Sassychan
by boyarina
Summary: I'ts not all about gayness, but all about womanhood...Curses! Sasuke you are doomed to be a girl! Naruto, you perv, stop haggling Sasuke! Sakura, are you really a feminist? Shino, what are you doing to Hinata! Here it comes! Run people run!
1. Enter Kabuto

**Author's Notes**:

I made a few revisions on this chapter...you checked misspelled words...all that jazz...enjoy

DISCLAIMER:

i am too sleepy and i could not think of anything else to say other than i do not own Naruto. i repeat, i do not own Naruto.

** Sassychan**

by Boyarina

** Chapter 1: Enter Kabuto **

He had always prided in the fact that change didn't rattle him as much as it normally would to anybody. He always would have his stoic no-nonsense demeanor in place regardless of how earth-shattering some changes were. 

Cool, calm, unaffected, that was what he was. Like now, his fingers had hardly jerked in surprise, his body hardly twitched to the feeling that was close to panic, which settled somewhere in the pits of stomach, when realization hit him. It was happening.

He shouldn't have gone to Orochimaru to get stronger. He shouldn't have allowed his emotions to decide for him when he had ran away. He shouldn't have gotten mad and taken off...he should have just gotten mad and then trashed the dobe in all those sparring sessions that they had.

More so, he should have ran down memory lane first before he went on with his stupid--stupid--plan. The scroll, he should have remembered that scroll. The scroll that foretold his future; and as Neji had so aptly termed it, his fate .

Everything will be turned upside down from now on.

Switching...changing...transitioning to something so completely new and untrodden...at least for him. It was unnatural...grueling...physically...psychologically...not only for him but for everybody who knew him. They would accept him...knowing what attitude Naruto has...knowing the attitude that Sakura has...knowing how the villagers had treated him after the massacre of his family...knowing how soft Tsunade-sama's heart was to...females...

Argggghhhhhh!

Why did he care about what they think anyways? He was already under a different village. He was already under a different leader...different set of...companions (no he was not going to say comrades, he already has those)...he has a different set of goals...different set of means to achieve those goals...even if he has to step on several thousand toes to achieve them. He was a completely changed person..the ironic thing was ...he was going to change again.

This time a million times worse than what he had changed into...hell, as if he didn't hate himself now...

He has been dreading this day. So great was his fear for the coming of this event that he took out the batteries of his clocks and watches (not that mean a feat since he didn't have that many) just so he wouldn't see the seconds, the minutes and the hours ticking by.

If only by stopping the clocks would also stop the sun from rising on the east. If only he could find that freakish rope that he could use so he could lasso the sun and moor it in one side of the earth to keep it from shining on Village of the Sound. If only he had been born a generation later. If only he had not been the younger brother...he'd rather be a murderer and a prick if it means that he would be able to escape the fate that he will be facing mere hours from now.

Most of all, if only he had not been in Orochimaru's clutches this day when his transformation was supposed to happen. He was definitely not going to be happy once he finds out that his 'vessel' was no longer the Sasuke he was to possess. He might just be mad enough to do something stupid...something that Sasuke would surely be the receiving end of. No doubt it would involve a LOT of pain.

He was already in a lot of pain right now and another dose of it is not something that he was actually looking forward to. He was not that invincible that all of them likes to think he was .

He could feel it. He could feel it once again. The cold creeping sensation that has been washing over him these past few days had been growing in frequency and Kabuto was already starting to notice it. He hoped that the medic nin would only pass it off as changes included in preparation to be Orochimaru's vessel.

He sincerely prayed that elongation of his eyelashes and the lengthening of his fingers could be passed off as a normal part of his mutation.

This was hopeless. Kabuto was not stupid. Orochimaru was not stupid. He most certainly was not stupid. If he stayed here he would risk getting caught. If he run he would get caught too...well not if there was some sort of distraction that would help him to make his escape.

As much as he hated to admit it, he needed to get back to Konoha. He needed to get back into the life he used to have, otherwise he would not be able to cope with what's going to happen. He still need to deliver the exact revenge that his brother deserves but getting stronger under Orochimaru's 'care' was no longer an option. As soon as that demon finds out what he would be end up to be, Orochimaru pretty much would cut his ass into pieces and feed him to Kabuto...or something much worse.

Not that he was going to be losing his blood line limit-the sharingan. Oh no, his curse/gift would still be there even after his transformation. In fact, his transformation would even give him the ability to transfer the ability on to a child...NO, no, he shouldn't be thinking that. He should concentrate getting out of this place first.

"Sasuke-kun."

Jolted the by the sound of his name, Sasuke snapped his head to the direction the voice came from. It was Kabuto, leaning casually against the doorway of his bedroom. Sasuke couldn't for the life of him decipher why Orochimaru's right hand man was here since he knew this day was allotted for his meditation.

No one was allowed to disturb him at this time. Kabuto never disturbed him during this time. Even without Orochimaru's wandering eye and strict supervision, Kabuto never disturbed him if he has been given explicit instructions not to do so.

Sasuke distinctly had heard Orochimaru screaming to everyone not to go anywhere near his quarters nor his vessel's quarter. He has been in a pretty foul mood since that day one of his underlings turned up to be part of Akatsuki and challenged Sasuke to fight until the end. Said underling actually was killed by Sasuke but nevertheless Orochimaru was incensed.

"He is MINE!" Orochimaru had roared then, all the veins of his neck standing out. "No one and I mean NO ONE, touches him!"

So now, this visit from Kabuto was something that he should be alarmed about. Kabuto was never the one who goes out of his way to disobey Orochimaru.

"Sasuke-kun I am not called a medical nin for nothing."

If that statement was not a dead-give away, Sasuke did not know what was . But he would play the fool for now. This was not the time. There was no chance of escape here. There was no chance of escape now.

Sasuke gave a slight frown at his disturber and slowly turned his head back to its normal position. He closed his eyes and ignored Kabuto, choosing not to speak at all.

"He will not hesitate going for your neck if he finds out."

Sasuke heard Kabuto sigh. Closing his eyes-no pinching them shut-he willed for the man to go away. He couldn't deal with him now.

"I have," another sigh, "a soft spot for...girls..."

Sasuke nearly bolted right then. Controlling his fight or flight reflex (which was now more inclined to the latter action), Sasuke kept his legs folded underneath him. Breathe in, breathe out.

"I can help you get out."

Wha-?

There was no stopping him this time. Sasuke flew to his feet and whirled around to face Kabuto.

"Uso," he breathed out not daring to believe Kabuto's offer. He wouldn't be so surprised if Kabuto was deceiving him.

A smiled flitted across Kabutos' features. "The offer would expire today. If you don't take it, it's going to be your loss." He shrugged. He turned, appearing as though he was on the verge of stepping out of Sasuke's room.

"Wait," Sasuke said. He fisted one hand and contemplated on accepting Kabuto's proposal. He took a deep breathe, trying to sort out his scrambled thoughts. If he come with Kabuto now and he means well, he might actually escape. If he come with Kabuto now and it's a trap, he would end up being skewered, chopped up and fed to...well nothing worse than comes to mind other than to Orochimaru himself.

Still, it's a chance and he was not about to pass it up. Damn the consequences.

"I'll go with you," Sasuke choked out


	2. Exit with Kabuto

Authors Notes:

The meanderings of the mind. I have a lot of things to do but nothing---**_nothing_**--is better than creating a story about my beloved...okay everybody's beloved Naruto series. I LOVE NARUTO! Now, that's said and done, let's get it on! (Who watches UFC here?)

DISCLAIMER: Not unless I suddenly and magically transform into --insert the name of Naruto's Author here--then I definitely own Naruto. Otherwise (insert gushing tears here), a big fat NO.

**Sassychan**

by Boyarina

** Chapter Two: Exit with Kabuto**

Disaster made to happen. This was what it was. Kabuto have a plan, however, it was not fool-proof. There was still this big chance that he would get captured. Nevertheless, Sasuke appreciated Kabuto for thinking up the details for it. For the most part, if ever that he succeed in escaping, he would be intact by the time he returned to Konoha.

Orochimaru's harem was scheduled to be changed today. Kabuto, being the lecherous lecher that he was (a most disturbing discovery that he made today) had brought with him one of the ladies in waiting, a person that looks uncannily like him: body size, complexion, eyes, nose, lips, shape of face...

..except for the hair.

Kabuto has explored and inspected everything else about her (by the sense of touch, smell, taste and sight from the looks of it) but forgot the mass of black, black hair (far darker than his own) crowning the top of her head. He probably have forgone the color for the hairstyle that the girl sports: cut haphazardly on the edges, two locks of hair framing the sides of her face.

She could have been his twin sister for all he knows.

According to Kabuto, the girl, Yui-san, was one of the important girls in Orochimaru's harem. Kabuto had always been assigned to escort her from her village to the Sound Village and vice versa whenever the 5th day of the month strikes, the time the harem changes its occupants.

Orochimaru had always loved variety, but this girl he had always requested for every 3rd, 6th, and 9th month of the year. The poor girl, she had been coming here for two years now.

The plan was : Sasuke would take the place of Yui-san in the exit procession of all the current ladies-in-waiting, Kabuto on his side to 'escort' him back to Earth Country. They would stick to the route to the Earth Country so as not to arouse suspicion. Once they are a few miles from their supposed destination, they are going to redirect their steps to Konoha.

"Are you sure it is going to work Kabuto-sama?" the girl murmured as they eyed each other, now dressed in their disguises. In his head, Sasuke was sharing her exact same sentiment.

"I don't want to be part of his...", her voice shuddered at this point, bowing her head to hide whatever expression she have on her face.

Kabuto made some hushing noises, moving to stand behind the girl. He placed a pale hand onto the the girl's shoulder and massaged it. Sasuke looked at him questioningly, wanting to know what the girl meant and what had been Kabuto's bargaining chip to make her agree to take his place.

"Just be quiet, don't say anything, pretend that you are meditating," Kabuto said, looking away from Sasuke's prying gaze. Perhaps now was not the time that he should know about this.

"Arigatou...Neesan", Sasuke said softly, bowing to the girl in front of him. When he straightened up, he saw that the girl was quite shocked by his gesture. It lasted for but a second though, dissolving into an easy smile.

"Iie, Sasuke-sama", Yui-san said, shaking her head slowly from side to side, "I should thank you. Your timing is perfect."

"Aa", he replied shrugging, not knowing what the girl meant.

"Sasuke-kun."

He turned to see Kabuto beckoning him to the door.

"We are going. Now."

The Uchiha heir found his feet instantly obeying Kabuto's command. When the tips of his feet reached the opening of his room, he briefly glanced backward.

"You will get your freedom, Yui-san," He said firmly, feeling the need to reassure the girl. His puzzlement grew when he received a determined nod in return.

"I am going to. Sayonara, Sasuke-sama."

Sasuke frowned a bit, but directed his attention again to the path ahead.

"Sayonara, Yui-san."

Comments:

I think this chapter needs work but I can't seem to find that specific flavor that is suitable to it. Anyways, Yui-san's journey is going to end here, I'm afraid. If you guys want to have a story regarding her history and her relation to Kabuto and Orochimaru, tell me. I am going to make something up. Up until next time: Peace minna-san! 


	3. Mammary glands, anyone?

Author's Notes:

Thanks for the reviewers. You know when I saw 4 reviews...I was like WHOA! I can't believe it. Thanks guys. Special mention to Becky Yuy, sleepyOni195, MisfitMephisto, LbcLostKid. I realized that I wasn't putting inspirational words together with my story...soooooo...starting with this chapter, I am going to. Why? Well, it makes me feel good. Hopefully, it will make someone feel better too.

DISCLAIMER:

I d-do...(cough)...(hack)...(fingers frozen)...(considering on not typing it)...(stop it muse! don't take away my keyboard! NOOOOOOOOO!)

MUSERELLA: Boyarina doesn't own Naruto. Please forgive use, we can't make our own original characters. Gomen.

Sassychan

by Boyarina

Chapter 3: Mammary glands, anyone?

Betraying Orochimaru was the last thing Kabuto had wanted. But this act of goodness had almost felt as though it was something that he was compelled to do. It felt as though that if he had turned a deaf ear to Sasuke's predicament, it will top all the nastiest deeds that he has done in the past.

It'll even be worse than the time he scalpelled off Shishio-san's liver off and force-fed it to his son.

It was true that he have a soft-spot for girls, but when it came to Sasuke-kun, it becomes far--far--evident. Even with those people that looks similar to him, he tended to be more gentler. For example, Yui-chan.

She had wanted to die. Kabuto didn't want to deliver the killing blow (considering that she looked too much like Sasuke-kun) so he took the opportune time to have Sasuke-kun take her place for his escape and for Yui-chan to take the boy's place, thereby sending her to her desired death.

There was but one thing he regrets in this set-up: he would be deprived of his so-called 'home'. If he returned to Orochimaru by the time the snake found out about the exchange, he certainly would face the probability of death. He being the escort of Yui-chan during the time the exchange had been made would instantly label him as the culprit behind as to how the exchange has been made possible. If he stayed in Konoha (the destination Sasuke-kun had chosen), he most certainly be executed, no questions asked.

In his heart of hearts (though he doubt that he truly have one), he knew that despite the fact that he would be the deliverer of the missing Uchiha, he wouldn't be forgiven that easily.

He would just have to keep a low profile in the neighboring villages it would seem. Probably visit the Uchiha boy now and then...probably visit a certain female medic-nin who had intrigued him from their previous battle.

Shizune...

Kabuto's musings had been cut short when he heard a small cry behind him. He reigned his horse in and took a look at his companion.

"It's starting," Sasuke-kun squeaked, his voice a little higher than usual. Since it was nearing dusk, Kabuto actually strained his ear to check if there were crickets near their clearing that might have accentuated Sasuke-kun's voice, making it sound an octave higher than it normally was.

..Silence. Nope, definitely no crickets around here. Hmmmm, considering the way things were going, he probably should stop calling Sasuke-kun, 'Sasuke-kun'. It should end with something like '--chan' on it.

Sasuke-chan? Nah.

"Bear for it a little while Sasuke-k...", Kabuto trailed off, unsure now of what he should call the boy. He grinned a little, scratching a spot at the back of his head.

"Bear for it a little while, ok?", he said again, a little sweat-drop forming at his temple. "We'll be setting up camp soon."

"Okay," Sasuke squeaked for the second time around, blanching this time at the sound that he produced.

Kabuto coughed, trying vainly to block the laughter that threatened to bubble out of his throat. Sasuke-kun wasn't fooled however. The boy frowned at him and muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like, "no respect for puberty.."

Kabuto smirked, nudging his horse forward past Sasuke-kun's ride.

"Been there, done that," he commented breezily. Sasuke growled at his cheekiness--which sounded just plain strange in Kabuto' s ears. He wasn't used to hearing Sasuke-kun this way-- like...actually, nothing seemed suitable enough to describe it.

For sure though, the Uchiha boy was starting to develop that certain lilt that was prevalent only to a certain human species. Soon, that little Adam's apple on the boy's neck will be gone.

"This is no puberty you are going through," Kabuto threw in casually, drawing that 'NO, DUH' expression on Sasuke-kun's face.

"Actually, let me correct myself," Kabuto shifted on his saddle, making sure that one of his butt cheeks have a good grip on his seat so he could turn and have a good look at Sasuke-kun once he delivered his killer statement.

As expected, the boy is gazing at him hungry for information, any information, regarding his out-of-this-world predicament. Heck, anyone would be.

"This might not be puberty you are dealing with."

Sasuke-kun raised one questioning eyebrow. "What are you getting at?"

Oh, kami. It's THAT voice again. If Kabuto doesn't have the self-restraint that he has now, he would have died seconds ago-- asphyxiated due to too much laughing. However, it couldn't be said that he was not dying right now just trying to keep the mirth to himself. Truly, if he kept this up, Sasuke-kun (who by now had figured out that Kabuto finds his vocalizations down right funny) would no longer hesitate pummeling him to the ground.

At the time being, the gaki was just twitching there, struggling to remain on his seat, but tense enough to spring an attack at the slightest provocation.

Promising himself to behave, Kabuto schooled his features into a blank expression. Yes, he knew that this made him look constipated (hell, it would make everyone wearing this look constipated), but at the risk of having a boxing match with Sasuke-kun, he'd rather stick this out.

"What I am getting at is," Kabuto said, continuing with the trail of conversation they had left earlier, "If this is not a normal pubescent change, it ought to be reversible."

Sasuke-kun's eyes lit up as a small triumphant grin formed on his mouth. To Kabuto, that smile practically screamed 'hell, yeah!' and for that, Kabuto thought it better to shoot the boy's hopes down before it goes way over his head.

"It's just a theory though. Most likely, your change IS going to be permanent." Right after saying this, Kabuto had to duck as a blanket was chucked his way, followed by a grumbled commentary.

"Why bother mentioning it then?" Sasuke kicked his horse forward so he was now riding beside Kabuto. Probably due to rising estrogen levels on his blood, the boy placed two hands on his hips and gave the medic-nin a glowering stare.

Kabuto wasn't fazed though. Though there was a 100 percent possibility that the glower will prove to be fatal, Kabuto did not mind at all. It was far more interesting to take note that the Uchiha kid had perfected the pose of a certain blond Godaime that he knew. The realization must have crossed the boy's mind too for he took two quick glances at where his upper appendages were and upon seeing that they were not where they ought to be, he folded said appendages over his chest.

It took the raven-haired boy less than a heart beat to do this, not even taking the time to at least be flustered. Kabuto would have applauded him given that they were in the right circumstance.

"If it's reversible would you--" Sasuke-kun cut himself short as though another realization zinged right by him. This one certainly big enough to make him be flustered, shocked and paralyzed.

The Uchiha's mouth formed an 'O' as his arms tightened over his chest making the silken wraps they have borrowed from Yui-chan's wardrobe to bunch up and form a mound in front of him.

Wait. Hold that thought.

It was NOT the silken material of his clothing that was forming that mound. As if to prove that, Kabuto watched as Sasuke freed his arms, then proceeded on flattening his clothes over his torso.

The mounds were not going away. Still wearing his 'oh-my-freaking-gosh-you-caught-me-doing-something-utterly-nasty' expression, Sasuke-jiggled his body from left to right, probably testing if that would make the mounds go away.

Really, it was no big surprise that they just bobbed cutely in place..an action that Kabuto found very captivating. He was so engrossed in examining the new additions to Sasuke's body that it took him a minute to realize that the boy was a hair-breadth away from hyperventilating.

Or fainting. Whichever came first.

"I.." Sasuke gasped, his shocked features turning into incredulity.

"I have..." An eye twitched as a pale hand (a pale Uchiha hand, mind you) cupped one of the aforementioned mounds. "I have..."

"You have breasts," Kabuto pointed out matter-of-factly when Sasuke seemed to have lost all faculties to even complete a simple subject-predicate statement.

The Uchiha heir choked, still clutching one his boobs (or should we say HER boobs?), struggled to put more oxygen in his--her?--lungs...

..and failed.

Those onyx eyes rolled to the back of that raven head as the kid lost the battle of wills with his consciousness, fainting dead-away. Kabuto caught him just in time before that precious head hit the ground.

Kabuto sighed. Yet another obstacle has been presented to him. It would have been easier to travel with a boy-Sasuke than a girl-Sasuke.

Oh well. It'll be but a day and they would reach Konoha. Up until then, hopefully, there would be nothing more out of the ordinary like this would happen.

One could always hope, right?

Comments:

OKay! Here are the inspiring words I got from "Kingdom of Heaven"

Be without fear in the face of your enemies

Be brave and upright that God may love thee

Speak the truth, even if it leads to your death

Safeguard the helpless

That is your oath

(slap!)

That is so you remember it...

Rise a knight! 


	4. Hemawhat? dites?

** Author's Notes:**

Indeed, I have just come to realize that the "words to trigger the inspiration" that I placed on the last chapter actually was quite ridiculous considering it is SO not related to the plot of the story at all. But, hey, didn't you all think that the Orlando Bloom's words are a real treat? Anyways, on to the story!

DISCLAIMER:

sOB! sOB! sOB! I-i...d-d...on't...sob!...I don't...have...l-le...gal...huhuhu...r-rights...t-t...own..huhuhuhu...N-naruto...huhuhuhuh...

** Sassychan**

** by Boyarina**

** Chapter 4: Herma..what? dites?**

Sasuke couldn't come in terms with the fact that HE has breasts. Yes, people, technically, HE was still a HE.

Or at least half of him was still a HE.

He found out about this disgusting revelation when he had woken up earlier from his stupor, thinking that it was just all a bad dream. HE had been in a nasty surprise when his hands automatically came up to search his chest only to find the mounds being there still, like they were before.

BUT that wasn't the nastiest thing of all. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

He would have resignedly accepted his fate as a girl seeing that the nightmarish mounds that had been there before he lost consciousness were still there when he came to, but the thing was his eyelashes, voice, fingers were the only major things that have decided to change.

Not that anatomical part, not that particular genitalia that would have ultimately sealed his fate as a girl.

Yes people. For those who have yet to catch up his to where he was leading to, he still have his equipment tucked neatly between his legs, making him still a HE.

...only with breasts.

It took all his might not to shriek like a girl (no pun intended) when he found out about this UGLY, UGLY, UGLY fact. More so, when he confronted Kabuto about the probability of him changing back now that he didn't really changed completely, it only made him feel worse.

The look that passed Kabuto's face plainly said "I so don't want to be you right now." The medic nin did reassure him though that there might be a slight chance of him changing back to a male-- a 40/60 chance, in favor of him completely changing into a female.

"Well, that is comforting," Sasuke commented, probably a bit too sarcastically for Kabuto's liking. He wasn't very sorry for his cryptic attitude though. Anyone, anyone, who was in their right mind would be pissed off as he was right now had they been in his shoes.

"You should go to sleep now, Sassy-chan."

If Sasuke had been tossing and turning on his bedding before (due to the fact that he was mightily plagued by the presence of his hermaphroditic body), what Kabuto said...No, to be more precise, what Kabuto had called him got froze him in the middle of a toss he was yet to complete.

He felt the oh-so-familiar twitching of his face as he sat up-right, turning his more than frigid stare at this ecchi.

"WHAT. DID. YOU. SAY.", Sasuke ground out, letting the killer intent flow from him to Kabuto in waves. Despite this, Kabuto gave him a friendly, if not win-some smile in return.

"You gotta have a girly name sometime, don't you think Sasuke-kun?" Kabuto replied not bothering to repeat what he had said before.

Unable to resist, Sasuke bolted to his feet and pointed an accusing finger at the man whom he have considered his savior but has now proved to be far-FAR more annoying than Naruto.

Keh, that usuratonkachi.

"You are enjoying this, aren't you?" Sasuke snarled, his expression so ferocious it would have shamed the attitude of that of a wild creature cornered to the inch of its life.

As usual, Kabuto remained the icon of calmness itself. Even though Sasuke's ire was at the verge of exploding, Kabuto managed to shrug at him--even had the gall to wink and oggle his breasts.

"Can't say I haven't been enjoying your top part, Sassy-chan." Kabuto (that damn pervert) said in a singsong voice which became more pronounced when that darn female name was mentioned again.

The male part of him would have gladly jumped up and pummeled Kabuto to the ground, unfortunately the female part of him dominated overall his emotions. His hands that he haven't even noticed were on his hips already (which definitely is WORRYING him because he is doing a lot of 'hands-on-hips' poses lately) went up to his chest as he protected said 'top-part' from his companion's dirty view.

"Would you STOP that!" Sasuke snapped, getting this mighty urge to throw something at the presently chuckling Kabuto. He would have done just that too (he was in the process of reaching out to get one of his sandals) when something clicked inside his head and his mind suddenly belted out at how girly, how sissy and how utterly feminine that would have been.

Sasuke plopped down on his rear in defeat. A whole slew of curses came out of his mouth as he vented his frustration on his poor unsuspecting beddings in the pretense of making himself comfortable.

"I don't want to be called Sassy-chan," he grumbled under his breath. He only meant for his words to be heard by his very own ears. Unfortunately, Kabuto was gifted with these bat- like ears that even his barely above whisper mumblings didn't get past him.

"You got to have a girl name, Sasuke-kun," Kabuto rationalized in this patronizing tone that Sasuke found absolutely annoying. "How weird would it look like for anyone to keep on calling you Sasuke-kun once you are a...", Kabuto mimed the figure of a woman on the air, "fully developed female?"

I would pretend that I didn't see and hear him just now, Sasuke thought, inwardly groaning. Wanting to be left alone, and fuming over his predicament, Sasuke threw the blanket on top his head and started to make faint snorting noises.

Hopefully, this would make Kabuto to leave him alone.

A few crickets nearly chirped, indicating the start of the companionable silence that Sasuke had so been longing for. He was about to sigh with contentment, but his relief was cut short when Kabuto made another snide remark (that guy was just so full of witticism today, ain't he!)

"You don't snore Sasuke-kun. You sleep like a log, like a dead log to be precise", Kabuto chuckled at his pun, "If you're gonna convince me that you are sleeping, quit making that racket."

From under the comforts of his blanket Sasuke snarled. Not caring this time around if this revenge bore some resemblance to a girly revenge he had seen before (image of Sakura here, slipping one shoe out of one foot and throwing it on one blond baka), Sasuke tore out of his sheets and snatched a sandal aiming for a split second on Kabuto's head.

Then he threw.

Face met Sandal's acquaintance quite pleasantly that evening.

Comments:

Anyways, after my failed attempt to integrate "inspirational words+chapter", I am no longer gonna include them in this chapter...NOT! (mwahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahah)

Ahem. Anyways...I found this verse from this song (Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley in Shrek) very...lovely...

"Baby i've been here before

i've seen this room and i've walked this floor

i used to live alone before i knew you

i've seen your flag on the marble arch

but love is not a victory march

it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah "

Nice huh? Lemme know what you think. :) 


	5. The Problem with Vocalizations

Author's Notes:

Hi! I will do chapter updates everyday...so please keep in touch. Thanks! Thanks as well to the following people: Naomi-Yuko, sasuxnarucute, LbcLostKid, Becky Yuy, xXShadowedfateXx, MisfitMephisto, LbcLostKid. Thank you so much for reviewing! Love you guys! Anyways, there are a couple of things that i would like to add to chap 1...so...once this chap 5 is posted...kindly chk out chap 1 as well...i placed a an additional something there to explain somethings...anyways inspirational wors at the ends of the chappie..thanks!

DISCLAIMER:

I am always proud of the fact that when I want something I would always eventually get it. BUt this is so not in the case when it comes to Naruto. Unfortunately. Therefore, I do not own it. I could play with it though...teehee...

**Sassychan**

**by Boyarina**

**Chapter 5: A Problem with Vocalizations**

Kabuto is not a morning person, and, as far as he knows, nor is Sasuke-kun. That is why Kabuto came to the conclusion that he still either dreaming and/or hallucinating when he saw Sasuke-kun's face beaming down upon him.

"I'mmm baccckkk..." Sasuke sang out in this husky falsetto that didn't quite equate to how Sasuke-kun is supposed to sound at all.

Never mind that though. Personally, Kabuto liked the sound the gaki produced today and was actually a bit disapppointed when Sasuke-kun stopped mid-way in his announcement.

A rather abrupt silence filled the air convincinfg Kabuto that it was indeed just a dream. More silence ensued as Kabuto nodded in his sleep.

Yep. Definitely a dream.

That singular thought lasted about two minutes when an ear splitting shriek (a very girly shriek, mind you) shattered all that is calm and peaceful.

"WHAT IN ALL THAT IS CRAPPY AND SHITTY HAPPENED TO MY FUCKING VOICE!"

In the defense of his currently being abused sound receptors, Kabuto stuck a finger into each of his ear canals.

"Do you have to be so loud in the morning?" he grumbled, eyes still half-shut. "More so, do you really think that your voice will remain while the rest of you change? Wouldn't you think that is just plain **_unnatural_**?"

Sasuke-kun snarled, tearing his hair (her hair?) out in the process.

"That's the freaking **_point_**!", he thundered.

Kabuto sat up and raised one eyebrow.

"Which is?"

"I've got my **_normal_** body parts back!" Sasuke snapped, spreading his arms wide--most likely to show him better the evidence to his words. "But now, my voice sounds strange!"

Kabuto scratched his cheek, looking innocent. There's nothing that he could do to help Sasuke-kun in his predicament anyways.

"Your voice actually sounds better," Kabuto smirked, "At least now you **_don't_** sound like a cross between a chipmunk and a wannabe- transvestite."

Sasuke-kun looked mortified.

"I sound like a cross-dressing chipmunk?", he asked, his voice faint.

Kabuto nodded gravely. "Indeed, yesterday, you sounded precisely like that. At least, now you sound like a girl with a really deep voice." His eyes lingered on Sasuke-kun's now flat chest sighing (discreetly) with disappointment.

What's the use of a husky (if not sexy) female voice when it's coming out of a man's mounth? What a waste of air and functioning voice box. Now, if he could just close his eyes, he could picture Sassy-chan super imnposed over Sasuke-kun's figure. Too bad though, he couldn't keep them closed for the entire journey.

Kabuto sighed again, a little louder this time, forgetting that Sasuke-kun is within hearing range.

"What in the workd are you **_sighing_** about?" Sasuke growled, causing a guilty grin to break out on Kabuto's face.

"Betsune, Sasuke-kun," he answered, grin still in place and eys still shut into squints. He couldn't help but to keep on imagining Sassy-chan talking to him instead of Sasuke-kun.

_Keep on talking_, his treacherous mind urged dreamily.

Sasuke-kun must have caught on his train of though for he gave him a ferocious scowl.

"Now, you're **_chuckling_**," Sasuke-kun pointed an accusing finger at him. "What. In. The. World. Is. Wrong. With. You!" He punctuated his point by jabbing his finger in the air with every word that he said.

Instead of shutting him up (which Kabuto thinks is what Sasuke-kun is _**fervently**_ wishing for right now), Sasuke-kun's peeved reaction only increased his hilarity. More so, the fact that Sasuke-kun is trying hard to subdue the girly over tones his voice has taken shoved his mind further into the gutter it was merely peering at before.

_Hmm, really, really, really, nice husky (if not downright sexy) female voice, _cackled something inside of Kabutos' head. He brought his hand onto his mouth to smother another chuckle. Waving away talking subconscious, Kabuto stood up.

"Gomen ne, Sasuke-kun.", Kabuto glanced at him briefly, then turned to get started with the tedious task of putting away their camp. They must not leave any trace that they have been here.

He was down to the last items to be packed away, which happened to be his and Sasuke-kun's bedding (since he took the night shift of guard duty, and Sasuke-kun took over the some time during 2 am, they have used only one bedding, taking a turn after their shift finished) when Sasuke-kun suddenly leapt and plopped down the blankets, his arms folded sternly across his chest.

Kabuto couldn't help the tiny frown that edged itself on his face.

"What? You think that I would let you off that easily after you laughed at me?" Sasuke-kun asked in a high-handed manner. "The least that you could do is tell me what's going to happen now. Am I going to turn back or what?"

_I though you are going to ask what I was thinking, _Kabuto mused, stopping the evil cakcle in his head in time when he saw the expression on Sasuke-kun's face plainly telling him that he caught him drifting off to dirty paradise.

"Chances are, "Kabuto paused here dramatically, "you are going to be female."

"What!" I've got my body back!" Sasuke-kun protested, forgetting to tame the pitch of his voice. For a moment there, Kabuto thought he heard that girl Anko Orochimaru-sama tried to one of his experiments on.

Adjusting his glasses, Kabuto casually continued one. "You see, from what I had obsevered, the changes that are happening to you takes place one day at a time. Those changes that _**gradually**_ show themselves are the ones that are actually permanent changes. Take for instance, you fingers. First time I got a glance at them, I thought you were just getting thinner that's why they looked a tad slender than before. Now look at them."

Kabuto motioned for Sasuke-kun to spread his hands in front of him.

"They are more defined now. Even your nails look more crescent now than before."

Sasuke stared at his digits as though they are some other creatue's digits. He flipped, turned, and wrung said appendages before stowing them away in the folds of his robes (he unfortunately doesn't have any other change of clothing other than the one he got from Yui-san).

"They are not like that at all!" he said in a small voice, denial oozing from his very person.

Kabuto shrugged, watching as Sasuke-kun got up from the blankets. A flicker of despair swept the boy's features before a heated glare was directed at him.

"And stop staring at my chest, you lecherous pervert! I don't have breasts!" Frowning, Sasuke stomped all the way to his horse.

Another guilty chuckle came out of Kabuto's lips as he scratched the back of his head.

"Eheheheheheh, I'm not staring, Sasuke-kun," he said sweetly.

No matter where you happen to look at it, both parties are in denial and are lying to themselves at what really belies their actions.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It is the time to attack. Their defenses are down, and more importantly, both are about to reach Konoha. That is the most crucial point of its plan. They have to be delayed for a little while for they must not reach their destination until after it had been able to deliver its message.

It needs him for the clan to live again and it needs the other so the boy would follow through. If the child makes one single mistake, there could be no more hope. It would stay dead forever. The clan would stay dead forever, eventually become forgotten and left in the dust of time.

It's now or never. The two horsemen has now paused from thier leisurely canter and are looking around, wary. They must have felt its presence.

_Charge, _ the silent command was given.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Comments:

um, sorry guys, i need the additional characters that's why i inserted a some-one/thing here...anyways read onto the next chapter to find out what is going to happen. I'll try to post it today or tom. My fingers are kinda tired now cause i'm putting this story both in paper and in this website...soo...you know...i'm kinda oc that way...anyways...hoped you enjoyed it...here's the inpirational thingie btw:

Again from Kingdom of Heaven, said by Orlando Bloom (my love):

"How can you be in hell, when you are in my heart?"

...so heart crushing...


	6. Kabuto the Saviour

**Author's Notes:**

Hi! I was reading some fanfiction earlier today and cheking out the reviews made to authors...(yes i am guilty of comparing notes)...and it got me thinking...should i make this fic more serious or what? My style is more of a wacky one...but i could adjust to what you readers would like. So, tell me...should i give it a more serious tone? Don't worry, I would never fail to inject something humourous here or there ( I wouldn't be able to help myself, to tell you the truth) if its getting too serious. Anyways, I'm just circling around the subject and the million dollar question of to be serious or not to be serious? Lemme know what you think. Thanks!

DISCLAIMER:

I had a dream last night, and in that dream I was talking to God about my plight. I was asking Him why is it that I couldn't have been the one who have created Naruto? Why couldn't I have been born in Japan and be exposed to this anime-crazed world? Why is it that I am not cool enough to have thought of the characters in Naruto? And on and on I have ranted to Him my frustrations in life. At one point, probably because His ears are already hurting, He interrupted me.

"Child," He said, "I wanted you to be you that is why you are what you are now."

After the counting the number of 'yous' He used in His sentence (vague and confusing it might have seemed at first), I finally nodded in understanding.

"Thank you," I said, smiling at Him gratefully.

Now, kids, that is why I do not own Naruto. (runs away crying stupidly)

**Sassychan**

**by Boyarina**

**Chapter 6: Kabuto the Saviour**

**(subtitle: Meet Great Grandma Uchiha)**

Kabuto's mind was whirring with the information that has been bombarded to him. What made it worse was that his responsibility to the gaki has stepped a notch higher. He was now A SAVIOUR , whether he liked it or not. The ball of alien chakra forced within him would make sure of that.

He was pretty sure that it was in a dream when it happened. However, curiously enough, Kabuto could remember the exact details of the events that happened in that dream--if it was a dream in the first place. Plus, he knew this as much: the presence that surround them earlier, before the dream actually took place, had the supreme intention of changing their fates.

True enough, even before they could escape or defend themselves, even before the fire jutsu that Sasuke-kun tried to summon was executed, the world was pulled right under their feet, plunging them into this inky darkness.

Kabuto could feel his consciousness, but felt as though he had been separated from his physical body.

How had he come to that conclusion? For, one, he tried to PINCH himself (which failed since he can't seem to find where he placed his fingers) and two (having been divested of his first tactic) he tried to kick Sasuke-kun but the image that he saw apparently was just a mirage (plus he seemed to have misplaced his legs as well).

He didn't try to do the latter action again when he was given a painful yank on his ear.

"Why in the world are you kicking my great grandson and soon to be great granddaughter for!" exclaimed a booming, yet, granny-like voice whom Kabuto presumed was the ear-yanker.

"Er," Kabuto replied, temporarily stupefied, and in effect, rendered speechless. How in the world could he be abused around when he could not even touch himself? (For those who are born with naturally perverted minds, what he meant was touch his physical body).

"What do you mean, 'er'?" cried the 'don't-you-dare-mess-with-your-grandma voice'. "We had high hopes for you boy. So typical of you kids to start a good deed and later on abandon it. I knew it!"

The voice gave out a long suffering sigh. "I never was in favor of you being the Saviour. But nooooo." The disapproval in the mystery voice was so tangible, Kabuto could just feel Sasuke's ancestor fervently shake her head from side to side.

"They have insisted on you to be the one of the Appointed Ones. personally, I think it's one of their worst idea ever. Don't get me wrong! I made my opinion known, I am never the one who keeps things to herself..." the granny voice trailed off.

"I am diverting away from the topic, aren't I? Don't you dare nod your head at me boy!"

Kabuto was, to say the least, taken aback. For starters, due to the lack of a physical body, he doesn't have a head to nod with, and, was, technically speaking, only agreeing with the baachan in his mind.

He wasn't nodding at all!

"B-but--"

Cracking of knuckles could be heard in the darkness. Not wanting to incur the wrath of unknown beings, Kabuto swallowed thickly and clamped his lips together.

"As I was saying," grumbled the granny voice, "I didn't like you being my great grandson, soon to be great granddaughter's Saviour because one: you are a pervert and two: you are formerly in league with that Orochimaru," the granny voice paused and harrumphed here grudgingly, "You have one redeeming quality though."

Kabuto perked up at this. Immature as it might seem to many, whenever someone comments on his worth, a big---no, a really HUGE grin spreads across his face, reaching from ear to ear.

"Thanks," he said giving his best, yet imaginary, 'I-am-a-bobcat' grin.

A disapproving grunt was his reply.

"I haven't even said anything yet."

Kabuto's smile fell several notches down.

"And because you interrupted me again," Kabuto's smile, this time, completely vanished when he heard the tell-tale smirk in the baachan's voice, "I'm no longer going to say it."

"D-demo..."

"Oh! Alright! Just don't start weeping on me boy! Anyways, one good thing about you boy, is that you're handsome (a question mark popped out of Kabuto's head at this point). You made our Sasuke trust in you, making your escape flawless." reasoned the baachan, though to Kabuto's thinking, she didn't make any sense at all.

"Umm...", he hesitantly began, wondering if this was a good time to speak up. He did receive several tongue lashings for the past fifteen minutes and adding another one was not on his priority list.

"Yes?" the baasan prodded, giving him hope that his opinion might count after all.

"Shouldn't you be praising my great strategic mind?" he suggested a little tentatively, not wanting to hit a sore nerve.

"Are you correcting me boy?"

Kabuto twitched when he heard a hint of threat in the granny voice. So much for being tentative...he did hit a nerve.

"No! Of course not!" he denied instantly thinking that succumbing to cowardice was the best way to preserve his life and sanity.

"Good answer," came the snide remark, "Anyways, because of your handsomeness and, " a muttered curse was inserted here, "your self-proclaimed 'great strategic mind', we are appointing you to be our Sasuke's Saviour."

Something speared Kabuto on his back, but instead of bludgeoning pain, he felt a complete numbness go over him. Immediately after, a greenish glow burst forth, allowing him to see what lies in the darkness surrounding him.

He saw his nearly transparent body housing a green glowing ball of what seemed like chakra.

"You first task it to complete you journey to Konoha. The second is," the old woman stopped talking at this point. She seemed to be waiting for something to come.

Apprehension washed over him; waiting, after all, was not one of his best points. Soon enough though, what the baasan stalled for happened.

Two more chakra projectiles speared him, one on top of his head and the other on his chest.

"Find Sasuke's Protector and Ally. Then, after sometime, you will be free to do as you wish. We shall cal you forth once the need arises."

One part of him was about to rebel against the abruptness of it all, however, it was quickly dampened by Kami-knows-what. Kabuto wouldn't be so surprised if it's the green chakra doing it.

"How?", was all he managed to say.

Again, he felt the baasan smirk.

"Well, that's where your 'great strategic mind' will be put to use, wouldn't it?" The granny cackled out maliciously and without giving him a second to retort, she spun him back to reality.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Comments:

Guys, I'm sorry about this chapter. It sucks. I know that is my personal opinion as well. I have tried to revise a gazzillion times but just wouldn't come out the way I wanted it to come out. I know it sucks, but I need it for the story...bear with me for a little while. I'll do something about this chapter. I'll just post it here for a while for the sake of having a story plot. Thanks for your understanding and consideration.

P.S. I know the disclaimer insert story is much better (at least I think it is).

Inspirational stuff:

"Happiness is somewhere between too little and too much. May you have just enough wealth to meet your needs but enough poverty to learn how to work hard; enough blessings to know that God loves you but enough problems so you don't forget Him; enough happiness to keep you sweet, but enough trials to keep you strong. Who you are is God's gift to you...but who you become is your gift to God. God Bless!"


	7. Nocturnal Changes

**Author's Notes:**

Hi! Got my Sassychan notebook now. :) Yey! Too sleepy. Had an interview. Haven't gotten the results yet. I sound like a broken pornograph record...but this is just the way I sound when I only have an hour's worth of sleep.

DISCLAIMER:

I wish I am Hinata/Sakura. So in that way I could somehow "own" Naruto-kun. Yes I am sick. Thanks. I do not own Naruto.

**Sassychan**

**by Boyarina**

**Chapter 7: Nocturnal Changes**

Sasuke groaned, then immeidately blanched when he ehard again that deep, sultry and yet womanly sound that he seemed to be producing for the whole day. His head is paining him, feeling as though something rammed him over and over again with a hammer on every side of his head. He had been definitely knocked out cold, but was strangely left unharmed. Aside from his throbbing skull, nothing appears to be broken.

Doing a quick survey of his surrounding, he found himself on a patch of dry land, with Kabuto lying a few feet away--snoring like there is no tomorrow. Night is slowly coming and judging by the setting of the sun, it's about 6-6.30 pm.

_Where are those damn horses? _Sasuke thought , struggling to sit-up. Finally, he managed to plant a hand behind him (to keep himself from falling back to his prone position) whilst the other hand is holding his head, fearing that under this **massive** amount of pain that he is in, it might just **_topple off_**.

With his head in mid-air, he could better hear the sounds around him (the ground was amplifying the dull thud of his head when he was lying down, tuning out everything else in the background). The rush of stream that he hadn't heard before came to his ears, reminding him of personal hygiene that he hadn't attended to yesterday and today, plus the urgent need to relieve himself.

Divested of his usual swagger, Sasuke waddled his way to Kabuto's side and nugded the man with his foot.

"Hey."

Kabuto's body rolled from side to side, groaning as though to indicate that he, like Sasuke, is alive and well enough (or so it seems)

"Uchiha-baasan...", Orochimaru's right-hand man mumbled.

Sasuke's brows furrowed. With the way Kabuto said his last name--punctuating each and every syllable as though every one of them is **abomination**--one would think that the silver-haired man either finds his family name distasteful or that Sasuke had done something so ungodly that Kabuto came to the point of tagging **granny** to his last name.

Which of curse he didn't know what. He was knocked out, for Kami's sake! Plus, if Kabuto is indeed referring to him, calling him baasan is just plain **unreasonable **and **mean**.

Snarling under his breath, Sasuke glanced down at the man, eyes tempered with such cold unyielding hatred that it came as a surprise to him Kabuto was NOT encased in a block of ice, preserving him for centuries on end.

Kabuto-san doesn't have the smidgen of right to call him obaasan because he is **not** a **girl **in the first place. More so, he is barely seventeen years old--which means he hasn't yet passed that crucial stage of no longer being a **teen**ager.

Really, would you call that **old?**

To place it mildly, SAsuke is downright pissed off, not only because he had proven it in his head that Kabuto's DEAD WRONG, but also because the man inadvertently divested him of daylight time he could have utilized so he could see to his hygienic needs.

Normally, SAsuke would just brush his anger aside, preserving his calm exterior. But in th absence of prying eyes, Sasuke took his sweet time to dramatically raise a shaking fist into the air thinking that a direct punch on the nose will set Kabuto straight.

"Omae wa--" Sasuke's threat was cut short even before it actually came to a fruititiotn--ending in this unnaturally high squeak. His anger was dashed and crushed by this single feeling of **_trepidation _**when he heard his voice a pitch **_higher _**and when his forearm brushed a **_soft portrusion _**on the region of his chest.

_**Oh God! Not again!**_

Sasuke squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself back to his **male** body. Drawing out the three-dimensional picture of his body, he mentally placed each and every single **male body part **on the places where they **should be.**

The illusion was shortly shattered however, when he made the mistake of moving his arm. The portrusions of his chest jiggled a bit (_ he **would not** call them **breasts**, he **refuse **to call them **breasts--**he **would not**_due to his movement.

A feeling of pure repugnance swept through him. He shot to his feet, clamping his legs together to find out if that one part that remained before is still there. It had been there before so why not? **Right? Right?**

His heart started to race and his breath hitched. Crossing one foot over the other, Sasuke pressed his legs closer than is humanly possible. He wanted to be **certain**; he wants to know if he is **irrevocably correct**.

But...

It's **not** there...

**Not** there...

**Not...**

He screamed (like a girl).

-------------------------------------------------

Muserella: I kinda like the way Sasuke right now...equipment-less...teehee...

Inspirational Stuff:

"Your part of the puzzle of someone else's life.

You may never know where you fit, but others will fill the holes in their lives with pieces of you.

So, if you ran out of reasons to live, remember that someone else's life may never be complete without you in it."


	8. As the Day ShiftsSo Will I

**Author's Notes:**

Anyways, I am posting chapter 8 up the day I'm posting chapter 7 up...so I am basically in the same catatonic state...It would have been better if it's an actual hangover due to too much ingestion of an alcoholic beverage...but the thing is...or (let me rephrase that) the bad thing about this is that it's a hangover due to too much interview...no really...i had been interviewed from 2am est up until 7 am est today...and it's now 3:51 pm est...i am still up...golly...

DISCLAIMER:

I am running out of cute ideas to say that I do not own Naruto. However, NO ONE, I MEAN NO ONE could take away my naruto KEYCHAIN! I bought it! nyahahahahahahahahahahahahahha...onto the story!

**Sassychan**

**By Boyarina**

**Chapter 8: And As The Day Shifts...So Will I**

They have established two important things when they were just about a few hundred meters away from Konoha.

One is that Sasuke-kun turns into Sassy-chan completely once the moon peaks out of the sky and turns back to a male once the sun is up. The one thing that is most unsettling about Sasuke-kun's transformation is that he just suddenly changes into the female version of himself so subtlety, even the boy is fails to realize that he already is a she not until after Kabuto pointed out to him...

...Or in some cases, when Sasuke catches Kabuto staring at his ample bossom with a very obvious drool dribbling from his chin. This would lickety-split draw a reaction from the raven-haired teen that would range from a death glaret to a stinging slap (delivered with one arm covering his (her?) chest) to a clenched fist, and in it a kunai ready to be pitched with deadly accuracy. Then an enranged howl would follow this.

"**ECCHI!**"

Once Sasuke-kun had deemed it that he had delivered the unequivocal revenge appropriate for his crime, that's the only time that the brutality would actually stop.

Another important thing that they found out is that not until they've reached Konoha, they would forever be attacked: ghouls, human beings, dirty discoveries...you name it.

As it is they are being attacked now. They are yet to know the purpose of their attackers so they are biding their time. These people are not from the sound village--making the possiblity that Orochimaru has yet to send troops to hunt them down a good chance to be true.

Not unless he employed a group of ninjas from a different village to throw him and Sasuke-kun off. The main reinforcement are just about to come. Kabuto could feel it in his bones that they would be large enough to take the two of them down.

There is only one way for them to get out of this alive. They have to enlist the help of Konoha ninjas and to do that Sasuke would have to gain their trust. Good thing that these foreign ninjas decided to stage their attack during the day. Because through this folly, they had stumbled upon them with Sasuke as a fully enraged male and fully capable of convincing Konoha that it is indeed he, Sasuke-kun who has come home. Now the only thing that Sasuke-kun needs is a peace offering that would get him to be accepted by Konoha again.

When a shuriken came sailing towards him, Kabuto took that as a cue to body flicker to the spot right beside Sasuke. Two of the mercenary shinobis followed him, and fool-hardly tried to slice his arms into ribbons. With a twist of his wrist, Kabuto flicked four shurikens directly to the eyes of his assailants in a speed so dizzying it left no doubt in his mind that the enemy shinobis didn't even had a glance at the deadly weapons at all.

"We need to reach the gates of Konoha now, " Kabuto said, going back to back against Sasuke as the enemy surrounded them, caging them inside a circle.

"I thought we are going to sneak in at night." Sasuke returned a kunai he caught in mid-air to the ninja in front of him, forming the seals to replicate five more kunais out of the one he threw.

Kabuto shook his head. "Listen. Once we get there, I will get this body killed. Carry it and bring it as a proof of your loyalty to your village."

"And you?"

If he had the time, Kabuto would have quirked a questioning eyebrow at Sasuke when he heard the concern in the young man's voice.

"I'll transfer on a different body," he answered simply as though it's no great feat at all. "I'll return to you and you will know it is me."

------------------------------------------------

Inspirational Stuff:

"There are three ways of seeing life. In one people stick fast. In another they go to excess. In the third they see correctly.

In the first way, people take pleasure in all the things of life--in possessions and happenings, in families and continuation. When a teaching is proclaimed that advises nonattachment and going beyond the dictates of the self, their heart does not leap up and they are not drawn to it. In the second way, people are afflicted by hatred of life. Just as attached to life, they nonetheless revile it and make a bad thing of it to excess.

In the third way, people see life as it is--forever being and ceasing to be. They accept it willingly but are not attached and do not despair. It is they who begin to know the unconditioned."

-Itivuttaka Sutta


	9. Nearing Konoha

**Author's Notes:**

Anyways, I am utterly depressed today. Remember the interview I mentioned yesterday? Anyways, apparently, even though I'm pretty sure that I would be able to get the job, I don't think I really want it now. Coz the thing is, P2,000-P3,000 worth lower than the current pay that I have right now, though the position that I am applying for in that job is higher than the position than I am in right now.

Should I go for the prestige or for the money? Hmmm...another million dollar question...anyways...onto the story...

DISCLAIMER:

Muserella: Due to the fact that Boyarina is already way, way too down in the dumps, I would have to deliver this statement myself.

Boyarina: slumped on a chair in one corner of the room

Muserella: shaking her head anyways, Naruto is not hers. Had not been and Will never be.

Boyarina: sniff I heard that... sniff...Action...

**Sassychan**

**by Boyarina**

**Chapter 9: Nearing Konoha**

Had it been any ordinary day in Orochimaru's holding, Kabuto dying wouldn't have taken any toll at him at all. Once he receives the news, he would plainly shrug and return to whatever that he is doing at that very moment.

But this...is different. When Kabuto volunteered to be his personal shield against the million senbon needles sent their way, Sasuke really have to no choice but to agree since there seems to be no better than what Kabuto had suggested.

By the time he reached one hundred meters away from the gates of Konoha, he sliced the head off Kabuto's body and dumped it right on the spot where he did the beheading. The chakra signatures of his pursuers are getting closer, and though their chakra seemed to have magnified two-fold, Sasuke didn't sweat it.

He knows that by the time he cut the distance separating him and Konoha, he would instantly be surrounded by ANBU. If his assailants battled with him at that precise moment and he has Kabuto's head gripped tightly in his hand, it would only solidified the fact that, though he had left them willingly before, he is returning back to prove that he had a reason as to why he left in the first place.

Or at least make it look like that. Hopefully, in the presentation of Kabuto's freshly sliced head, the whole of Konoha would gobble it up: hook, line and sinker.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Comments:

Ehhehehehehe... I know this shouldn't even be considered a chapter...but the thing is...I got lost in the sands of time...and drowned in the flood of tears that were coming out of my eyes...yeah right...anwyays...chapter 10 today too!

Inpirational stuff:

Carpe diem: Seize the day!


	10. The Sighting

**Author's Notes:**

Okay. I'm no longer depressed (grins widely). Again, I am sorry about the last chapter. I promise to make this chapter ten good. Konoha at last! Heheheheh...I was thinking of picking up the speed of the story but the thing is...though excited as i am about the fact sasuke is coming face to face with his teammates and friends again in his new form, i found out that if i just went ahead and rammed the whole point in, the story would die...so...i'm picking my way through the plot...sloooowwwlllyyyy...but surely...much funnier and climactic that way...or least that's the impression that i am aiming at...anyways, read and hopefully: enjoy...

DISCLAIMER:

It's not about the money! It's not all about the money! I love Naruto...I don't own him...I make nothing out of doing this! I just wanna have a higher paying job! Hire me! I swear I am good...way better than...well...i could think of nothing at the moment...but I swear it on the boulder Calibur was stuck onto...

...no deal still?...sigh...no use...on to the story...

**Sassychan**

**by Boyarina**

**Chapter 10: The Sighting**

Sakura could not believe her ears. When Chouji announced that Sasuke had been sighted near the gates of Konoha, being attacked by Sound nins and has Kabuto's head in hand, she knew that the man she had been pinning for the longest time now is here to stay.

Stay here in Konoha for **_good_**.

Unmindful of the fact that she is not included in the team that had been deployed to fight side by side Sasuke and eventually escort him back to Konoha, Sakura rushed head-long into the fray. When Naruto, the head of the aforementioned convoy, found out of her presence in their rescue mission, he simply winked at her and proceeded on crushing the enemies under his merciless super-human attacks.

Truth to be told (and only if she is subjected to pure unrelenting torture would she admit to it), she loves the guy more than Tsunade-sama loves her sake bottles.

NOw is not the time to dwell on that though. Sasuke is here and that is the important thing. Once the uproar regarding his arrival has died, she already have planned on sitting him down (willing or not, even if she would resort in asking Naruto to go Kyuubi on him just so the Uchiha would be restrained) and giving him the talk that they should have done a long, LONG, time ago.

"Sakura-chan," Naruto's voice drifted off to her side. Without her conscious knowledge of it, she had instinctively siddled up to where Naruto is despite the fact she had purposely distanced herself away from him after her one time ecounter with him earlier.

Or it could be the other way around---at any rate, it doesn't really matter. More or less, due to the fact they had always inevitably get paired up in group missions or two-man mission, it wouldn't be that surprising that they would involuntarily seek each other out and pair up. Unlike the rest of the Konoha nin surrounding them whose sole goal is to defeat the sound nins and retrieve Sasuke, the two of them has this unspoken goal that they have added to that list:

_Revive Team Seven ._

Today, it seems, is the appointed day that they would be able to do just that. Come hell or high water, nothing would take this opportunity away from them.

_Today is the day._

"Don't you think it's a high and fine time that we finish them all off?" Sakura asked as she knocked out a sound nin that was going for Naruto's blind side. ONly after she had thrown two kunais to the sound nin that was either planning to give her shave or to relocate her head, that she had realized she had whined like a five-year old child to Naruto.

No wonder he is _smirking _at her.

"Excited, Sakura-chan?" he asked, managing to sound cheeky in between grunts and gasps. Completing a round house kick, he took three sound nins down for the count.

Had she a second to spare, Sakura would have gladly reintroduced Naruto's face to the ground like she had always been so fond of doing whenever he hits a nerve. Fortunately for him (and his well being) she's far too occupied right now to indulge into her whims and into his _masochistic _desire to get clobbered by her most of the time.

"Oh, shut up baka," she said, exasperation tainting her tone as she got cornered on the spot right behind his back. With a trained eye, she surveyed the five sound shinobi who foolishly formed a circle around her and Naruto. They would be easy enough to handle, however, at the rate that the seemingly unendless mass of incoming shinobis that are joining their comrades ion the fight against Konoha ( \and the fight for who is the rightful owner of SAsuke-kun), this battle could turn _ugly very soon._

"You know," Naruto said as though reading her exact thoughts, "they _are _getting far too many for comfort. Ch', time to take out the pesticide, " he paused here to playfully nudge her by the elbow, "Besides, I don't want to detain your meeting with Uchiha-teme."

Sakura rolled her eyes as a small chuckle escaped her lips. Trust Naruto to manage squeezing in a teasing banter in a dire situation such as this.

"Pesticide, huh?" she mused thinking of the few times that they had actually used that technique to accomplish mass annihilation--all made possible due to Kyuubi's chakra.

There's this one teensy-tiny complication: they haven't yet tried it in the number of enemies they are facing now.

"Yep, pesticide revised edition, Sakura-chan," Naruto said, exuding enough self-confidence for the both of them. NOrmally, she would have been annoyed at the boastful tone in his voice, but today, it only bouyed her spirits. Gazillion enemies or more, she knew that it _would be_ executed perfectly.

"They are gonna be sorry they ever stepped past the borders of Konoha," Naruto added smugly, making Sakura's smile broaden. Going by that hard as diamond resolution of his, it is truly _beyond any smidgen of doubt _that these bastards would soon be meeting their maker.

It'll show them that Sasuke-kun was _and_ still is theirs.

Comments:

Have anyone here heard of the song "Goodbye My Lover" by James Blunt?. Check it out. Here's a verse from his song:

You touched my heart, you touched my soul

you changed my life and all my goals

love is blind that's when I knew then

my heart is blinded by you

i've kissed your lips and held your hand

shared your dreams and shared your bed

i know you well and i know your smell

i've been addicted to you

goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend

you have been the one, you have been the one for me...

sad, eh?


	11. The Lock Down

**Author's Notes:**

Posting chapter 11 at the same day that chaps 9 and ten are posted for my dear readers...i know i't like a cliff hanger for every chapter...i'm doing at individual points of view per chapter so it would not get confusing...i have noticed that whenever i coagulate several points of view in one chapter everything kinda gets twisted...so...there you go..anyways...i'll stop my blabbering.

DISCLAIMER:

I'm a believer of mysterious and stange things though nothing has yet to happen to me. If one would happent to me, however, i would extremely appreciate it be that I suddenly become a chanracter in Naruto verse or the maker of Naruto series. I prefer the former wish though. Anyone here who knows a genie? Tell me. Thanks. I do not own Naruto.

**Sassychan**

**by Boyarina**

**Chapter 11:**

Sasuke watched as the Konoha shinobi rescue team collected and regrouped when the bushins in the form of Naruto and Sakura delivered to them some sort of message. He was given one too, but it was "Stay back (teme/Sasuke-kun!)"

Hn. Right. Whatever. Had he been--say Chouji (or Shikamaru), with a bag of chips on hand, he would probably have done exactly just that. But he is not...so...no deal. Sorry.

For the time being, Sasekue is staying on the sidelines as Naruto and Sakura flew up into the air together--her arms stretched sidewards while Naruto had his hands positioned to execute seals, red chakra swirling around him.

A chill ran down Sasuke's spine. If it hadn't been for the blond hair and the orange band on Naruto's right leg, Sasuke would have thought this is a completely different person. Gone is his loud orange clothing--replaced by this white baggy pants that reached past his ankles, covering half of his sandled feet and a plain navy blue sleevelesss shirt that is zipped past his neck (almost up to his chin).

More so, the wide toothy grin his blond teammate is sporting right now is not quite the wide toothy grin he had remembered from before. This smile held too much malicious glee, too much ruthlessness in it for it to be Naruto's trademark grin.

The chill that Sasuke felt before suddenly turned into a subzero temperature when he realized that Nsruto is now staring right back at him. Unnerved by this, he broke his gaze away, focusing on the actions of the rest of the Konoha shinobis as a diversion.

Right underneath the seemingly suspended in mid-air figures of both NAruto and Sakura, stood Shikamaru and that bun-haired girl whose name he couldn't quite place. A few feet away from this formation are Neji and his cousin, positioned vertically from each other, defending the northern and southern areas of the formation, while Shino and Lee are defending the western and eastern sides respectively.

Still in thier gravity defying state, Sakura splayed her fingers out on both hands as innumerable ninja wires spewed out from them. The chakra swirling around Naruto, at that very second, entertwined itself to each of the string that came out of Sakura's digits.

Below them, the shadow bind technique Shikamaru is famous for bound all enemy shinobius within his reachwhile kunais flew forth from the bun-haired girl in front of Shikamaru.

To Sasuke's surprise (and befuddlement), the weapons attached themselves to the wires coming out of Sakura's hands. Due to the limited amount of kunai and shuriken that the bun-haired girl could produce and throw at the same time, not all of the wires spewing out of Sakura had a weapon on it.

The ones that have both Naruto's red chakra surrounding it plus a kunai or a shuriken at the tip struck the enemy's heart dead center and quickly snaked _inside_ the enemy's body. The ones that only has Naruto's red chakra surrounding it struck the other various body parts of the enermy (and if you are thinking it, yes, the _crothes _were not spared) piercing the clothing and _slowly_ _squiggling _its way inside of the body part it happened on.

Sasuke winced at the picture. _Ouch. That gotta hurt._

The enemy shinobis under the influence of Shikamaru's shadow bind technique were easily dealt with and as soon as they were down, that imperilous shadow moved on to its next victim.

Every shinobis are still pouring in waves. Those that dared to get near the circle the rescue team formed and had been lucky enough to evade the strings without kunais (or shurikens) in them were taken care of by Neji, his cousin (he forgot her name too), Shino and Lee.

H couldn't just let them have all the fun now. Deciding to imitate Shikamaru's style of defense (no, he didn't execute the same technique...he copied it though) from the spot he is standing on, he formed the seals that Orochimaru taught him in order to summon snakes on random places from the ground; concentrating hard now to make sure that he would summon snakes with the correct weight and height---snakes that would be large enough to hold a full grown man down; and snakes that would have a venom lethal enough to serve a man his death within seconds.

The seal is complete. Now is the time to show them that he could fight in equal par with them. Now is the time to show Uzumaki Naruto that he is no longer found wanting.

...and after this, if he would be able to scrounge enough bravado, he'd let the dobe know just how disgruntled he is when those blue eyes had locked down on his.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Comments:

Officially, my fingers are now hurting from typing. Anyways..here's the inspirational stuff:

Happiness is a thing to be practiced, like the violin.


	12. Can't You Say Something!

**Author's Notes:  
**

Okay, so I promised to post this up until after chapter fifteen is finished...it's just that I am kinda stuck creating chapter fifteen right now so I gues it might take me another weel to post another update...well here's chapter 12:)

DISCLAIMER:

I don't know exactly why we have to have proprietary rights to the things that are not even tangible. But, then I realized that love is not tangible and yet I am extremely possessive of it. At that moment, in clear and concise detail, it dawned at me. Though I DO NOT OWN NARUTO, I love it and that could not be taken away from me.

Cheers!

**Sassychan**

**by Boyarina**

**Chapter 12: Can't you talk!**

Naruto is worried--no, scratch that, he is EXTREMELY hot and bothered by something he couldn't put his finger on. He would have gladly stowed it away to the recesses of his mind for the time being so he could assess it on his own time later on the day, but the thing is, it kept bobbing up to the surface of his consciousness---almost as though it's demanding for his immediate attention.

He wouldn't be able to spare it a moment's thought, however. As it is, his hands are full right now with the vital task of escorting Uchiha Sasuke into Konoha together with Sakura. Spacing oout and contemplating on something that just might turn out to be completely irrelevant to eveything that is happening now is not an option.

For all he knows, this troublesome feeling might just be due to the fact that he left once again a ramen cup half-eaten on the table, inviting all his unwanted roommates (rodents, flies, cockroaches and the like) to come and dine in...or it could be that he left AGAIN his favorite boxers (the blue one that's dotted with furry little foxes on it) on the clothes line, only to find it being worn as a cap AGAIN by his neighbor's little daughter (apparently the child is smitten both by the blue color and the cute foxy design of his underwear)...

It could be any number of inconsequential things that he forgets now and then which do tickle his subconscious at the most inconvenient times but really doesn' t have any bearing to the greater scheme of things.

Going back to what he should be giving his undivided attention to, Naruto scanned the carnage covering the entry way of the forest grounds of Konoha. By the looks of it, it appears that either they had enjoyed TOO MUCH the act of disposing the enemy or that Sound shinobis didn' t know just when to stop and give in.

It's gruesome to even mention, but the bodies littering on the precious soild of Konoha are way too many to be ignored. If there's one thing that would prove how effective their pesticide techniques is, this would certainly be it. Add the jutsu Sasuke contributed (despite the fact they have told him to just step aside due to the numerous flesh wounds that he has) there's no way they could have been defeated.

Sasuke...

Looking at his former teammate (hopefully will become again his teammate), Naruto's earlier discomfiture came haunting him back again. For the umptenth time now, he attempted to shrug off this most unsettling sensation.

"Naruto," Sakura said, placing a hand on his shoulder and, thankfully, dispelling his unease even if just for the moment. "We need a massive burial for this."

He nodded his assent automatically, still staring at Sasuke who seemed as though he is purposely avoiding his gaze.

"Clear everyone from here," he said softly. When Sakura left his side to reiterate his order to the team and Sasuke, the nagging sensation returned.

Naruto took a lungful of air. Concentrate, he needs to concentrate and perform the correct seals so he oculd execute the jutsu that imitates Subako no Gaara's desert coffin.

Sasuke...

Just as the words for the justsu left his mouth and the earth where all the bodies are lying around disintegrated and sunk, swallowing with it the dead shinobis, it finally clicked in Naruto's head--a plausible reason for this bothersome feeling.

Sasuke...Sasuke is wearing a dress.

No, correct that, a dress robe.

No, wait, not a dress robe, it's a kimono--a rather beautiful, and a very elegant kimono.

A kimono, that by no means, SCREAMS: "I am only worn by WOMEN!"

Naruto could only hope that Sasuke wore THAT garment as a disguise when he made his escape from the Sound Village. Otherwise, if Sasuke is wearing that on purpose, he would be forced to think that either Sasuke is gay or either that he is very...SICK.

Personally, Naruto doesn't know which one is worse. (And even before you ask or think about it, no, there's not a thing about being a gay that Naruto is against at. It'll just be too STRANGE if Sasuke is one.)

Not to mention uncomfortable.

Naruto released the jutsu and the ground quickly returned back to normal, this time devoid of the dead bodies. He exhaled the air that he was holding in, ready now to go directly to the spot--to the person he has yet to take his eyes off.

Sasuke, and partly his outfit, is really BUGGING him.

"Come back 'coz you missed us, huh, Sasuke-kun?" he greeted teasingly, dropping next to Sasuke who merely shrugged at him. To Naruto's eyes and senses, the Uchiha looks--no more like, he feels kind of _different. _He has the same physical attributes like before (though a bit skinnier, having now a face that matured a little)...

..however, something is still not quite right...it's kinda like having an edited version of Sasuke...

Naruto knew he shouldn't be worried because his kyuubi chakra is telling him that the Sasuke standing right here is the same Sasuke that left three years ago, only with a few unseen revisions. Most likely these revisions could be attributed to the fact that Sasuke has stayed far too long in Orochimaru's company--the snake probably sprinkled fairy dust on him or something. (Yeah, in that snake's case, it could be scale shreddings for he knows)

"We should report back tot he Hokage," Sakura spoke up, her voice laced with irritation. After giving NAruto a glare that blared out, 'will you stop scrutinizing Sasuke like he's a specimen under a microscope?' , she jerked her head towards the Hokage Tower so he would hasten to give the order as the leader for the group to move.

Naruto mentally grumbled. Just as he was about to discover that very thing that makes Sasuke feel different, Sakura would have to go and remind him of his duties and responsibilities as the leader.

"Let's move out," he finally said after a long pause, sighing and basically is giving everyone around the impression that he would rather be doing something else, given that he has that choice to take.

Positioning himself on Sasuke's left (with Sakura flanking the Uchiha on the right), he nodded at Shino, Neji, and Hinata.

"Guard the rear," he commanded. Turning to Tenten, Lee and Shikamaru, he said, "Upfront, please"

Everyone nodded their assent and went to their respective places. Naruto and Sakura stayed in the middle, acting as Sasuke's personal escorts.

"Ikkou," he commanded quite unecessarily as Tenten, Lee and Shikamaru had already all leaned forward and took a flying leap towards the gates of Konoha.

It all seemed so surreal to Naruto. He couldn't believe that this is actually happening. For two years of unrelenting search for Sasuke and finding not even a plausible lead...only for things to end up this way.

Were it a couple of years ago, and somebody announced that Ssuke is bound to arrive in Konoha this day, Naruto would have firstly, clobbered that person for making such a gorrid blather and secondly, laughed until his insides split and blood started to gush out of his nose, eyes, mouth, ears ...okay this is just plain morbid.

But! The point is no one would have guessed that it will come down to the event that Sasuke would be the one who would bring himself home, plus with an evidence in tow that he actually meant well when he had decided to become a missing nin. Not even in NAruto's wildest imagination had he seen this one coming. Not in 'the million and one ways to bring Sasuke back' booklet that he created had he made note of this--because it is too much of an impossibility.

And for that, to be truly honest about it, Naruto had never been so happy to be proven wrong.

The Uchiha is BACK--all black and blue, but alive and kicking, which is more than what he had asked for.

The team seven's Sasuke-KUN is back.

His--COUGH--the teme is back.

And Naruto couldn't be more happy about it.

Now if he could only get the bastard to talk. Sasuke had not spoken a single syllalble (not even a grunt) to them yet. Though he is expecting that Uchiha bastard to be still his taciturn self, Naruto thinks that the least Sasuke-teme could do is to grace them with his customary "aa" or "hn" when he and Sakura had flanked him to escort him to the Hokage tower.

Clothing aside, the silence hanging over the Uchiha for reasons yet to be explained to Naruto is worrying him quite a bit too. By the kimono Sasuke is wearing, he could very weel understand whu he is discomfitted by it, but by the way the Uchiha is all clamped up and everything--that's just taking it too far.

It's like he is bugged by everything that the Uchiha has on him and everything that's it not forth coming from the bastard.

This silence...ugh, it's grating on his nerves. Naruto has this sneaking suspicion that Sasuke is doing it on purpose. Out of courtesy (if not out of gratitude for the help they have provided earlier), he should at least voluntarily offer an explanation for the reason fo his return (not unless that bastard is actually expecting Kabuto's head to do the whole narration).

Naruto inwardly shuddred at the image of Kabuto's head actually speaking for Sasuke. Kami, he's just so full of morbid ideas today, isn't he?

At any rate, if Sasuke's refusal to speak to them is an indication that the sheer purpose of his coming back to Konoha is just for that and he would actually shun any attempts that he, Naruto, and Sakura would make to establish team seven--well then, Naruto is going to have to set him straight him right now.

"Sasuke," Naruto said, his head turned towards the boy in question, hoping that he would be able to bore his eyes straight into those ebony ones. Getting his point across to Sasuke's brain is one thing that he wants to make sure of.

"This better not just be a whim of yours," he growled, getting ticked off when Sasuke's gaze merely flitted in his, giving NAruto this noncomittal shrug.

FOR THE SECOND TIME THIS DAY. Can't he just say something?

"Why are you wearing a kinomo, anyways?" he asked, persistent in his quest of making Sasuke SAY SOMETHING. He would resort to anything even to this childish way of making Sasuke pissed just so he would speak.

"Is wearing a woman's kimono a fashion in Sound nowadays? Looks good on you," he snorted, making himself laugh at his own joke.

Too bad though it did not ellicit a response from the person whom he directed it to.

"Naruto! Would you please CAN IT?" Sakura snapped, stretching the word 'please' and stressing the words 'can it' in the process. On the other hand, Sasuke stayed tight lipped, sparing him only a moment's glare, a corner of his right eye twitching violently.

But still NOT A WORD escaped past his lips.

The hell!

Can he not say anything!

-----------------------------------------------------------

comments:

shucks i hope i made this worth the wait...


	13. Side Effects

**Author's Notes:  
**

Nothing really. I just want to put this section in here. No, wait I'm sorry. I forgot. I created this chapter to establishi existing relationships within the Konoha shinobis and to establish why Sakura would later on be appointed as Sasuke's Ally. Oops...did I just said that? OKay, erase it from your minds now...

DISCLAIMER:

You guys might be wondering why I bold every heading except for the disclaimer...ala lang...I don't really want to acknowledge the fact that i am really not the owner of naruto...so there...hehehehhehe...but as always, I do not own Naruto.

**Sassychan**

**by Boyarina**

**Chapter 13: Side Effects**

_What's Naruto's problem?_ Sakura thought irritably. If that blond baka do not shut up, he's gonna drive Sasuke back to the Sound Village. For sure, no one there is as annoying as Naruto is now.

Officially, she's taking back her assessment that she made earlier this week. Naruto hadn't grown up at all; he hasn't moved a single millimeter in the maturity scale she had been constantly measuring him in.

Honestly, if she had the authority to do so, she would have forced him back to the academy so Iruka-sensei would be able to teach him all about the value of maturity all over AGAIN. Or better yet, if she could hypnotize him, she'd order him to create a jutsu that would ensure maturity in the way one speaks, acts and thinks upon execution.

Naruto...

"Let's leave the interrogation to the Godaime, shall we?" Neji quietly suggested from the back.

_Finally a voice of reason!_ Sakura thought sending Neji a grateful glance. She was about to say the words to second Neji's opinion, but the sight that greeted her at the back row of their formation caused her to pause...

...and_ stare_.

Neji is hoisting a protesting Hinata on his back--it really is quite obvious that Hinata was not prepared nor was completely agreeable to what her cousin is doing by the number of small 'eeps' and squeaks the Hyuuga is emitting.

"N-nii-san..." Hinata gasped out as she was summarily (if not successfully on Neji's point of view) slumped against the Hyuuga prodigy's back and shoulders.

"What are you doing?" Sakura asked, frowning, her anger at Naruto momentarily forgotten.

_What is wrong with everybody today?_

Neji grunted, swiping a hand at Hinata's stray purple lock that somehow found it's way to his mouth when he was hitching her up so he could give her a piggy back ride.

"She's having a lot of hearburns lately, especially when physically strained. Plus, Hiashi-sama still would require us to do some training later." Neji answered, holding a finger up just as Hinata-sama drew enough oxygen so she could contradict his statement.

Neji smiled a little, knowing full well that he had won the battle when Hinata-sama's words spluttered out into indecipherable mumblings.

After glancing at Hinata with a sympathetic look in her eyes, Sakura shook her head, thinking how frustrating it is to have someone as overprotective as Neji looking after you. She knows, for she has Naruto to gain the first hand experience from.

That guy, he sends every male who would so much as try to flirt with her scurrying for cover, saying that the person was exuding so much pheromones that Sakura might just very well sophocate from inhaling massive quantities of it. One thing that makes her plight different from Hinata, though, is that she gets to sock Naruto if he ever ends up chasing away a male that she happens to like.

Up to this day, Sakura regrets telling him all about pheromones and how it affects the opposite sex for she is quite certain that's how he concocted the lie about he being able to detect these minute chemical particles in the air through the help of Kyuubi.

"You know," Shino began, as he pensively brought his hand to stroke his chin, "Neji-san, you have been doing that quite a lot lately."

The Hyuuga boy paled, but his expression did not at all changed. Had he been truly guilty of the transression Shino accused him of, one wouldn't have truly guessed it, not unless Neji would admit it himself.

"T-that's not true," Hinata claimed a little petulantly, destroying whatever intentions Neji might have had in masking the whole truth. As it is, Sakura would have been content in leaving the issue alone when Neji had refused to budge even with Shino's revelation. But the things is, Hinata's words and the way she had been so flustered about it (not to mention the blush on her cheeks), got Sakura all intrigued.

"Is that so?" Sakura asked, a little evil smile tugging at the corners of her lips. She shared a look with Shino who nodded, appearing like a kid telling his homeroom teacher about the bully taking his precious time away from his favorite toy.

"Hn. He constantly fetches Hinata from out training fifteen minutes--sometimes thirty minutes--before it actually ends," Shino muttered. Had he not been wearing sunglasses that completely hid his eyes, everyone would have had a fascinating time seeing his beady eyes shift towards where Neji is.

"Is that why you have been taking off early from our youthful training Neji-kun!" Lee yelled from up front, sounding somewhere between outrage and disbelief. By his tone alone, you could tell that he usually gets ditched in the middle of a sparring session by his (or what he considers is his) true rival one too many times.

Tenten must have seen this coming for she snorted even before Lee finished his declaration (not that it actually stopped Lee from completing what he must say).

"C'mon, Lee-kun, you know Neji never really leaves you not until he is sure your butt is sticking up in the air unguarded!" she retorted in Neji's behalf, giving her green-clad teammate a good-natured (quite painful, really) slap on the back.

"Ack!" Lee yelped, dancing away from Tenten least he receives again one of her friendly (deadly, to be truly honest) pats.

"It's not healthy to be obsessive about your cousin!" Lee cried in defense of himself. Well, this is, as everyone know by now, is definitely uncalled for, thus is deserving the appropriate reaction.

"Excuse me?" Neji said hotly, "I am not obsessing over Hinata-sama! I'm just concerned about leaving her with these guys she calls her teammates." He stopped here to give Shino a heated glare. "Especially you."

"What's wrong with me?" Shino (now with the nickname 'the accused') asked, his nose wrinkling up.

Neji answered this with a guttural sound at the back of his throat.

"You are a perv, that's what!" he groused, "and I saw Akamaru nuzzling Hinata-sama on her NECK, and that was YESTERDAY!"

Neji purposedly distanced himself away from Shino, showing everyone just how obviously distasteful it is to have the bug master somewhere near his Hinata-sama.

"Niisan, it's not what you think it is," Hinata said quietly. Sighing, she anchored her chin on her cousin's right shoulder and dared to glance sidewards to her teammate.

'I'm sorry' her eyes said.

"What is it then, Hinata-sama?" Neji asked, his irritation now encompassing even the person whom he is supposedly protecting. He couldn't help it since Hinata-sama is too nice even for her own good. More so, her teammates are abusing it!

Hinata sighed again. Though she knew it is quite hopeless by now, what with Neji-niisan on overdrive with his 'I am your appointed Guardian' attitude, she at least would try to defend her teammates.

"Niisan, during the time you found the kikai bug in my shirt was--"

Neji drew his imaginary cork and used it as a lid against the words coming out of Hinata-sama's lips.

"I found the male kikai bug on the crevice on your bossom, Hinata-sama!" he said outraged. How can she be defending these ecchis!

Sakura could no longer take this anymore. Not after what Neji said. She might not be a relative; she might not be a teammate, but she would definitely involve herself in this mess.

She is a woman and she finds it offensive if a male--might it be a relative or a friend--would have the gall to look down her chest.

"Why were you looking at Hinata's 'bossoms'?" Sakura asked slowly, using this voice that could only be best described as a voice that's coming from the depths of a grave, scaring all the cute forest animals that happened to be in their way. She didn't care. What's important is that it brought out her desired effect from the Hyuuga prodigy:

Neji is utterly flabbergasted (and on top of him, acting as an aside consequence to the events that had unfolded, is Hinata, who is fast becoming purple--could be red-violet--in the face)

"I did not do it intentionally," Neji said calmly, quickly recovering his cool and composure. Controlled though his voice might be, the twitching of his left eye spoke volumes on how truly miffed he is by Sakura's words (and of course of the whole situation).

"Man, you are already caught in the trap of your own making. Why not just admit that you were peeking at Hinata-chan's 'bossoms'?" Naruto asked, deciding then that it is the appropriate time to put his two cents in. Besides, with a Sasuke not talking, and a Sakura who is waiting for her anger to boil over at Neji, there's really nothing better that he could do.

Oh, wait, here's the lava from the volcano's mouth coming.

"How in the world did you saw Hinata-chan's 'bossoms'?" Sakura thundered her face half-hidden by the curtains of her bangs and from what one could see of her eyes, it is twice as large as is normal. Had she been in a horror movie, she would have been definitely the monstrous villain.

Neji could have cringed at the sight had be been any normal teenager, but he is not. So instead, what his reaction was: cooly shrugging it off on the outside and MAJORLY cringing on the inside.

Naruto was not kidding when he said Sakura is SCARY when she had that look about her.

Considering that Sakura has her back at the path ahead (while they are leaping trees, mind you) and has her unwavering attention on him (when in fact he should NOT be the receiving end of that 'why-are-you-such-a-hentai-' look) he assumed that she was waiting for an explanation from him.

Exhaling loudly, Neji said, "I accidentally walk in on her dre---"

Hinata slapped a hand over her cousin's mouth which (in her opinion) had gone way--way--out of line A-GAIN. This is the final straw, she had HAD IT!

"Can we please talk about something else?" She asked in that unobstrusive fashion she knew she would never grow out of. With pleading eyes, she silently begged for Sakura to let up and let go.

"But the male population of Konoha are trying to take advantage of your femininity!" Sakura protested, perfectly unwilling to let the issue drop and (if it actually needs to be mentioned still) showing extreme signs of distress and irritation.

"Hey! Don't include Shika, Lee and me in that! We didn't do anything wrong!" griped Naruto who (if you haven't figured it out yet for yourself) intentionally left Sasuke out, hoping (still) to get a rise out of the Uchiha.

His actions produced, yet again, no results. However, Sakura, not missing a beat, did notice this error in his statement.

"Why did you not include Sasuke-kun?" she snapped, turning her blazing eyes to the fox right next to her beloved Uchiha.

Unfazed, Naruto merely shrugged at her before giving her a cheeky grin.

"Coz he's wearing a kimono, that's why!"

Any hopes left that Naruto has to get just even a smidgen of a reply from the Uchiha at this point got clobbered out of him by none other than Sakura.

My dear readers, due to the nature of violence that _your minds_ have (if not GREENISH, to boot) I would no longer go into the details of how Sakura disemboweled Naruto in the fear of compounding to it.

You, however, are free to imagine all you want though. Go on...imagine...

----------------------------------------

comments:

this chapter is up for revisions...i think...i kinda need it for the story flow so sorry if it sucks ...


	14. Crowding In!

**Author's Notes:**

Hi! Minna-san! We had a power interruption yesterday so I wasn't able to post this. Really, I was in the last paragraph and everything...Anyways, last night I was typing about me having a lot of accidents lately. So it had me thinking that I should post this really soon, you know just in case anything happens to me. Hehehehe, sorry, didn't mean to scare you there. I have been scaring myself off these past few days too.

By the way, this chapter is dedicated to Sasuke's resulting animal magnetism that affects only the male species. It's gonna play an important role in establshing Naruto;s role as the Protector. Darn it, did I just say that again!

DISCLAIMER:

I do not want to procrastinate. I DO NOT OWN NARUTO. He owns me though.

**Sassychan**

**by Boyarina**

**Chapter 14: Crowding In!**

Had there been a microchip in Sasuke's brain that is recording all the thoughts whizzing past all his neurons, a mere twenty minutes ago, the words '_get off my back, get off my back, get off my back'_ would've definitely been there once it's been played back. It's not so surprising really, considering the multifarious instances that Naruto tried to get him to speak.

Fortunately for him, technology geeks of Fire Country had yet to formulate something that would resemble that. More so he has Hinata, Neji and Shino to thank for for creating a distraction.

Naruto, as usual, is quite unstoppable when it comes to getting a hold of something he is intent on gaining. Sasuke knows that it that guy had found out what buttons he would have to push, Sasuke would have eventually given in and SNARLED something out.

Given the state that his voice is in right now, this would definitely have ended up in a furor with everyone BUG-EYED and SHOCKED beyond disbelief.

That is why, up until now, Sasuke is keeping himself cool. Through some divine force that was watching over him, he had managed to do this. Perhaps, if this goes well, he wouldn't have to speak at all.

So far, his day is going smoothly as, well, not exactly as planned, but is going smoothly. With Naruto and Sakura now being currently reprimanded by the Godaime inside her office, Sasuke is one happy camper as he sat there amongst the members of the convoy sent to fetch and help him out. He knew none of these guys well enough and they likewise have spent very little time in his company for them to be obliged to speak to him.

Mission _'shut the hell up so no one finds out about your squeaky voice'_ somehow is working out just fine. The problem might arise, however, once he's the one inside Tsunade-sama's office.

Earlier, he thought that he could simply hold up Kabuto's head for the Hokage to see so he wouldn't need to explain to her at all. The head (albeit quite dead, and bluish) spoke volumes on why he had returned back to Konoha--that he went to Orochimaru's holdings only only to betray him and kill his right hand man. After all, the snake tried to destroy Konoha three years ago. It's a high and fine time that he pays for doing that heinuous crime.

Just that the thing is, Kabuto's head--his sole shield and evidence--had literally been wrestled out from his hands by the guards of the Hokage Tower the very second they had stepped a foot inside of it. Either due to the fact that he would miss Kabuto's head or due to the fact that he would be quite defenseless without it (he surely hoped it is the LATTER reson), he was little too adamant in giving it up when was asked to _'hand it over'._

In fact, a little tug of war had ensued when Sasuke stretched his hand out to surrender it but didn't exactly let go of the strands of hair he was clutching onto. The only time he actually he released it was when Inuzuka Kiba came out of nowhere and started to sniff him out.

Sniffing him out on places he shouldn't be sniffed at.

More concerned about the sanctity of his body, Sasuke finally gave up the battle on Kabuto's head and focused on Kiba's unwelcomed invasion. More than put off by this intrusion, he very nearly covered his body like what a nude girl would do in the presence of a perverted hermit and slapped the dog boy SENSELESS.

Settling for a more subtler reaction, Sasuke, instead, crossed his amrs over his chest and stayed stock still until the dog boy gave everyone a thumbs up sign.

"He is Sasuke," Kiba had said grudgingly, a small frown marring his forehead. "Yup, Uchiha Sasuke," he reiterated ad though trying to convince himself.

When Kiba gave him an appraising look--a look that spanned from the tips of toes to the crown of head--all the while licking his lips as though he has found himself one tasty bone he wanted to ravish, Sasuke VERY NEARLY smashed his face in. But considering that the act would have surely landed him in prison, he held himself back. Prison's the last thing that he needed.

Sasuke knew he really should not dwell in the past considering that _that Inuzuka freaking-sniffer Kiba_ is long gone now. What he really should focus on in his meeting with the Godaime.

What he should he do so he could get away without speaking to her as well? Should he just come out and tell the truth?

No...it'll be way too uncomfortable...not to mention embarrasssing...

"Sasuke-san?"

Sasuke's head shot up, his eyes meeting the worried face of Rock Lee. When Gai's prized student didn't speak for a moment too long, Sasuke cocked his head to the side--the most nonverbal gesture he could think of--to prompt Lee to continue.

"Do you need to go the bathroom?" Lee asked, a rather large and strangely VISIBLE question mark popping out head. "I'll escort you if you need to go," he added, giving him that glinting smile (that nearly blinded him) and a wink.

_What? _Sasuke thought, balking internally. Trying not let a wince show in his guarded expression, he shook his head and looked away from Lee's all to cheery face.

"Why in the world did you ask him that Lee?" commented the bunhaired girl, whose name he found out to be Tenten, her voice halfway between incredulity and hilarity.

With beady eyes that shifted from one side of his head tot he other, Lee cupped hand over his mouth and placed it near Tenten's ear. In a stage whisper he said, "Coz he's looking kinda..you know...constipated..."

Sasuke's inner ire flared upon hearing Lee's '_secret conversation.' _Really! that guy should not have even bothered covering his mouth since anything that has ears within the TWO-MILE radius would've heard what he said.

"Don't mind him, he's genetically defective that way." Neji wryly. He coughed a bit then continued, "But if you really need to go to the bathroom, I'll accompany you." Then as though forgetting something, he looked at side and quickly grabbed his cousin's arm.

"With Hinata-sama, of course," he added as an afterthought.

"And I won't peek," Neji added, yet again, this time a blush tainting his cheeks.

_What the hell?_ Sasuke thought, trying to discreetly distance himself away from Neji ('the psycho').

"You know, I am more qualified to escort him to the bathroom," Shino stated in his dead-panned way of saying things. What belied the tone of his voice is the sharp glance he threw on Neji's direction.

_What is it with these guys and escorting him to the bathroom_? Sasuke growled internally and would have in fact ran screaming out of the room had be been in the liberty to do so.

But he is Uchiha Sasuke and definitely is obligated so uphold the name of Uchiha so he stayed, endured and the inanity around him and tried NOT to look CONSTIPATED.

Later, Sasuke SWORE to himself, once he is again in good standing in the village, he'd GET BACK to all the male members of the convoy who rescued him make him and make them pay for putting him in this position that is nothing short of torture.

"Sasuke-san, are you sure you don't want to go to the bathroom?" Lee persisted worriedly, his large pronounced eyes and equally prominent eyebrows set in a deep frown as he leaned forward, nearly coming nose to nose with him.

Sasuke flattened himself against the wall he is leaning on in his haste to get away from the green clad teen. He wouldn't go as far as to say that he is disgusted by Lee per se (though he is most certainly looking like a dirty old man) but he is most definitely hating the fact that Lee appears to be SMELLING him.

Haven't these guys realized that what they are doing is actually OFFENSIVE? Lee is the SECOND person who did that today! He doesn't smell THAT BAD does he?

Yes, he is aware that he had yet to take a bath in approximately three days, but he isn't dirty! Not maladorous! In fact, take away the smudges of blood on his hands, you'd see how clean his hands really are and take away the muddied kimono, you'd hardly smell any scent from him at all!

He is CLEAN and he DOESN'T SMELL! To hell with them if they think so otherwise!

"You smell nice Sasuke-san," Lee blurted out, broadly grinning at him. He straightened up and sheepishly scratched a spot on his cheekbone. "You really do."

_Damn right! _Sasuke thought, agreeing silently with Lee. But as the zing realization of what the actual meaning of Lee's words dawned on him, Sasuke did a double take take and choked on his own spit.

_T-the hell!_

Sasuke would have proceeded on giving Lee some serious pounding for HITTING on him but Tenten had beaten him in that very task.

Jerking Lee by the arm, the bun-haired girl gave him a sound wallop on the forehead. "Lee! Have you been reading those come, come paradise booklets again? Didn't I told you to stay away from Kakashi-san? All this time I was thinking that Gai-sensie's wholesome attitude is rubbing off you since I got you an apartment closer to his!"

"Kakashi-san's" Lee replied, groaning, his eyes in comical swirls, "hip apartment is nearer..."

Tenten threw her hands in the air exasperated "Ah, you're hopeless." Then flashing Sasuke a pained look, she said "Sorry about that. He's been around Kakashi-san lately."

Sasuke nodded his head slowly as he watched the exchange, trying not to cringe in HORROR. Never in his worst nightmare had he imagined that this day will come--the day that Lee, of all people Lee, of all people, became a pervert.

If this innocent shinobi had been indeed, tainted by his former sensie, the whole of Konoha shinobi population is in grave danger. Well, in grave danger in the sense that if they had';t been contaminated yet by Kakashi-sense's hentainess.

...oh my god, EVERYONE in Konoha now are ecchis aren't they?

As if proving his very thoughts, Neji's head suddenly loomed close to him, wearing an expression that's unmistakably SIMILAR (for the lack of better description), to a dirty old man.

"Tenten, I think Lee is quite right," the Hyuuga prodigy drawled out, "The Uchiha does smell good."

Finding himself once again pinned on the wall with nowhere to go, the self-restraint that Sasuke impresed upon himself nearly killed him as he resisted his DESIRE to smack Neji senseless as he invaded his personal space.

_Get away from me!_ He fumed silently.

His grip on self-control was slowly slipping out and was (in fact) about to be freed when Hinata, this time, jerked her cousin by his hair and slid into what minute space left between him and Neji.

"N-niisan!" Hinata hissed softly, her back against her cousin. Using her body, she slowly backed Neji away and smiled at him apologetically.

"Gomen", she intoned in that shy voice of hers.

Sasuke was about to nod his again, thinking that it would be the end of that. However, when HInata had reached a good foot away from him, she flew back to the very spot she was before and motioned something in the air that looks uncannily like she is trying to get her hand PLUNGED inton the front of his shirt.

He gave her a blank look. _What is she getting at?  
_

The answer came soon enough when Shino spoke.

"Neji, you are quite right. The male kikai bug reports that this Uchiha DOES smell good."

Sasuke twitched. It probably was a very good idea IFhe had broken down earlier and ran screaming to the nearest exit.

Damn the Uchiha name. This is no NOT worth it.

----------------------------------------------

Comments:

okay. i am so out of it today. hoped you like this one.


	15. Involving Shikamaru

**Author's Notes:  
**

okay, chapter fourteen, I would say this now to get it over with. i think i hate chapter 14. i failed in my attempt at humour. it really sucked. cries anyways, i can't promise this chapter would be good. the thing is, you might be confused as to why this chapter is here, but i need it once again to establish Naruto's character as the protector in the later chapters. thanks for your understanding. you might be thinking: what happned to kabuto? he's gonna appear soon. don't worry.

DISCLAIMER:

sighI do not own Naruto.

**Sassychan**

**by Boyarina**

**Chapter 15: Involving Shikamaru**

Shikamaru knew that something is underfoot the moment Kiba started to sniff Sasuke out, and had, thereafter looked like a man struck with lust. He didn't know at first why his instincts tells him that this particular reaction from Kiba should dissuade him from staying close to Uchiha, but based on the things that are happening now, was he ever so GLAD he did as he was told.

There is something wafting around Sasuke-san that's making Lee, Shino and Nejji gravitate towards him. Being five feet away from the missing nin (that now has finally returned), Shikamaru couldn't exactly tell--not that he really cared finding what it is. For sure, he would rather NOT know about it, especially if it means that he would end up looking like a dog who found himself a sniffing post.

Despite the efforts of both Hinata and Tenten, the three males crowded in around Sasuke, breathing in whatever Uchiha scent there may be--nearly inhaling the poor shinobi in to their nostrils.Good thing that Sasuke is a multi-cellular creature for he had been microscopic, that nin would certainly find himself trapped, by now, inside Lee, Shino and Neji's brachioles.

Chaos had certainly been brewing by the time Sasuke was cornered in, but it finally broke out when Naruto barged out of the Godaime's office, already looking pissed as hell and with a Sakura trailing behind him smiling giddily.

"What in the world are you trying to do accomplish here?" Naruto snarled as his eyes landed on the scene before him. The three shinobis quickly backed away from the circle they had made knowing full-well that it's only gonna get ugly if they dare contradict Naruto when he is having his (rare) eloquent moments.

Shikamaru couldn't help observing that right after Sasuke was freed from his human barricade NAruto (with nothing to hinder him on his path) got transfixed by Sasuke's scent as well. The blond seemed to be resisting it though for, albeit, he seemd like he EXTREMELY would've wanted to PASTE himself on Sauke's shirt, he held himself away by stretching a rigid arm before him and placing the hand of the said arm on Sasuke's shoulder. Like an executioner, he steered Sasuke to the Godaime's office.

"The Godaime wishes to speak to you now," Shikamaru heard Naruto saying, still using his _I-am-as-eloquent-as-hell _speech. Knowing that, at this point, their mission is definitely over, he turned and was about to make his exit when Naruto called out to him.

"Shikamaru, the Godaime requires your presence in her office as well."

Shikamaru stopped in his tracks and looked back, confused (and somewhat amused). Why would the Godaime _'require'_ his presence? And, what made Naruto that pissed causing him to keep on using that ingrating speech? Really, had Naruto henged into Neji and talked to the him the way he is speaking now, he certainly would not have any clue that it is Naruto he'd be talking to at that time. Also, he would not stick around long enough to investigate further because eloquent speech HURT his eardrums as much as nails screeching against a blackboard does to anyone.

"Troublesome," he finally muttered and waited until Sasuke had gone inside the room before going in himself.

What he saw inside did not surprised him at all. Naruto's sour mood (obscure though the reasons maybe) prepared him for the _'I-need-to-punch-something-utterly-hard-right-now'_ attitude of Tsunade-sama. As it is, this has always been the case as before.

A pissed off Naruto marching off from the Godaime's office would certainly equal to _i-am-going-to-blow-fire-through-my-nose_ Hokage. She might be sitting there calmly on her chair looking serene, but if you looked closely enough, you'd see her temple nerves rhythmically throbbing. More so, had he had a cool glass of water at that time, he might just have been fool-hardly enough to hold it where her nostrils are and check for evidences of steam coming out of her nose.

Dashing his thoughts in the fear that Tsunade-sama would discover them through her intense scrutiny, Shikamaru bowed to her deeply.

"Hokage-sama," he greeted. "You have requested for me to be here?"

Despite his direct inquiry, Tsunade-sama chose not to answer him. She had given him, however, a look that clearly said _'shut your trap'_ , then redirected her gaze to Naruto.

"I'll talk to you later. For now, you go."

Naruto is not too happy about what Tsunade-sama said for instead of doing what he was told, he made himself comfortable on his spot beside Sasuke.

"I agreed to what you said! Can't I just stay here?" he griped, threading his hands through his blond hair.

_Agreed to what?_ Shikamaru mused watching as suddenly Naruto perked up and held one finger up to shush the retort that was about to come out of the Godaime's lips.

The blond whipped his head around him and like a man who is yet to decide where he wants to go, shuffled to where the book case stood, then flattened himself to its side.

"OKay, now you go on and pretend that I'm not here," he declared triumphantly.

Tsunade-sama scrunched her face up all the while shaking her head and fist.

"I can still SEE you! How can I--WE--pretend that you're NOT here!" she shouted. Pointing to the door, she continued, "Now get your bum out of this office. NOw!"

Naruto stomped his foot down petutantly, but once again, immediately switched moods like lightning. He shot out from where he was and to the Hokage's astonishment came sprinting towards her. Screeching to a halt in front of the Hokage, Naruto hesitated for a second, then, as if making up his mind, he planted Tsunade-sama off to the side, ducked down and tucked himself under Tsunade-sama's desk.

"There! Can't see me now, CAN YOU!" he cackled madly.

Honestly, Shikamaru don't know what drugs Naruto is taking, but the desk he is hiding under doesn't have wooden panelling underneath and he could definitely see Naruto in plain view. Exhaling loudly, Shikamaru puffed out his cheeks and muttered, "Troublesome."

In a louder voice, he said, "I can still SEE you, Naruto."

The very second the words were out of his mouth, the Hokage, apparently having had enough of Naruto's antics, planted her hands on her desk soundly, and, without a care to what other's would think of her actions, chucked the desk out of her glass panelled window. The glass broke and the desk flew far, far into oblivion.

Tsunade-sama looked like an avenging angel amidst the falling broken shards of glass. She is not finished, however, taking hold of Naruto's shoulders, she lifted him over her head and...

...and sent him flying after the poor unfortunate desk.

"There! That solves that!" she said, satisfaction distinct in her voice. She dusted her hands off as she cooly assessed his and Sasuke's horror-stricken faces.

In the background, if you strain your ears enough, you'd still hear Naruto's outraged 'EIYEEEEEIII' as he continued to free fall down to the ground floor. The hokage tower, after all, is infinitely TALL.

It might take Naruto a WHILE to hit the ground.

Tsunade-sama just waved her hand casually. "Don't worry, he'll survive." Straigthening the front of her hokage robe, she went on in a business-like tone, "Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes. I have one thing to say to the both of you, two things to say to you, Shikamaru and a lot to you Uchiha Sasuke."

She paused here for effect, then gave each of them a stern glare.

"From this day forward, the two of you should always be in the same vicinity as the other. You, Shikamaru, you don't need to attach yourself right next to Uchiha. Maintain the distance that you have from him right now. That is good. You just need to watch he--I mean, Sasuke anyway."

The Hokage coughed, making Shikamaru all the more suspicious about what appeared to be a blunder in her last statement.

He could have sworn Tsunade-sama said _'her' _right before she corrected herself and said Sasuke's name instead.

"Shikamaru."

Upon hearing his name, Shikamaru shoved all his speculations away and centered all his attention to what the Hokage is saying.

"Report to me any strange ongoings AROUND Sasuke. I repeat, any strange on goings AROUND," She drew a circle in the air to emphasize her point, "Sasuke."

Scowling, Shikamura nodded. Despite the fact that it had been drilled into him to respect his elders, he couldn't really help creasing his brows when Tsunade-sama suddenly began treating him as though he wouldn't be able to figure out for himself what _'around'_ meant.

Why does she have to keep on repeating AROUND when it's all about Sasuke that he'll be reporting to her anyway? Shikamaru grumbled internally as he observed the Godaime repeatedly tracing the circle she drew in the air moments ago.

"Shikamaru, did you understood what I said?" Tsunade-sama asked, though in Shikamaru's opinion, she didn't really need to.

Humouring her, and to show her that he still treats HER with utmost respect, Shikamaru bowed deeply.

"Hai. Duly noted. Anything else, Hokage-sama?" he asked.

The godaime shook her head, pigtails appearing and disappearing on the front of her shoulders.

"Tha's all Nara. Now, go get yourself gone before before I give you the same exit as I did Naruto," she said cheerfully, finally dismissing him.

After a harried bow, Shikamaru quickly fled not wanting to meet some fate that Naruto did.


	16. I know how to read, can you?

**Author's Notes:**

I know I have posted this far far too late in the week...believe me...a LOT of things happened to me, even I couldn't they actually happened. Anwyays, tell you all about them in a story.

DISCLAIMER:

I do not own Naruto. Yes, I am no longer mincing my words.

**Sassychan**

**by Boyarina**

**Chapter 16: I know how to read, can you?**

Tsunade sighed, feeling the burden of the task she's about to embark upon weighing down on her shoulders. She really should just stop prolonging the moment and get it over with.

"Come here, Uchiha," she said, motioning for him to come closer.

He didn't take heed of her words at first, as he kept on standing there staring at her as though she had grown an extra head or two.

To say the least, Tsunade is baffled by his reaction. Didn't she just say 'come here'? What's WRONG with that?

...okay, so maybe she almost had said 'her' earlier which might have caused this reaction to come from Sasuke. But that doesn't count! She didn't even get to finish saying the word! Also, she covered it up real good with her--his, _HIS_--name.

Ugh, this is getting complicated, just as she had feared; just as she had predicted. Don't you just hate yourself sometimes knowing that you're always right?

"Are you going to just stand there all day or are you going to make me haul your bum all the way here?" she snapped, taking note of how Sasuke's eyes shot to her broken window (yes, the very window pane where Naruto made his exit earlier) and the huge sweat drop that manifested itself on the side of his face.

"You did know I could read, right, Uchiha?" she asked, her voice full of sarcasm, but despite this, she wouldn't go as far as to say that her question though is purely rhetorical. For if in case Sasuke did DOUBT her ability to decipher kanji and understand the meaning of the words that they form, she very much would like to know ALL about it.

Though now that Sasuke is near her--near to the person who do him serious bodily harm, might I add--it doesn't seem as though he's gonna be forthcoming with his answer to reassure her.

Oh well, he's probably hiding a nasty surprise there inside his mouth that's why he is keeping it shut.

"You do know, as well, that I keep a generous collection of scrolls regarding important family traditions, seals, CURSES, jutsus, whatnots here with me, don't you Sasuke-kun?" she asked once again, affecting the air of pure casualness, but stressing on the word 'curses' and giving the Uchiha heir a pointed stare when she had said it.

She knew she a hit a nerve when Sasuke's ever pallid expression turned into astonishment. The corners of his mouth started to spasm, making him appear as though he wanted to say something but couldn't bring himself to do it.

It is beyond doubt now that he is INDEED hiding something NASTY inside of his mouth.

Tsunade smirked. "Yes. I know what you are thinking, but before you say anything, I need for you to raise your arms up."

Like an automaton, Sasuke immediately obeyed. His mind and body probably are both going to shock as he processed the startling information that all of her previous queries are pointing at.

Tsunade knew that going into shock is dangerous and she should actually snap him out of it, but considering that for the meantime, since this numbness is making him all agreeable, she would let him stay in this state until after she's finished with her ministrations.

She ran her eyes up and down his arms, taking note that muscle groups typical for a male are still there. To make sure that that they are not starting to loosen because of the inevitable physical change, she pinched and squeezed his upper limbs, much like what a buyer would do to meat in a butcher shop.

Satisfied that his arms are going to be fine for a while, she moved on to check his eyes (dilated because of shock), pulse (uneven, again because of shock), chest (no breasts yet) and legs (same conditions as arms).

"You still have Sasuke-JR, don't you?" she asked cheekily, watching as Sasuke cart wheeled back to reality mere due her question.

Sasuke spluttered a time or two, then realizing that his actions are getting him nowhere, he nodded.

But, still nary a syllable went said.

"Can't you speak, Sasuke?" Tsunade growled, annoyed by the Uchiha's taciturn attitude. If he is hiding something, he better LITERALLY spit it out now. Otherwise, she's going to have to resort to BRUTE force to get him to answer.

"So, for the last time, Sasuke, can-YOU-SPEAK?" Tsunade bit out her words, hoping to incite an answer from the ever mute Uchiha.

The only response that she got, however, is a look of pure consternation that flashed only for a second. Without skipping a beat, he cocked his head on one side and raised his should as if to say: "I dunno..."

A tick started on her left eye as Tsunade felt her ire getting pricked by this one-sided conversation. Truly! It's as though, she's speaking to a stone wall, only WORSE. In the case of the stone wall, in the event that she actually gets around in conversing with it, she'd be able to forgive its inability to reply back for it has NO mouth, NO tongue, and NO vocal chords!

But this Uchiha has, and he better use it NOW or she's going to MAKE him!

"So?" she prompted again, promising herself that this is the last straw.

When Sasuke coughed, Tsunade eased her anger down a notch. She's gonna try to be in her best disposition now that the Uchiha is beginning to cooperate. After all, if she blows her gasket now, they're definitely gonna have to start at square one.

When Sasuke cleared his throat this time, it took all of Tsunade's monstrous strength so she could stop herself from unleashing her mighty FURY on him. Reminding herself that should she decide to knock the living daylights out of this teen, she'll be knocking out one of the last living Uchiha--the decent one at that.

Besides, it'll be no fun clobbering him since he doesn't have the Kyuubi's healing power not like her Naru-chan punching bag.

When Sasuke coughed for the SECOND TIME around, Tsunade's mind grappled on straws as she fought to remember the song she was taught in her anger management classes with Jiraiya. Slowly breathing in and out, she quickly wadded through all the songs she got stacked in her head, going as fast she as she could in her search.

It's something about being pretty and faggots...Tsunade thought her mind spacing out for a bit as she racked her head for that one song she actually liked in her anger management classes. In fact, she had liked it so much that she got last song syndrome for days after learning it.

A light bulb switched on top of Tsunade's head as the lyrics and the rhythm of the song came back to her full force.

_I am pretty! I am so pretty! I am pretty and witty and gay!_

When Sasuke cleared his throat again, she had hardly noticed it. She's completely immersed in her own HAPPY song.

_I am so charming! I'm so charming! There's no one that's as charming as me!_

Unable to dapple the surge of serotonin in her blood (happy hormones is what we call it normal people) Tsunade beamed toothily to no one in particular. She would have continued on too with her drunken rhapsody had her mind not registered the fact that Sasuke was SLOOOOWWWLLLYYY backing away from her.

"You stop right there! Uchiha! Otherwise, I'll tell Sakura to haul your things to her parents' house so you could sleep with her instead of her staying with you!" she yelled, finally snapping out of her funk.

If Sasuke's face was not looking mortified enough earlier due to her singing, he's definitely looking mortified now.

"What!" Sasuke exclaimed, incredulous. Well, at least Tsunade saw and somehow believes that it is Sasuke who exclaimed that.

It sure DIDN'T sound like him though.

"Sakura's living with me?" the unusually sounding Sasuke gasped out, "What did I ever do to you?"

Tsunade crossed her arms and glared at him. "I am actually doing you a favor." She sniffed, assuming a front of a person who's extremely been offended. "You should thank me."

"Where's the 'you're doing me a favor' in this?" Sasuke asked, completely aghast.

Tsunade shrugged. "Well, seeing that she's a girl and you're going to be a girl, I think it's the most convenient set-up." She patted herself on the back for being time and time again, the voice of reason.

"Oh, don't worry, Uchiha, I didn't tell her that, you know, you're gonna be a girl." she tossed out to reassure Sasuke's growing incredulity.

Looking at him, Tsunade couldn't exactly make out the expressions passing in and out of his face. At one point, he appeared as though he wanted to shrivel up and die, then the next minute he appeared as though he wanted to throttle her instead. Well, whatever it is, he seemed to be EXTREMELY distressed with what she said.

"You didn't tell her?" Sasuke clarified in a forlorn whisper, still in that broken girly pitch she's finally coming in terms with.

Again, Tsunade shrugged, thinking that at least now that his killer intent has passed, she'd grace him with an answer. Poor kid, looking there all pitiful and all.

"I though it'd be fun for Sakura to find out on her own. Don't you think?" she replied.

Sasuke buried his face in his hands. "Why is it you again that would have to know of my curse?" he wailed out.

Like the cool Hokage that she is, Tsunade flipped one of her pigtails to the back of her shoulders.

"Well, because, as I have mentioned before, I KNOW HOW TO READ and I have a vast collection of scrolls containing information about family jutsus traditions, CURSES and such for all the clans that live here in Konoha." she said matter-of-factly.

Frowning slightly, she quirked one eyebrow at Sasuke's answering groan (imagine that, she could crease one of her eyebrow to the center and raise the other one above her forehead).

She wasn't all that bad was she?


	17. A little something about Sakura

A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer; it sings because it has a song.

Author's Notes:

Okay, okay I know I deserve to be SHOT for taking so long to update only to post this one lousy chapter. I am sorry! Truly! The new work is more grueling than I thought then my fiancée has to go and hog the computer. You know, he has been bribing ME with certain pleasurable things, so what can I do? Anyways, this chapter is not posted so because i wanted to establish a naruxsaku rather a it is something that i would need in the story later on

DISCLAIMER:

Do I really have to go through this EVERYTIME? Okay, okay. I shall never ever ever ever own Naruto.

Happy?

Sassyhan  
By Boyarina

Chapter 17: A little something about Sakura

She didn't know the rhyme or the reason, but Tsunade-sama chose HER over Naruto to live with Sasuke-kun and watch over him. It's really weird, strange, unusual and UNBELIEVABLE to be honest. Not that she is doubting her competency in doing this task, but she is a GIRL and Tsunade-sama for some twisted reason wanted her to LIVE with Sasuke-kun, a (if you guys haven't realized it yet) BOY.

What would her parents SAY? More importantly, what would the others think about her a single AVAILABLE girl of marriageable age living ALONE with a single AVAILABLE BOY of marriageable age? Could Tsunade-sama be thinking…..?

The UCHIHA CLAN. The MAKING of the Uchiha Clan.

No, no, no. She shouldn't be like this. There hasn't been any courtship yet! She hasn't even professed her love yet! This isn't right. This isn't happening. She can't go through this. She will live, yes, but what if the unexpected (or shall we say expected?) happened? It'll come not as a surprise to her if their ANIMAL urges get the better of them (or HER).

This last statement, she's going to admit, is most certainly applicable to her.

Face burning, Sakura shook her head violently as she tried to clear her head of these thoughts. She got to get rid of these EVIL, so NOT VIRGINAL, line of thoughts. Had her mother been reading her very mind this instant, she would've certainly taken Sakura by her ear and proceeded on dragging her to her room with a month's worth of grounding to boot.

Sakura knew she has to think and act maturely about this. She should treat the entire situation like a true NINJA would. Though she is a female with very SUPRESSED needs, she will not succumb to temptation. She will not! Sasuke-kun might be irresistible, but she is stronger than that!

….or at least TRY to be stronger than that….  
Sakura took a deep steadying breath. She is here now in one of the Uchiha mansions, all unpacked and cleaning up for Sasuke-kun's arrival. She hadn't really mean to, but she had apparently picked a place that only has ONE bathroom (!) and three bedrooms (darn!), a small cozy dining room, a very LARGE kitchen (?), and a wide expanse of living room, which adjoins a front garden (that badly needs tending).

All in all, this is not exactly the perfect home Sakura would have wanted for herself and for her (future) family. For one, she would definitely make the kitchen marginally SMALLER kitchen. That divider will just have to go—even if she would have to be the one to smash it down. The living room and garden though she would keep. Those grounds will be good for the kids she and Sasuke-kun will eventually have….

Speaking of kids, Sakura honestly doesn't know how long she can last before she would break down and jump Sasuke-kun. It'll probably be a very good idea if she would stick a ten foot pole between her And Sasuke-kun in the next couple of days, least all temptations overcome her self-control.

The blame does not lie fully on her head though. Sasuke-kun is really, truly and undeniably irresistible. No girl in her right mind would be able to actually refuse him (with the very exception of Hinata). He is TOO dark, mysterious, and BEAUTIFUL that nothing would be able to sway her attention once it had been riveted to his direction.

Here she goes again. She better get her head out of the gutter before Sasuke-kun arrives. If she dares to continue being like this, she definitely would end up alienating him. One annoying Naruto would be enough to drive him back to Otokagure; she didn't want to be added as one of the reasons lest he decides to leave once again.

Speaking of getting her head out of the gutter, it probably wasn't such a good idea for her to have brought scented candles. She had been too caught up with her shopping earlier that not only did she stock the pantry with goods that would last for almost a month, but had also deemed it necessary to buy scented candles (which she had placed in almost al the rooms of the mansion), a futon for Sasuke-kun (that is enough to house two persons—a preparation for the event when it is required of him to share his bedding) and a very nice (romantic) looking lamp, which she had placed in the corner of the living room for a nice warming glow during the evening.

Dropping the broom she was using to sweep Sasuke-kun's bedroom, she hurriedly went to the bathroom (their bathroom) at the end of the hall (conveniently placed beside her room, which she had specifically chosen for herself because it is strategically located between the bathroom and Sasuke-kun's room. In this way, once the time had come for her Uchiha to use the bathroom—with only a towel on, she hopes—she would be able to observe him with no trouble.). She examined the candles she had let to stand on top of the board that wa supposed to hold only toiletries (she dumped the toiletries inside the cabinet above the sink, what's the difference anyways?) and considered putting them away together with the flower vase filled with plastic flowers she bought to complete the design.

Oh! Did she, by any chance, forget to mention that she bought vases and plastic flowers too? Silly her. Well, since that the subject of vases and flowers came up, yes, she did buy them and in fact, she had placed them on certain corners of the house for a cheery effect.

Sakura gave the candles and the vase a once over and decided that they are okay where they are. Who knows, Sasuke-kun might even have this REMOTE chance of liking them, and….if he would be so inclined to do so (and if the gardens doesn't have any blooms yet at that time), he might even use them to woo her had he not have the flowers at the time he decided to do it.  
Sakura sighed dreamily, thinking of how Sasuke-kun would go about proposing to her when the door opened and was abruptly shut. Instead of panicking at the arrival of the new comer, Sakura dropped her hands on her hips and frowned malevolently. The fashion by which the door has been opened and shut was so familiar to her, there's only one name that popped up in her head to identify the person who is now walking on the wooden floor of HER living room.

Uzumaki Naruto.

What in Heaven's name is he doing here?

"Saku-chan? Are you in here? I've got Sasuke-teme!" Naruto called, obviously looking for her. From where she is, Sakura groaned, then marched off to the living room so she could personally give Naruto a glare and eventually kick him out of the house. When she got there, however, her frown immediately dissolved to that of concern upon seeing Sasuke-kun slumped over Naruto's shoulder.

She was about to demand an explanation (or in this case what Naruto could have done) when Naruto held up a hand and gave her a serious look.

"Okay, before you go Hulk on me, Saku-chan, I found him like this in the baasan's office. She told me that he just fainted from exhaustion and he would be better off resting in his new accommodations."

Sakura's frown etched itself back on her face upon hearing the nickname she suddenly acquired after watching a movie with Naruto about a doctor that becomes green and monster-like whenever he gets mad. Though she most certainly admit that she had the strength that the doctor in the movie has, she definitely does NOT turn green nor becomes beastly whenever she feels like bashing Naruto's head in.

"You better quickly think of something else to say," she said in the sweetest, honey-laden voice she could muster, "because I MIGHT just go hulk on you Uzumaki."

Naruto winced. "Saku-chan, would it help if I told you that Tsunade-baachan already dropped me from the Hokage tower?"

Sakura shook her head slowly from side to side. Like hulk, her anger would not be easily abated nor would she easily be dissuaded. "Did you deserve it?"

"Getting thrown off the Hokage tower?" he asked, clarifying her question with the slightest hint of fear in his voice. "Uh, slight?"

She began cracking her knuckles. "Not a very good answer, Naru-chan…"

"Wait! Wait!" Naruto hastily cried out, a large sweat-drop dropping on the side of his face. "Would it help if I said Sasuke saw all of it and he was laughing at me all throughout my descent to the ground?"

Sakura shrugged. "The first part might help," she paused here to impart him an intense glare, "but then the second part tells me that you are lying."

Naruto gulped loudly. Resorting to the one thing that he knows she wouldn't be able to resist, he gave her his most pitiful puppy-dog eyes, even accompanied with fake crocodile tears.

At his display of the cutest, most irresistible sapphire eyes ever, Sakura's anger crumbled. This is definitely one of those days she questions herself as to why BLUE has to be her favorite color. It could have been PINK considering that is her hair color, but, no. She would just have to have blue, wouldn't she?

Ugh, why oh why did God created Uzumaki Naruto's eyes blue?

Why?

Sakura closed her eyes. Lifting one hand up, she pointed to the direction where the bedrooms are.

"Just—just bring him there."

"Aren't you going to come with me, Sakura-chan?"

Resignedly, Sakura went to the spot right in front of Naruto and proceeded on leading him to the room that Sasuke-kun is to occupy. With every step that she took, her mood lightened—eager for Naruto to see what she has done to Sasuke-kun's room. Besides, she couldn't really stay mad at that Naruto-baka considering that there are times that he proves himself worthy and (dare she say it?) irreplaceable.

Like now for instance, because of his presence, she would be able to better stop herself from giving in to the temptation of jumping Sasuke-kun while he is unconscious. More so, he had just unwittingly signed himself up as her volunteer worker since it is taking her too long to clean the whole house up.

"I think I can handle it from here," Naruto said right after she slid Sasuke-kun's door open.

See how useful he is?

Sakura stepped aside so Naruto could go in. Leaning against the door panel, she watched as Naruto unrolled the futon she bought for Sasuke-kun. Not bothering to even lay Sasuke-kun down on a corner, he shook and flapped the futon a bit, presenting her with a very nice view of his and Sasuke-kun's ass.

Let's just pause here for a moment and thank Kami for giving both these Konoha boys beautifully and elegantly carved butts.

Sakura sighed pensively as she eyeballed Naruto's ass. She liked his better than Sasuke-kun's since Sasuke-kun's ass is more curvy than muscular. Other than that, Sasuke-kun is perfect all over.

Are you beginning to see now JUST how useful Naruto really is?

Sighing dreamily, Sakura continued with her unwavering surveillance as Naruto peeled Sasuke-kun's shirt off him. Pale skin gleamed against the midday sun, exposing the well-toned muscles of Sasuke-kun's physique. Like a starved desert wanderer, Sakura lapped it all down—not wanting to miss a single moment.

Naruto is not finished giving her a show, however. He peeled off Sasuke-kun's pants off as well (oh Lordy, this is becoming to look like a gay porn show… Wow…) and, as if that isn't enough, he BENT down, giving her a full view of his BE-HIND.

Ohhh…more ass…

Sakura took a huge gulp of the drool that was pooling inside of her mouth when Naruto straightened up and faced her.

"Okay. So, I am done here," Naruto said cheerfully, "See you tomorrow, Saku-chan."

When the blond started to make his way to the door, Sakura snapped out of her Konoha-boys-are-utterly-sexy daze, and scrambled to her feet. She launched herself on Naruto's back and clung to it as he was to step out of the door.

"You are so NOT going to dump all the cleaning duties to me mister!" she screeched into his ear, hoping that by this alone, she'd be able to drive away all his intentions of leaving.

She is not making sense at all today is she? First, she didn't want Naruto to stay because he is a hindrance to her and Sasuke-kun's privacy (not to mention to her evil plan), but now that he is leaving, she is fairly anchoring him in place.

"Sakura-chan!" You are so cruel!" Naruto grumbled, sticking a finger to the ear she recently abused. "Why is it that I don't get included in this 'housing with Sasuke' scheme, but still be obligated to do household chores? Not only are you guys leaving me out, but you are gonna exhaust me trying to pick up after your mess! I'm part of team 7, you know!"

Sakura rolled her eyes, knowing full well that Naruto's dramatics are actually for Tsunade-sama and not for her. Truth to be told, the statement he gave just a few seconds ago is the very same statement he had used to argue with the Hokage. Like the mutinous child that he is, he didn't even care about the fact that she is sitting there on top of his shoulders, petting him on the head to soothe his whining.

"There, there. If you really want to live here, we'll prepare a room for you, k? Never mind what Tsunade-sama said."

Naruto sniffed. "Really?"

"Honto," she affirmed, but with very little conviction. Sakura would have given a sincere smile with her answer, but a major part of her is disintegrating since her plan to molest Sasuke-kun every chance she got has now crumbled into dust.

Standing there on the entrance of the gaping door, half-way in and half-way out, Sakura couldn't help surveying the streets out of habit—too much reconnaissance work could do that to you. Anyways, she had expected the usual by-standers and the smattering of kids playing, but not a certain Nara Shikamaru.

"Why is Shika here, Naruto?" she asked, dismay increasing at the though of more housemates. She managed to give Ino's husband-to-be a nod when he gave her a small wave from the pole he is perched on.

"He is here to report weird incidents regarding Sasuke to baachan," came Naruto's prompt reply. He motioned for her to duck as he moved them back inside the house.

"I thought I was supposed to do that," she protested, frowning as she felt herself being lowered down on the ground. Sitting there on his hunches, Naruto merely grunted at her comment as he nudged her legs off his shoulders.

"Naruto! He is not going to house with us too, is he?" She demanded, scandalized at the mere thought of it. She looked at him and took a large portion of his shirt upfront in her fist when eh didn't fast enough to her liking.

"Well?"

Naruto, amusement dancing in his eyes, placed a hand a top her head and proceed on mussing her hair up,

"No, he's not going to," he reassured her with a wink to boot, "Boy, you sure are possessive, Saku-chan."

Sakura growled—feeling mighty irritated that Naruto once again is trying to play the part of a misplaced older brother that he is.

"Will you stop that?" she said, slapping his hand away. "Let's get to work 'cause I need everything done, including dinner by the time Sasuke-kun wakes up." Using her two hands, she made 'shooing' motions towards where they would have to start working.

"You know, I remember the day when you scared the wits out of a girl who had happened to like me," Naruto began wistfully as he followed her. "You know that just goes to show that you're possessive."

Sakura snorted at his claim. "Ino-chan was the one who scared her, not me."

"Well, you're the one who started it. Ino-chan was the one who sealed the atrocious deed." Naruto grumbled, giving her a playful poke on the shoulder blades. In the blink of an eye, she turned and deftly caught the finger he poked her with. She yanked him unceremoniously by that digit as they neared the broom closet.

"She's a hussy, that's why. If you didn't notice, she keeps on grabbing your butt in public. Plus, Ino-chan saw your hussy slap Shika's butt before, for that alone she deserved to be driven away." She quipped, picking up a broom and handing it to him. "Start with the kitchen. Then look for a room you'd like to stay in and clean it."

Naruto gave her a crisp salute then made a 180 degree turn so he could head to his destination. Sakura was about to do the same but was pulled from her tracks when Naruto suddenly halted on his.

He twisted his upper body and craned his neck towards her direction. "Why do you not like me romantically again, Saku-chan?" he asked quizzically, using a voice that tells her he is merely curious as to what her answer will be.

She shrugged. "Because you're Naruto. That's why."


	18. Me Missing Voice

**Author's Notes:**

Sorry took a little while getting this typed and uploaded. Sorry. Hehehhhe

DISCLAIMER:

I could not get the court to my side and declare me as the rightful owner of Naruto. Ergo, I do not own Naruto.

**Sassychan**

**By Boyarina**

**Chapter 18: Me Missing Voice**

There is no mistaking it. The evil Hokage was the cause of him blacking out. Obviously, it is part of her evil, evil scheme to get him carted off to God-knows-where for he is no longer in the Hokage office and is actually now is a somewhat familiar, though disconcertingly flowery (and dare he say it!) feminine room.

That Godaime is an evil, EVIL person. It is beyond any doubt that she had conned some gullible person to do this for her so she could make his cursed like far more miserable than it already is. She had been EVIL enough to sic Sakura on him—Sakura being the one person whose intent purpose in life is to permanently attach herself to him—therefore, she would be low enough to stoop to this level just in order to punish him from running away to Otokagure.

For the love of God, why are there so many flowers in here? It's giving him the impression they are either trying to stage him a funeral or trying to make him face the inevitable—that he would be a girl and eventually would feel an inescapable attraction to flowers. God forbid that the latter premise actually happens. He would sooner wear a spandex suit than to get googly-eyed over some stupid blooms.

Where is HERE anyway? Though the place is familiar to him (it actually resembles his family dojo, or at least from what he could remember of it), he couldn't be sure as to where in Konoha he could possible be. Basing on what the old bat had mentioned in their meeting, he just might be in the place Sakura have chosen for their living accommodations—which could be anywhere in Konoha really.

Truth to be told, he would never be able to figure out what how that girl thinks. Even when she is saying something out aloud, he could never truly decipher what she actually means. Not that he had actually tried understanding her and the workings of her person; nor did he really want to understand.

"What's the meaning of this?"

Speaking of the devil…

"Naruto, why did you pick a room that's right in front of mine?"

Naruto?1 Sasuke screamed mentally, deeply shaken by the fact that it is not only Sakura's advances that he would have to put up with, but also a certain blond baka's presence.

"Saku-chan! It's not like I am going to peek into your room or something…"

Sasuke gripped his sheets tightly, trying not to bolt out of his futon when he head Naruto's reply. His mind frantic, he thought of the various reasons WHY Naruto would have to pick a room here, of all places, and WHY Sakura—the on person whom he is relying on to do so—had not kicked Naruto out of their house yet.

This is their house and that obaasan had promised him that it is only Sakura that he would have to deal with!

WHY IS NARUTO HERE?

Sasuke's face twitched when he heard something crash against on the door panels—a sure indication that something has been thrown at someone (Naruto, no doubt) but that person has been deft enough to dodge it.

"You stay right there so I could hit you good and proper, you….Kakashi-incarnate!"

Crash!

"Sakura-chan! How can you compare me to that abomination! My mind's pure and innocent!"

Crash!

"Baka! Are you delusional? Your mind is so dirty you would need a dump truck to get all the trash carted off from your brain!"

Crash! Boom!

"Saku-chan! Your diner is burning!"

"Uso!"

"It is! Smoke's coming out of the kitchen!"

The sound of a stampeding herd of elephants resounded against the floorboards as presumably, (though there is really no question about it) Naruto and Sakura made their way to said burning dinner.

"My dinner!" Sakura shrieked.

"Stand back Sakura! I shall prevent us from being all set afire!" This was, of course, unmistakably Naruto.

The gush of water roared off from the direction of the kitchen. Pots, pans, eating utensils clattered noisily in time with the cacophony the flood of water is making. Sakura's outraged yell would have joined in the discord, but it was fortunately ended up in a drowned gurgle.

"Naruto! You are unbelievable!" Sasuke heard Sakura exclaim as soon as the water died down. "How many times do I have to tell you not to use that water jutsu whenever I am within fifty feet of you ?"

Naruto coughed, as though trying to stifle his laughter. "If I remembered correctly, you told me just once. When you were undressing because you got drenched for the first time because of my jutsu." If he had intended to sound rueful, Naruto definitely and spectacularly failed at it.

The picture though of Naruto's chagrined face, coupled with what he said, something inside Sasuke snapped. Alarm bells deactivated in every corner of his brain and a singular message intercepted all his other thoughts. In big, bold and eye-blinding neon colored lettering, the message read:

"Cover Naruto's eyes! Towel for Sakura! Towel for Sakura! Naruto's going to go blind! What's the use of a blind ninja?"

Advocated by this directive, Sasuke flung his bed covers aside (or futon covers for that matter), unmindful of the fact that just minutes ago, he wanted Naruto to be officially thrown out to the streets, but is now ready to save him from inevitable doom. He would have obeyed his brain's tern orders like the good soldier that he is if not for the two bouncing protrusions that suddenly popped our precisely that second. Apparently, he had been far too distracted to notice that night has fallen and it brought with it his accursed transformation.

Time like these (no, he doesn't need a Juicy), Sasuke just have to pause and QUESTION God as to WHY he is cursed to change into a girl, of all things. Come on, he could have been cursed to change into a bunny and that would have served him EXACTLY the same purpose—if not a better way of procreating.

"Excuse me! I was wearing fishnet underneath my clothes that time!" Sakura hollered, making Sasuke start to frantically scramble around to find something that he could wrap around his chest (to cover these pesky boobs), not even wanting to know if Sakura is wearing fishnet THIS time.

Spotting the bandages that are still on his arms and legs (where the hell are his clothes?), Sasuke fumbled his way trying to get them loose. He need to cover his breasts fast because, all things considered, this is an emergency situation! He is very much aware that panicking would get him nowhere, but the though of Sakura disabling Naruto for life is just too UNACCEPTABLE!

Sakura would have to be STOPPED!

"Saku-chan, do I see a little piece of fishnet there….?"

Sasuke squeezed HER eyes shut (yes, officially a female now, with all the rest of male parts gone), mentally bashing Naruto with a rather large hammer. That baka! He is delirious! Couldn't he see how traumatized he is going to be if Sakura gets undressed in front og him for the second time in the same lunar year?

Really! Isn't there a law forbidding Sakura from getting indecent from public! If there is none, she would have to personally see to it that a proposal would be passed to the Hokage regarding this.

Sasuke nearly cut her circulation as she tightened the knot on her chest. She patted her upper torso, making sure that her breasts are completely flattened. Satisfied with her work, she set about roaming her room, intent now on finding some clothes to wear.

Who in the world undressed her earlier!

Locating one kimono, she quickly donned it, and took tow more, tucking them under her arms as she did so. Making short work of the door, she practically flew to the direction where the voices are coming from.

"Yes I am wearing fish—"

Sasuke drowned out the rest of what Sakura is saying and simply barged into the kitchen. She skidded to a halt and without missing a blink, she took a pitcher's stance and threw one of the kimonos at Naruto. It hurtled through the air like a speeding bullet and smacked directly at Naruto's face, much to her satisfaction.

The velocity, the force and the weight of her projectile caused Naruto to stumble back. Not that it mattered to her really for she has other things to see to. Turning to Sakura, she prepared to do the same thing, but one look at Sakura's shining face (shining with malicious delight, no doubt) got her to lower down her arms and back down. Eyes darting to the entrance she came from, Sasuke contemplated on making an abrupt, hasty exit.

As a boy, Sasuke could never understand Sakura, but now, as a girl, she could perfectly (if not painfully) read Sakura as though she is an open book whose Kanji is written in type 32-font size and Gothic Bold font face. There really is no question to it. The pink-haired girl is going to HUG her.

Oh Gods. Save her.

"Sasuke-kun!"

Sasuke knew that Sakura mean that greeting to be a happy one, but to her it sounded more like a war cry. Eyes going wide at the now hurtling through space like there is no such thing as gravity Sakura, Sasuke placed one foot behind her other one in the very intention of executing a perfect about-face. Everything seemed to have slowed down to a crawl as her Sharingan got activated, forcing her to watch in horrifying detail as Sakura nearly brushed against her chest while she was twirling around to make her escape.

She never got farther than lifting her foot to take her leap to freedom for Sakura caught her by the waist (whew!) and began to squeeze her with everything she have got. If not for the multifarious strength training she had undergone through the years of being a shinobi, Sasuke's internal organs would have been fighting their way out of her mouth by now. Picture a hamster though that's being squashed to the inch of its life and you would get the exact duplicated image of what she is looking like right now.

"Sasuke-kun…" Sakura whispered brokenly.

Being on the borderline of asphyxiation would have rendered Sasuke quite incapable of understanding what Sakura had just said, had she not heard it countless of times before. But taking into consideration the wetness seeping through her clothing, there is now way that she could dismiss the fact that the pink-haired kunoichi is sobbing her eyes out. She patted Sakura's hands hoping to both soothe her and tell her (without using any words, mind you) to get her hands off her so she could get some air. When Sakura did not take heed, Sasuke shifted a little (trying to wiggle out of Sakura's grasp really) and started to pat her on the cheek.

"Saku-chan," Naruto said, sauntering to where the two of them are, "I think Sasuke's turning a little blue. Do you really want to kill him before the rest of the crew gets shot at him?"

Sakura thankfully released her strangle hold from her and had even withdrawn a step back, finally giving her some breathing space. With her lungs now freed from whence they had been lodged at the corned of her ribcage, Sasuke drank oxygen in thirstily, appreciating how sweet it is each time she filled her lungs with much needed quantities of it.

"You oughta thank me for that, teme," Naruto drawled out, "I shouldn't even be saving you because of the treatment I have received from you earlier. Remember this?" He shoved the kimono that she had hit him with under her nose.

Sasuke jerked her head away from the offending object, nearly slamming her head against Sakura's face, who, at that time, was standing just inches away behind her. Realizing now that her decision of rushing into Naruto's rescue had put her on a spot where the inevitable confrontation would take, Sasuke back-pedaled into the direction that would take her farthest from Naruto and Sakura. Naturally bewildered by her actions, her two teammates gave her two, identical, befuddled frowns.

"Sasuke-kun, is something wrong?"

Sasuke shook her head zealously from side to side, shuffling through the contents of her brain to find the means for an escape.

"You nearly choked the like out of him Saku-chan, what do you think?" Naruto answered for her, his voice sounding a tad too dry in Sasuke's ears. For a moment there, it's as though Sakura is going to let this remark go without a hitch, but then the blond added a snigger into the mix of what he just said.

Like clockwork, Sakura decided then to get even as she stomped her heel down Naruto's toes. Throwing Naruto a heated glared, she hissed, "You want to get thrown out of the house?"

Naruto's face scrunched up in agony, and it doesn't seem like it is a question as to whether he is dying to howl in pain or not in behalf of his crushed metatarsals. Tears started to course down his cheeks as he repeated bowed profusely, pleading mercy and, all the while, trying to get his foot back from under Sakura's unforgiving heel.

"ah—ah—ah," he hoarsely gasped out until Sakura finally took pity on him and raised her foot up. As if she had done this kind of thing before, Sakura held her hand out for Naruto to grasp onto as a support (which the blond did) and waited patiently until Naruto is done articulating through various facial expressions the stinging pain Sakura had delivered to his poor unsuspecting toes.

"What's wrong Sasuke-kun?" Sasuke asked again, looking for the life of her like there hadn't been any interlude that happened to make them loose track of the main vein of their conversation.

Sasuke took a deep breath. She would have to answer Sakura; she can't keep avoiding all their questions lest a more disastrous event happens. Like Naruto demanding to know who she really is once she gets pissed enough to accidentally yell at him using her sultry, so not Uchiha Sasuke voice. Worse comes to worst, it might even turn out that Naruto would find out in a very embarrassing way that it is not only her voice that had changed, but also a few other body parts as well.

She would have to deepen her voice for now. Who knows? They probably would not even notice.

Sasuke cleared her throat and opened her mouth to speak, but contrary to what she is expecting, nothing came out. She couldn't do it. She doesn't have the guts to even attempt speaking to them in a deep tone.

"I knew it! That Orochimaru did something to your mouth, didn't he?" Naruto said aghast, clapping his hand over his own mouth. Bringing his hand down to his side, he narrowed his eyes at her. "No wonder something didn't sit right with me when I first saw you."

Sasuke could not believe it. She doesn't know hoe Naruto does it, but this dobe somehow manages to come off as a complete idiot and a total genius at the same time in certain occasions.

Right now, for example. Naruto just saved her—he gave her the most perfect solution of all!

"You could not speak at all, could you?" Naruto continued triumphantly, and the one thing that is holding Sasuke back from jumping up and hugging the dobe is the fact that it would ruin what Naruto had unwittingly solved for her.

Trying not to let a smile spread across her face, Sasuke nodded solemnly, showing them, in so many words (well, no words were actually spoken at all) how depressed and disgusted she is about the whole being mute scenario.

Sakura clucked tongue again the roof of her mouth as she went to her sidle by her side, dripping wet and not caring a whole about it, nor to the fact she is getting her wet along in the process.

"Sasuke-kun, you poor thing," she crooned, patting Sasuke's kimono clad back with a drenched hand.

Ah, you poor unsuspecting creature, Haruno Sakura. If you only knew. If you only knew.

"I take it that you didn't like Otokagure that much, huh, teme?" Naruto questioned, wiping himself off with the kimono. "Kabuto's far more annoying than me and Sakura combined, isn't he?"

Beside her, Sakura growled under her breath. Eyes flashing, she had unconsciously stopped patting Sasuke on the back, but had started to POUND her instead.

"Wanna run that by me again, Uzumaki?"

Hearing the menacing tone Sakura had used, Naruto let out a nervous chuckle as his hand went to his nape and scratched a spot there in a sheepish gesture. When Sakura made a step towards him, the blond had half the mind to back up and beseeched Sasuke for help.

Under any circumstances BEFORE would Sasuke actually get Naruto out a skirmish involving him and Sakura. But NOW, with the inevitable round of a more brutal kind of roughhousing (roughhousing take two actually) that the kitsune would be subjected to so Sakura would get her revenge for the second time, Sasuke could hardly control the urge to just pitch Sakura out the window so everything would simply end with that.

It is irrational. It is. No explanation would be valid enough to justify this. None whatsoever. She should not do it; shouldn't even be thinking about doing it. This is foolish—entirely foolish.

"Wanna run that by me again?" Sakura repeated, once clenched fist raised in front of her.

Naruto spluttered." Uh, did I imply that you were annoying? Because you most certainly are---"

Sakura poked him on the chest, effectively shutting him up and making him stumble back. "You did not imply it, Uzumaki." Poke. "You said it," Another poke. "Outright!"

"I did?" Naruto squeaked.

After a glare, a poke and moments later, from the short-tempered Sakura, an ensuing war cry, Sasuke knew that they would be tousling right before her in about two seconds from now. And this, she is quite certain she would not be able to take. All the physical grappling that would definitely happen would only contribute to her blasted need to toss Sakura out and get her out of the picture.

As Sakura lunged forward to deliver her devastating blow at Naruto, Sasuke felt herself move. Even before her consciousness registered what she just did, she saw herself flicker right to the spot between Naruto and Sakura. Her knee rose not to her own volition and she watched in morbid fascination as it hit its mark.

Knee: Hi balls!

Balls: Oh, mother of God!

The kitsune toppled and rolled to the ground in a fetal position, gasping painfully. Sakura shrieked (or squealed? Sasuke could not exactly tell) her reaction in a manner that rendered all the molecules of the air into a frenzied dance. Ear shattering Sakura's voice might have been, that wasn't the really one thing that Sasuke's neurotransmitters are screaming to each other about.

Believe it or not, everything else had faded into the background except for the memory that imprinted itself on Sasuke's brain when her knee cap grazed that cloth covered genitalia. She is remembering all too well that soft scrotum and that very….very…..very…hard…Naruto junior.

To say that Sasuke is thunderstruck is making an understatement. If someone would get a second off their normal routine and take a peek at Inner Sasuke, for sure, you will find her stammering: "T-that…H-holy….S-sweet Jesus….WHY IS THAT COCK HARD?"


	19. When Sakura Finds Out Part 1

**Author's Notes:**

I am living a life of mockery and indignity. But I bear with it and push it to the background because I like a happy life. Drama is for Sharon Cuneta, Meryll Streep, what not what not.

Please do not take humor away from me.

DISCLAIMER:

--holding Naruto and the rest of his trademark items, all the while, looking wildly around similarly to what a deranged man would do---I will own Naruto!

But do not yet though. Nope, I do not own Naruto. Yet.

**Sassychan**

**By Boyarina**

**Chapter 19: When Sakura finds out Part 1**

It took less than a day for Naruto and Sasuke to fall back to their usual routine after that knee-grinding groin incident. Unbelievable. After trying to kill each other ("What did do that for!" –Naruto; In a placard, Sasuke wrote: "I did that for Sakura (swoon)."), they are now back to their jolly bickering selves. They passed jibes back and forth, with Naruto saying his verbally, while Sasuke contributing his in a piece of balled-up paper thrown at Naruto's head or in the placard they have given him, while she, Sakura, is cast aside like an actor the screenwriter forgot to write an act for.

She had got to get back to Uchiha Sasuke's circulation!

Over breakfast, Sakura contemplated her options. She could got to him directly and tell him point blank what she thinks is his purpose of coming back to Konoha or she could play the hapless female so she could lure Sasuke into falling to her trap, or rather to her clutches—no, wait, that doesn't sound right…to lure him into admitting that he really wanted to have a family with her.

Ah…..that sounds so much better…so much like the meek and demure female that she is. Ahem.

"Sakura, would you quit frowning one second and smiling the next and just tell me if you like my muffins?" Naruto demanded a frown on his face, hands akimbo and legs spread wide. If he had been attempting to intimidate her with that manly stance, it unfortunately is ruined by the frilly yellow apron he is wearing.

"Why can't you be more appreciative like Uchiha-teme?" he asked, yet again, nodding at Sasuke-kun who at that time demolished one muffin in the space of a second.

Sakura raised one eyebrow when their dark-haired teammate took another muffin, temporarily stuck it between his teeth, and then bent to down to write something on his placard. After the longest time, he finally raised it.

I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT LIKING IT.

A muscle went taut on Naruto's jaw. Jabbing his spatula at Sasuke's direction, he said in an annoyed voice, "You ate fifteen of them!"

Sasuke merely shrugged at Naruto's angry exclamation. He tore off the paper of his original message and bent down once again to scramble down something new.

I AM FAMISHED, ERGO, EVERYTHING WILL DO FINE. EVEN YOUR COOKING.

Naruto smirked, "Ya just don't want to admit that you really like chocolates and you absolutely love my cooking."

Sasuke sighed and rolled his eyes heavenwards, looking for the life of him like he is imploring the heavens for a dam-full of patience. He looked so much similar to a cute and adorable Hinata-chan during the times she is caught between her overprotective Neji and lust-filled Shino that Sakura almost laughed aloud.

Almost.

She did most certainly did a double-take for she did not—could not—even explain why she compared Sasuke-kun (cool, brooding Sasuke-kun) to meek, tender-hearted Hinata. Brandishing her mental scissors, she quickly unrolled the imaginary reel of her thoughts and cut that most disgruntling idea out.

There, everything back to normal.

"I didn't know you like chocolate muffins so much Sasuke-kun." Sakura asked as she bit into Naruto's chocolate concoction; her eyes followed Sasuke-kun's hand while he is reaching to get (again) another muffin from the center plate.

"Ha!" Naruto crowed, "See? Even Sakura-chan noticed it!"

Normally, that particular kind of Naruto-reply would have floored Sasuke, but today, he just scoffed silently. Devouring the muffin in two quick bites, he got back to his placard and wrote his reply.

A STARVING MAN WOULD EAT ANYTHING.

Naruto's face pinched into a scowl. "Why can't you just admit you like my cooking?" he snapped, roughly jerking at the stings that held the apron to his body. He crumpled it into his fist and summarily cast it viciously on the table.

Sasuke just blinked at Naruto's outburst and raised a ready-made placard.

GOES AGAINST ALL MY PRINCIPLES.

Sakura choked back a laugh, while Naruto, on the other hand, snarled. After giving them an infuriated glower, he stormed out of the kitchen, fuming.

Sakura shifted her beady eyes towards Sasuke who seemed to be struggling to hold a smile that was intent on breaking across his face.

"You liked it, didn't you," she asked slyly. Goading Sasuke to tell her the truth, she held her muffin up to their eye-level and took a mouth-watering bite out of it.

The corners of Sasuke's mouth twitched. He ducked his head and quickly scrambled a new message again on his placard.

SURE DID.

Sakura pounded on her chest when the miniscule pieces of the muffin she just swallowed went down the wrong pipe in time with the bubble of laughter that came out of her. Had she not had better control of her chewed up muffin, it would definitely passed out of her nostrils and got itself splattered on Sasuke's shirt.

She continued to hack and cough in the most undignified fashion until after Sasuke gave her a mighty whack on the back.

"Thanks," she wheezed out, taking a huge gulp of water from her glass. Feeling a tap on her shoulder, she looked over to Sasuke and found him standing up, with his placard held up for her to read.

I AM GOING OUT.

"Would it be all right if the two of us train?" she asked, hopping from her stool to face him. With all seriousness, Sasuke slowly withdrew his placard and contemplated his answer.

WHY NOT YOU AND INO?

Sakura felt nonplussed by his question. She would have understood it if he asked that she train with Naruto instead, but with Ino?

"Ino and I do not train together. Naruto and I do though…." She trailed off wondering why Sasuke's lips suddenly tightened into a grim line. Dismissing it, she continued, "But I would like to see how I would level up with you, Uchiha Sasuke."

Sasuke gave her an appraising stare, indecision written all over his face. After waiting for a full minute for his reply (the last 50 seconds of which, she was gravely considering just dragging Sasuke along with her to the training grounds), Sasuke finally raised his placard.

WHEN YOU SPAR WITH NARUTO, WHAT IS THE USUAL RESULT?

Sakura thought his question funny, if not totally strange (much like the last one), but considering that he hasn't said no yet, she is once again willing to let it go.

"I usually would end up underneath him," she answered truthfully. At this, for some reason, Sasuke's jaw dropped. In rapid-fire succession, he changed the message on his placard and held up a new inquiry.

WHAT?

Sakura frowned. She hasn't an idea where all these questions are leading to, but, it better be good.

Reminding herself that this is Sasuke she is speaking to, she eased the annoyed expression from her face. "I mean that I usually loses and that since Naruto has been completely poisoned by his Sannin-sensei Jiraiya, he most of the time, ties me up and sits on me or flattens me to the ground to ensure my defeat." she replied, now smiling discreetly for she intentionally left out something of vital importance. Sasuke really would not need to know that Naruto always is forced to hold her down and threaten to sic Lee on her until she cried mercy because she never gives up, would he?

NARUTO ALWAYS SITS ON YOU?

Sakura blinked, surprised at the new message before her. After reading it, she almost could have sworn it sounded incredulous instead of being merely curious.

Remembering the compromising positions she would find herself in (mostly under Naruto's masculine length), Sakura felt an unwanted blush creeping up her neck.

"Not always…." she hedged, getting mighty uncomfortable all of a sudden. Thinking that a change of topic is in order, she asked again her original request, "So, would you train with me?"

_Perhaps we could get you to sit on us too!_ Inner Sakura yelled gleefully.

Reading Sasuke's face, Sakura sensed his annoyance at some unknown entity increased a notch higher. Feeling ill at ease that Sasuke heard her Inner Self, she ruthlessly stomped on Inner Sakura to shut her up. Well, all things considered, she doesn't really know if he is irked because he has read her intentions all too clearly or if he became jealous because of her confession, but she could never be too careful.

If indeed Sasuke is jealous, it would actually all add up. For one, why would he have asked for her to seek Ino to train with instead of Naruto? Two, why did his eyebrows clashed alarmingly together at the mention of Naruto sitting on her?

Uchiha Sasuke is jealous, isn't he?

Thrilled at the very thought that the cosmos are finally working in her favor, Sakura couldn't help the small giggle that broke out of her placid countenance. When Sasuke scowled all the more, Sakura clamped her lips together, fearing that more these mini-giggles would escape her control.

COME. LET'S TRAIN.

After carefully scanning and rescanning the message in front of her, Sakura have nearly given out an un-lady-like whoop if not for the instincts of not appearing brash in the presence of Sasuke been deeply ingrained in her. At a loss of what to do now (which is weird), Sakura just sat there dazed, half-gaping in disbelief.

ARE YOU COMING?

Realizing that Sasuke just flashed another message that _insisted_ for her to go together with him—an event that is yet to happen in her lifetime, until now—Sakura flew to her feet and followed his retreating figure.

In her gut, she knew that this is going to be one unforgettable day. She is going to make sure of that.


	20. When Sakura Finds Out Part 2

**Author's Notes: **

I have been talking to myself a lot recently. I don't know if it's because I was so used to what I do in my old job (I was a technical support representative), yakking all day to old people, young people, receiving irate calls, what not, that I just couldn't help but to spontaneously just start talking to myself about something. Yeah, I know what you are thinking: that's not healthy. I think so too! I mean even writing stories do not get it out of my system. Ohhh boyyyy….anyways…hope you like this chapter. I have quite a few surprises in store for you guys. I would like to know your opinion if you would like to have 4 sequels on 'when Sakura finds out' or just 3….tell me k? thanks.

Umm, one more thing, I know I have promised to put this up like three or four days ago…I really had finished it at that time just that I was really not in the mood typing. My fingers hurt from typing all day at my job..so...anyways…

DISCLAIMER:

I ran our of ideas of how to patent Naruto so I called my friends who work on the underground society that fakes this kind of stuff. I gotta tell you, they cost LOTS. Anyways, I do not own Naruto. Now. Maybe later.

**Sassychan **

**By Boyarina**

**Chapter 20: When Sakura finds out part 2**

**(Plus a 'Eureka!' for Shika and The Appearance of the Missing Nin)**

"Your first report Shikamaru?"

He nodded solemnly at the Hokage. He has very serious news that he desperately need to impart to her today.

"It appears like we have an impostor in our midst, Godaime," he said in a voice that could be likened to that of the Grim Reaper announcing a person's imminent death.

Tsunade-sama's eyebrows rose at this. "Are you pertaining to Uchiha?"

"Hai. I have proof that he is not Uchiha Sasuke." He stuck his hand into his vest pocket and pulled out a glossy paper. He flipped the picture and showed the Hokage the image he cleverly captured on film.

Tsunade-sama's brows nearly went past her hairline as she took a closer look at the picture. "He is eating chocolate muffins," she commented dryly, making Shikamaru fidget a little. A moment passed and to his satisfaction, the Hokage's eyes widened in alarm.

There is hope for Konoha after all!

Tsunade-sama snatched the picture from his fingers, and scanned it for the second time; turning it clockwise, then counter-clockwise, as if she could not believe the image before her.

"Sasuke is eating chocolates!" she gasped. Shooting her arms out, she latched onto his vest and yanked him close to her. They are practically nose to nose by now with her breathing down on his, looking like the scaly-underground dragons he read in mythology books.

"Where have you last seen Uchiha?" she demanded, eyes still wide as saucers, fairly frothing in the mouth.

"With Sakura," he rasped, feeling the wind getting knocked out of him for the second time she had yanked him.

"We've got to warn her!" The urgency in her tone had not lessened one bit as she released him, looking at this precisely this instant like a deranged person. Gone was the scary dragon, replaced by this mad persona, she went through her drawers—opening each one and upending its contents on her desk.

"We need to warn Sakura, indeed, Hokage-sama for she is now alone with the Uchiha impostor," he seconded matter-of-factly trying to restore the level of sanity they have started out with.

The disheveled Hokage momentarily stopped in her frenzied search to stare at him. "What! No!" she said vehemently. Then, she paused, appearing to have been taken aback by what she said. In a heartbeat, she slapped the frown back to her face and resumed. "I mean, yes! I—" She halted once again, and scowled all the more. She appeared to be intently re-evaluating her answers.

"Godaime-sama?" he prompted, feeling very perplexed by her reaction.

"We've got to warn Sasuke!" she finally burst out. Suddenly her eyes slid to the side; apparently an object scattered amongst all the other unidentified objects on her table caught her eye. She hastily picked it up, swiped a brown bag under her table ad dropped the object inside it. She shoved the now folder brown bag against his chest.

"Give this to Sasuke," she ordered in clipped-thou-may-not-disobey-me tones.

"How?" Shikamaru frowned. Did she not understand what he reported to her earlier? Uchiha Sasuke is not in the village!

The Hokage glowered at him. "Do you not know who Uchiha Sasuke is, Nara Shikamaru?" Tsunade-sama, the once once again beyond, way beyond scary Hokage snarled.

T-troublesome.

"Go to where Sakura is and if you see a dark-haired, pasty-skinned nin with an Uchiha symbol on the back, give this to that person. Clear?" She narrowed her eyes and bared her teeth at him. "Go now before I make you bald, Nara."

Like any sensible man in his position would do, Nara Shikamaru fled.

88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

Naruto doesn't know who this man from nowhere, appearing like an unwanted zit, is. He claimed to be part of SHIT (Shinobi Health Investigation Team) and is now asking him questions regarding his physical well being and previous 'medical conditions', plus other absurd questions.

"You know," Naruto interjected before the man spouted out another one of his ridiculous questions, "I've never heard of SHIT before."

The man blinked at him and tilted his head in askance. "Are you trying to evade the survey, Uzumaki-san?" He rapped his pen sharply on the clipboard he is holding. "Are you hiding some mysterious disease there?"

"What? No!" Naruto snapped, feeling a little defensive. He waved his hand towards the man's clipboard. "Could we just get this over with?"

The man grunted and gave him a look that said: 'Who do you think is dallying?'

"Anyways," the man said, trying to get back on track, "where you obese as a child?"

Naruto snorted. "Fit as a fiddle since the day I shot out of my mother's womb."

The man glared at him sternly over his clipboard. "This is not a joke, Uzumaki-san."

"I was a little chubby, okay!" Naruto fired back, his face twisting into a grimace.

The man simply ignored his theatrics. Face bland, he continued. "Hmm. Do you have a certain food fetish?"

"Um," Naruto bit his lip and crossed his fingers at his back, "none."

The man clucked his tongue and shook his head a little. "Your nose is getting a little longer Uzumaki-san. Try not to let the tip of that reach the Hokage tower, will you?" Readjusting his grip on his pen, the man went back and started writing again on the clipboard. "Rrrraaammmmeeennn. Are you feeling a little hot nowadays?"

Holding onto his precious nose just to make sure the mean man is merely attempting to scare him, Naruto tried to collect his wits about him and reoriented himself to the rapid change of topics.

"Wait. What?"

The man frowned at him, obviously displeased because he is not listening attentively. "Are you feeling hot under the collar? Getting a collective feeling of body heat in one portion of your body? Neck, face, midsection?"

Returning the favor, the Naruto gave the man one of his trademark glares. "No." he answered in clipped tones.

The man contemplated his answer, appearing as though he doesn't want to believe him.

"Are we done yet?" Naruto asked for the umpteenth time since they have started.

Harrumphing, the man noted something down on his clipboard. "Just about. Are you in a hurry?"

Naruto ground his teeth together, feeling the need to punch this guy's lights out.

"Yes," he answered impatiently.

The man raised one overly stylized eyebrow. "Oh, really? Where?"

Nowhere, thought Naruto. Out aloud he said, "Somewhere important. Could you just ask what it is so we could get on with our lives?"

"Have you…." The man trailed off as he began tapping on the clipboards, vexing Naruto purposely.

Argh!

"Have you…..Hmmmmm….." the man spaced out, then began chewing on the bottom of his pen.

"Would you just spit it out!" Naruto roared. He was just about to wring the man's neck when the SHIT representative gave out an exaggerated sigh and rolled his eyes dramatically.

"You got to control that temper of yours, Uzumaki-san," the man admonished, doing an uncanny imitation of an old lady's 'tut-tut'. Appearing completely immersed with what he had to ask next, he went through the contents of the page he is on his clipboard, and then flipped on to the next one. "Ah! Here it is!"

Finally!

"Have you ever had a hard-on when Sasuke's around?"

Without thinking twice about his answer, Naruto barked out his reply: "Yes!"

Moments later, he heard the reign of the crickets' orchestra as he stared on ahead, completely aghast with what he just said. Unfortunately, realization hit him like a ton of bricks a second too late as the man jotted down his response.

"Okay! That's it!" the man happily exclaimed.

Eyes bulging out, Naruto nearly swallowed his own tongue as he tried to recall the man who, in the blink of the eye, had leapt onto the nearest rooftop and onto the next one, rapidly becoming a disappearing dot in the horizon.

"MAAAATTTTEEEE!" Naruto finally managed to yell out, but to no avail.

That man from nowhere, appearing like an unwanted zit, whose name he had yet to obtain, is gone.

Gone. Bearing with him the secret Naruto had promised to keep ONLY to himself. Oh holy piece of SHIT that man truly is.

88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

The one thing that Sasuke is happy about is the fact that the guy who said "revenge is sweet' is dead. Sasuke hoped that that person's ass is cheerily being roasted by the devil himself because there is not a smidgen of truth whatsoever in the statement "revenge is sweet".

That guys is dead wrong (get it? Dead-Wrong? If not, let's move on, shall we?) Revenge had been EVERYTHING (a big mistake, brutal, mind-muddling, stupid, wretched…) but sweet to Sasuke. There are two undeniable proofs of that.

The first time Sasuke had sought revenge, Sasuke ended up in Orochimaru's clutches, slowly transforming into a female. Sasuke had gone out to get revenge for the Uchiha clan, however, the curse and a set of ovaries is what had caught up with Sasuke instead.

Okay, you must be reeling by the immense usage of the name Sasuke by now. The thing is, Sasuke is not going to refer to Sasuke by the pronoun he, she, or it. Why, you ask? This is simply because this morning, when Sasuke had checked Sasuke's body the appendage that never failed to make the perfunctory announcement of its presence had suddenly gone AWOL. When Sasuke had changed into a female yestereve and up until today, the link—the ONLY link—that had remained that proved his kinship with the male species had vanished and from where things are looking now, it doesn't seem like it's going to make its appearance, ANYMORE. (Goodbye boners! Goodbye hard-ons! Goodbye woods!)

Sasuke is ALL MALE—pectorals, biceps, triceps, you name it—everything had been branded with the XY chromosome on it, except for one vital thing: Sasuke-JR. Or should we say, the now missing in action Sasuke-JR? To tell you the truth, this is far more perplexing, far more hilarious (NOT!) than the time Sasuke had breasts at the same time Sasuke had Sasuke-JR!

Therefore, Sasuke is going to call Sasuke, Sasuke. Is it confusing? Don't worry. You are not the only one. Sasuke is getting confused by all of this too. Once in a while, you might encounter little inserts of Uchiha, this bakayarou, this ahou, this Uchiha-baka, this Sasuke-ahou, or any number of these combinations, but it would just all come down to the fact Sasuke is just simply going to be referred to as Sasuke.

Pronouns, you are OUT!

Ahem. Getting back on track, Sasuke proved to Sasuke once again that revenge is but one dumb person's folly (Sasuke in particular) by agreeing with to spar with Haruno Sakura. How is that? Well, for one, she keeps on breathing into Sasuke's ear (whenever she gets the chance to) what she thought of Sasuke's reason for returning back to Konoha and giving Sasuke hints on how Sasuke would go about accomplishing it.

Preview #1

Sakura flipped into the air, managing to get herself overhead and digging her fingers onto Sasuke's shoulder, to presumably, hurl Sasuke into the next generation (she could try, but we all know Sasuke is to agile for her to accomplish that). While she is air-borne, and as Sasuke danced away from her, Sasuke heard her say, "We all need to have our own family someday, Sasuke-kun."

Preview# 2

"Wouldn't it be nice if you a get a kid of your own," she grunted as she swiped a kunai sneakily from the ground below him, and nearly planted it on Sasuke's shoulder blades, "that would call you daddy?"

Preview#3

As Sakura grabbed a hold of Sasuke's thighs, grabbing them in a position that is far too near to Sasuke's crotch for comfort, in order for her to body-slam Sasuke to the ground, she said, "As part of team 7, we would always be supportive of you. Especially me. I'll always be HERE." Before Sasuke could twist Sasuke's body to get out of her grip, Sasuke had been unfortunate enough to get a dose of Sakura's version of 'seductive eyes.' Not only that, much to Sasuke's horror, her eyes slid down and began on the attempt to bore a hole through the covering of Sasuke's private organ.

Boy, would she be surprised to discover that the thing there is not much different from her own.

Anyways, we could go on all day giving previews of the things Sakura had done to scar Sasuke for life, but the point is, Sasuke had gone out to seek revenge and vent Sasuke's frustration on the fact that Naruto sits on Sakura every time they spar, however, Sasuke ended up being molested instead (and that's saying it mildly). Sakura kept up with her seductive play the whole time: she kept pinning herself to Sasuke's body, her hand always goes dangerously close to Sasuke's private part and lastly, she kept staring DOWN THERE hoping for—I dunno—twitchings of life!

And Sasuke doesn't even remember now why Sasuke wanted to get revenge and vent Sasuke's frustration on the fact that Naruto sits on Sakura during their sparring session in the first place!

Oh Gods, Sasuke is getting a headache for saying the name Sasuke too many times in one single sentence. Not to mention the fact that Sasuke's logic is pounding on Sasuke's brain ever since Sasuke had succumbed into this irrational reason of getting even with Sakura.

As you could very well deduce from the events stated previously, Sasuke's idea of getting something avenged is back firing on Sasuke. Sasuke had initially planned on humiliating Sakura by snipping her clothes of bit by bit, until she would end up trudging home in her underwear. Sasuke thought the plot of this evil scheme had been without holes; even devising it in such away that Sakura would be forced to trudge home alone as Sasuke would make sure that Sasuke would be gone by the time she barely have anything on.

However, there had been one major flaw in Sasuke's plan that Sasuke had not anticipated on. Sakura actually liked the fact that she is slowly being stripped off her garments. She had, apparently, interpreted Sasuke's intentions to be of a kinky nature, (influenced none other than by Kakashi, no doubt) hence, she had deemed to return the favor and bombarded Sasuke with a number of not so (SO NOT!) virginal advances.

More so, Sasuke is beginning to find Sasuke's most hated weapon in Sakura's senbon needles. Not only are the pointed little monsters sneaky, they are actually happily helping Sakura in undressing Sasuke as an unwanted contribution to Sasuke's plan. Sasuke had only been grazed thrice, but the precision by which they cut through the waistband of Sasuke's lower garment made Sasuke redouble the efforts in evading the pesky little devils, lest Sasuke wanted to end up with nothing but Sasuke's boxers on.

"Nara Shikamaru, you imbecile! Didn't I tell you to bring that to Uchiha?" Tsunade-sama's voice roared from a place that is undeniably not too far away from their training ground.

The attack that they were about to deliver to each other came to a screeching halt as Shikamaru's answering yelp rang in their ears.

"B-but...Tsunade-sama, where!"

Bewildered by the sudden intrusion of the uninvited personas, Sakura tilted her head in askance. Not saying a word, she went to Sasuke's side and together they waited for the two to make their appearance in the clearing.

"There's Sasuke!" the Hokage hollered, flecks of spit coming out of her mouth as she shoved the more than frazzled Shikamaru forward so he could get a better look at both Sasuke and Sakura.

"Really! Don't you know who Uchiha is Nara? Who the hell were you watching when I told you to watch Uchiha, huh!" Tsunade-baasan heaved an aggravated sigh. Slapping a package on Shikamaru's chest, she continued, "Anyways, now that we are here; now that I have refreshed your mind who Uchiha is, go and do your job!"

Face scrunched up in an unnamed emotion, Shikamaru twisted his head to where Tsunade-sama is standing and said in a dismayed voice, "Can't you see Sakura's clothes are ripped off, Tsunade-sama? Sasuke would not have done that! Sasuke would have…." His voice suddenly trailed off, which actually worked for the best of Shikamaru, considering that, in Sasuke's opinion, nothing good would have come out of that mouth.

Beside Sasuke, Sakura who had already been standing on her toes waiting for Shikamaru to continue on with what he was saying, perked up even more when Shikamaru snapped his attention back to them.

"Her," Shikamaru breathed out in wonder, not making any sense at all. Not even missing a beat from his mindless blather, he proceeded on asking, "Are you two having a catfight?"

Cat…. Fight….?

After realizing what Shikamaru is getting at, Sasuke did a nearly indiscernible double-take. With eyes wide as saucers, Sasuke stared in outraged shock at the Hokage who could not keep her mouth shut.

The said blabber mouth Hokage crossed her arms and pouted. "I didn't do anything." She tossed out defensively. Sasuke would have endeavored to widen Sasuke's eyes even more, had not an interruption occurred.

Sakura, being the person who doesn't want to be left out of anything, strode to the center. She held her two hands up, palms out.

"Would someone please explain to me what's going on?" She placed her hands o her hips as her eyes zeroed in on Shikamaru. "What do you mean catfight? That's a term for squabbling girls, do you know that?" She paused, her face creasing into an expression that is best described as miffed beyond words. "Don't you dare call Sasuke a girl!"

Shikamaru would have certainly retaliated something to that if the blabber mouth Hokage had not slapped a hand to over almost half of Nara's entire face.

"Oh! Look at the time!" Tsunade-sama (a.k.a the blabber mouth Hokage) announced dismissively. She wrenched the package she had given Shikamaru earlier from his fingers. Then, she marched up to Sasuke (with a curious Sakura marching right behind her), took the precedence of holding Sasuke's out and shoved the package into that awaiting palm.

"It might get bloody and gory soon." She said in this cheerful tone that would have sounded better if she had exclaimed "happy birthday!" or "merry Christmas!" or "happy Halloween!" instead.

Wincing at how wrong her statement sounded, Sasuke glanced down at the package and wondered what could be in it. But then, the moment passed, and with its going, the dawning of what the Hokage said came. Horror replaced Sasuke's wince, which unbelievably brought a wide grin on Tsunade-baasan's lips.

She, the blabber mouth Hokage, would be the only person who would find these kind of situations a good source of entertainment—this Sasuke could guarantee.

The Godaime turned to Sakura who was just about (predictably) to spout an inquiry to these turn of events, and obviously anticipating what the girl would do, she quickly intervened. She dramatically took hold of Sakura's shoulders and in a solemn tone (but not without the obvious smirk), she said, "Sasuke's going to need all your help."

Tsunade-sama patted Sakura on one of her shoulders as Sasuke's teammate blinked at the Godaime in utter clueless-ness, her query lost in the sea of million other things she would have wanted to ask. Tsunade-baasan, being the person who extremely disliked being help responsible for someone's life (or curse, for that matter), had executed a perfect about-face and made her exit before another statement/question arose from Sakura, passing Nara Shikamaru who, for all that he is worth, looks as if he wanted to shout, 'eureka!' for discovering (or if Sasuke's real lucky, just having a faint idea of) the one thing Sasuke preferably had wanted no one to know about.

Times like these, (again, Sasuke doesn't need a Juicy), Sasuke would just have to question where the heck the decision of coming back to Konoha came from. The moment Sasuke stepped foot into this town, trouble never ceased to find its way to Sasuke's door.

Honestly, would this never end?


	21. When Sakura Finds Out Part 3

**Author's Notes:**

To my readers, this has not been posted because….ahhhh….(no, I'm not stalling because I am thinking of a lie….)….there's a really big storm that raged over the Philippines named after some Chinese guy (ChangXane something), if that is indeed Chinese, causing the whole metro's electricity to go down for five days. I still do not have a phone up until now (and consequently no dial up connection) that is why I am uploading this in an internet café. I finished this chapter about a week ago, but as you could see there was no way I could have typed it. (No electricity personal computer being non-operational)

By the way, someone requested for me to make Sakura's discovery of Sasuke into a 4-part thing. So, therefore, here is part three and part four would be up soon. I hope. I will be throwing a few surprises on your way (curve balls, if that's the way you want to see it) just to rile you up, and make you go 'squeeeeee'….

Hmmmm…..that didn't sound exactly the way I had pictured it in my head…..

Anyways, I would like to thank you guys for being so patient. Love me and give me reviews, okay? That way I'd be more inspired to look for ways to get everything uploaded no matter what. Hehehehehe. I'm not being too demanding, am I? But please, read and then review, k? Thanks.

DISCLAIMER:

It's such a beautiful day to ruin with disclaimers and such nonsensical things. But since the court of law does not agree with my view of disclaimers (it being such a trivial thing to give too much importance to, in my humble opinion), I would have to say (just for the sake of saying it, really) that I do not own Naruto.

Hey, do you think anyone would notice if I type the words 'do not' in the phrase 'I do not own Naruto' using the font face 'Wingdings' and with the font size '3'? It's noticeable? –sigh—Hell. Let's leave it like that then.

**Sassychan **

**By Boyarina**

**Chapter 21: When Sakura Finds Out Part 3**

(Run Sasuke! Run!)

Shikamaru has a hunch and the one person that would make or break his theory is if one of the two persons facing him (not right in front of him, mind you, but, rather, several paces away from him) would tell him the truth. If she—if indeed she is a she—would not voluntarily supply him the information he is looking for, he would immediately and most certainly devise a way to extract this information from him, or her, or, ummm ….okay, let us settle that later.

Anyways, if in case it proves to be too difficult to obtain the information NOW (taking in consideration the presence of Sakura), he would, again, devise a way in the NEAR future in order for him to expose him, or her or, rather…. the 'might-be-a-she-Uchiha' (ugh, this is getting too troublesome) and justify the accusation that he would make this very second. Now, now, don't you go thinking that he is getting all excited about this prospect of discovering the truth and proving himself right in all accounts. Please, Nara Shikamaru DOESN'T get excited over anything. The only reason why he is hastening the process of knowing what the real gender of this Uchiha is because it seems like the spell that had ensnared just about any male who comes near her (please let Uchiha be a HER!) is getting to him too.

Truly, he does not want to break up his engagement with Ino due to the fact that he is attracted to a male Sasuke, of all people! Personally, if he turns out to be gay (God forbid! He thought, crossing himself internally) he'd rather choose someone like Chouji. The man's sweet, warm, friendly, plus he knows how to cook. Chouji is his best friend and this Akimichi had never failed to compliment him. If they would ever end up as a couple (not that he is looking forward to this happening in the future), in Shikamaru's humblest opinion, they would not look too shabby together.

Okay, maybe we should get out of the topic 'who is going to be Shikamaru's partner if he turns out to be gay'. This has gone far enough and Shikamaru's getting goose bumps (due to revulsion, mind you) from all the mental images his mind is bringing to his attention relating to what Chouji and him would be doing had they indeed got hitched.

Ewww.

Going back to the topic at hand, he probably should start interrogating Sasuke now considering that the Uchiha seemed intent on making him disappear ion the spot, if his—or her—withering stare is any indication.

"You are a girl." Shikamaru stated, going straight for the kill. He is, and you all well know, addressing Sasuke, but considering that Sakura is a girl and she is on the general direction of where he is looking at, she mistakenly presumed that he is referring to her. Too late now, but what he should probably have done is he should have pointed a finger at Sasuke so there would no misunderstanding as to whom he is addressing.

Way to go, Genius.

Glaring at him, most certainly pissed since she thinks that it appears like it is only now that he noticed she IS a girl, Sakura replied in a frosty tone, "Have I proven myself to be otherwise?"

Shikamaru would have slapped his forehead in frustration. However, since it is not his style to do so, he opted tilting his head upwards and breathing out an open-mouthed sigh, wholly distressed for being read so incorrectly.

"Not you, Sakura. The Uchiha beside you," he grumbled, which made Sakura look at him funny. Taking into account that she doesn't know yet the evidences that backed up the validity of his observation, he would let this one come to pass. Let's just see at who she is going to be looking at strangely once he made her see the factuality of his words.

"Shikamaru, did you bump your head on the way here? Did Tsunade-sama give you a concussion?"

Shikamaru could feel his right eye starting to twitch at Sakura's question. He took a deep breathe to dampen the rise on his blood pressure. He needs to speed things up and get Sasuke to just spit out and admit it before he starts raving like a lunatic and end up ruining his reputation of always remaining cool, calm and unaffected.

Worse, he could end up being like the Hokage.

"Sakura, I did not bump my head, the Hokage did not give me a concussion and," he expelled the breath he was holding in one explosive whoosh and said in a louder voice, "Sasuke is a girl."

If that did not get his message across, he did not know what would.

Sakura, unfortunately, burst out laughing. As she continued to guffaw (slapping her knees even as a sign of uncontrollable mirth), Shikamaru vainly tried to remind himself that this lady is going to be Ino's' bride's woman and therefore would have to be in perfect form (if not entirely alive) by the time their wedding date arrives. For the time being, Shikamaru is going to do his darndest to ignore her until she returns back to a normal person he could converse with.

Shikamaru, having been temporarily divested of someone he is arguing his case with, turned and focused his attention to the silent-as-a-statue Uchiha. The girl's eyes has yet to waver from the unrelenting stare she is giving him (no doubt, still in the process of making him go automatically 'poof' into thin air). The only thing that has changed in her is that she is looking slightly relieved now and has this small smirk playing on her lips.

How dare they mock this genius! His analytical mind had proven itself time and time again and he is going to show them how right he is and how WRONG they are!

Shikamaru locked gazes with Uchiha, narrowing his eyes as he did so. In a challenging tone, he said, "Show us what is in the package."

Just like that he had been able to wipe off the smirk from under that bloody-she-Uchiha nose. Acting similar to the cornered animal Shikamaru had likened Sasuke to be, she clutched the package to her surprisingly flat chest, eyes widening in what he presumed is fright.

Ohohohohohoho. Now, look who is ready to bolt and hide in the nearest crevice she could find?

Shikamaru savored picking up the triumphant smirk Sasuke had abandoned and plastered it on his face. His smirk broadened into a toothless grin when Sakura finally regained control of her faculties and joined in his interrogation.

"What IS in the package Sasuke-kun?" The pink haired kunoichi asked curiously, poking the paper bag.

I BELIVE THAT IS CLASSIFIED INFORMATION, came the curt placard written reply from non-other than Uchiha.

Shikamaru nearly started jumping around excitedly when Sasuke raised the placard containing her answer if Sakura had not treated it normal under these suspicious circumstances. Even though Sakura did not seem puzzled by Sasuke replying to her by the use of a placard, to him this is just one more glaring evidence that Uchiha Sasuke is no longer what she used to be.

Uchiha is a he NO MORE!

Warming up to his theory, Shikamaru confidently nodded to himself.

"If it's so confidential, then why did Tsunade-sama inform Sakura that she is to be involved in this Uchiha?" he declared in this 'I-shan't-be-fooled-! Voice "I would bet that what you have there is a pregnancy kit!"

Dagger-like, that is the best that he could describe Uchiha's eyes are looking like right now. If she is trying to win herself a prize for glaring her enemy down and defeating him (or shutting him up in this case) through this method, Shikamaru would only be too delighted to inform her that she would be gravely disappointed. Why? Well, for one, he is winning in this debate and two, it doesn't seem like he is going to shrivel up soon because of that colder than Nitrogen-Oxide stare.

HAVE YOU BEEN CLEANING YOUR EARS NARA?

One side of Shikamaru's face spasmed in annoyance as he read the insult in Uchiha's placard. He was still trying to formulate something clever to retort to that, unfortunately though, Sasuke writes faster than he could come up with a witty remark.

Wow, for a person who is supposed to have an I.Q. far greater than a normal individual, he sure is lousy with verbal parries. He probably should quit his hobby of watching the clouds pass by and start practicing on clashing tongues with Ino (not the literal kind, you hentais).

WHAT THE HOKAGE IMPLIED WAS THAT IT IS TO MY DISGRESSION IF I WOULD LET SAKURA BE PRIVY TO WHATEVER SHE MEANS.

Shikamaru huffed, knowing full well that what he really wanted to give as a rebuttal may not be voiced out at all, lest it reaches the wrong ears. What he really wanted to say is that the Hokage literally means what she says; ergo whatever she said before had no other meaning to it other than what it literally meant. He had proven this so far in all the times that he had spoken to her, finally deducing that she is really just operating on one single level. In the Godaime, Shikamaru had not found any such junk like the hidden implication of what she truly means; the underneath of the underneath; nothing like the true-meaning-covered-within-the-lie-that-was-being-said-by-the-traitor-who-is-really-a-double-undercover-agent-spying-on-the-enemy.

Whew. That is a truly convoluted way of describing what the Hokage is NOT, but that is his view and his opinion of what his rebuttal should be to what that she-Uchiha thinks the Hokage had said. However, considering that he could not use this, Shikamaru crossed his arms, scuffed his sandaled foot on the ground and generally stalled for time.

He need to skirt this issue and attack Uchiha in a different angle, He scanned her from head to foot, looking for a female anatomy he could grab and shove to Sakura for inspection (never mind the bashing he would most likely receive later on). Unfortunately, there is none that he could detect (which is baffling), but he did spot the placard Sasuke suddenly twirled on her fingers.

Shikamaru's lips curved into a smile and his eyes cleverly traced an invisible dotted line connecting the placard to Uchiha's very female vocal cords.

"Sakura, did Tsunade-sama said that there is something wrong with Uchiha's voice?" he asked slowly, rolling each word leisurely out of his tongue. "Did you have Hinata or Neji take a look at Sasuke's affliction?" He paused, savoring the moment before delivering his killing blow, "Who said that Uchiha could not speak anyway?"

Sakura chuckled, but without the conviction she had in her resounding guffaw before. "Shikamaru, stop it. Sasuke is not a girl." She inclined her head towards Sasuke, perused her for a second, and then shook her head. "It's just not possible."

Shikamaru knew that he is about to break Sakura. She sounded so hesitant and so hollow when she said her last statement that it goaded him to come up with a solution that borders beyond his normal way of thinking.

Or it could possible be his testosterones talking.

"How about we check and see what's underneath that entire shirt and bandages?"

Sasuke stiffened, looking for the life of her like she wanted to have him chopped to smithereens. Sakura appeared to be undecided, torn between the decision of seeing a naked Sasuke (in the hopes that the Uchiha is a male, most likely) and retaining her sense of decency, while he, Shikamaru, promptly closed his mouth as soon as the words came tumbling out.

WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?

Having read Sasuke's placard, Shikamaru correspondingly winced. What is written there and the way it is incredulously phrased out is the exact replica of what his conscience is shouting at him precisely this instant.

"You know, Shika. I think we should do that," Sakura suddenly said, interrupting the tirade of his conscience.

"Eh?" Shikamaru have heard what Sakura had said, but the meaning of her words was lost to him (his brain cells had gotten all muddled because of all the screaming his conscience delivered to them). He blinked dazedly when Sakura did not say anything further, but instead had taken a step towards the Uchiha's direction.

In retaliation, Sasuke took a step back and held her placard up.

SAKURA, THIS IS NOT FUNNY.

That's when everything clicked into place. Spurred on by Sakura's yell of "Catch him, Shika!" he geared into his hunting stance and took after Sasuke who did not hesitate bolting to the opposite the direction where Sakura's coming from.

Truly, with that Nothing-Shall-Be-Spared look on Sakura's face, Shikamaru would have done the same had be been in Sasuke's shoes. Minutes from now, once they have Uchiha in their clutches, they would reveal to the world what she truly is.

88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

Sakura don't like having things thrown at her. She definitely dislikes in particular are paper balls since they remind her too much of the spit balls used to be thrown at her back in the academy. This is one of the reasons why she is not stopping to pick up the hand written protests that Sasuke has in this who scheme of chasing him down and divesting him of all his precious clothing.

Number two most important reason why she is not picking up and pausing to read them is because she is busy chasing him down and contemplating at just what particular clothing should she start stripping him off (who is she kidding? She is going to get rid of those pants first and foremost!). Keeping her eyes on the target, Sakura licked her lips in anticipation of what she would get a peek of inside his boxer shorts. Would it suddenly become hard as a rock as soon as she slides Sasuke's pants down his knees? Would it be as pale as his skin? Would it be the same length as Naruto has? She hoped so! Naruto is by no means HUGE and LENGTHY!

Ahem. A little piece of insert here, if you please. For the record, Sakura had not come face to face yet with Naruto's member, junior, handle, or whatever you may want to call it. She had come by this knowledge because she had seen it in a picture that Naruto's previous girlfriend had taken during the time he was out cold and naked. She had posed a twelve inch dildo beside his dick when she had captured it on film, thus giving Sakura the idea just how long Naruto is. Believe it or not, that dick had nearly been the size, and had certainly been the width of that dildo Naruto's girlfriend compared it with! It was so awesome; she had been struck dumb when she saw it.

…moving forward (and away) from these green thoughts….

Shikamaru's a real gal pal for coming up with such a marvelous idea of getting Sasuke naked. Despite his weird notion of Sasuke being a girl (hah! Right!), he is the first guy amongst the male that she has known to propose having his fellow guy friend to be stripped down to his bare ass. Second to Naruto who had given her a preview of what is going to happen now (insert a picture here of the time Naruto brought Sasuke to their home and readied Sasuke for bed), Shikamaru is officially her model shinobi ever!

…again, moving further along (and most definitely away) from these perverted thoughts (damn you Kakashi-sensei!)…..

Sakura picked her speed up, veering off to the direction that Shikamaru had signaled her to go off to. It appears like Sasuke is going to hie himself off to the men's public baths. They would need to stop him now from his progress lest they want to end up with just only man doing the hunt and the take down. She is not, by any means, going to go and barge inside the men's public baths. It maybe true that Sakura is eager to see what Sasuke has got, but she is quite opposed to seeing other men's anatomy.

Just to set the record straight, she would like to have you know that Haruno Sakura only have eyes for the man she dearly wanted to hump. She would rather not be brained with the various not-so-glorious-if-not-downright-ugly variations of the male body found in other not-so-glorious-if-not-downright-ugly male species, which she would undoubtedly be given a presentation of inside the men's bathing place.

Though Sakura had been a medic-nin for quite sometime now, and had been subjected to situations she is required to heal a barely clothed shinobi, she really had not been placed in a scenario where she would have to heal a completely naked male ninja. She had always been lucky because there would always be that piece of clothing covering their manhood to protect their decency (thank God for small favors). Her illusion that all male penises are nice to look at (basing on the picture she had mentally stored of Naruto's member) has yet to be shattered.

Again, just setting the record straight, people please, let's get it out of our system--if you truly are entertaining such thoughts--the idea of her crushing on Naruto's handle. Yes, she is aware that she had mentioned the thing twice already, while in the act of chasing Sasuke-kun, but that's just because she is doing a comparative analysis on the scenarios she had mentioned.

ANYWAYS, back to the fact that she is chasing Sasuke down. There are two things that she could think of in order for her to accomplish this feat. The first one is to find a way and manage getting ahead of him so she could flash him her boobies. The second is to rain the surrounding area they are chasing him in with shadows so Shikamaru could perform his radically improved shadow bind jutsu on Sasuke, and consequently strap him down so they could get his clothes off.

If you haven't figured it out yet, the first solution she proposed is actually a joke. And, yes, she is just coming in terms to the fact that it is not the least bit amusing. But! If she does manage to pull off flashing Sasuke her rack (Where are all these perverted thoughts coming from?), Sakura is hoping that he would be so captivated by her wonderfully rounded assets, he would simply stay stock still (drooling and gaping) while she and Shikamaru check out his assets.

On the other hand, all joking aside, solution number two actually is a valid solution. Considering that Shikamaru had long unlocked the secret of stepping out of his shadow and leaving it connected to a source, filling the place up with crisscrossed shadows; shadows that would be created through the use of her needles and ninja wires; she would be able to create the perfect environment for Shikamaru to trap Sasuke, with the additional incentive of having the both of them free to wrestle Sasuke out of his garments.

Truly, with all that bandages wrapped around him, she would need all the help she could get.

Sasuke is about 10 meters way from his chosen sanctuary. Sakura would need to stop slacking off and prepare the net now if they truly want to achieve capturing him. With this in mind, Sakura quickly and expertly laced the ends of her ninja wires through a pair of senbon needles, simultaneously letting them fly in the opposite directions. She did this a couple of times until she had formed shadows of intercepting lines overhead. Then, she left one of her senbon needles, tied by a wire at each ends, pair in her hands, intending to give on end of the pair to Shikamaru and the other end she would embed to one of the tree supporting her shadow net trap once Sasuke is underneath its canopy.

The trick to why she has to do this is to connect Shikamaru's jutsu to her trap. You see, the one-line shadow would be traced via the senbon needle she is planning to give Shika to her trap since she would be attaching the other end to the lines of interlacing shadows she created. This line shadow would in turn be used as a source for Shika's stand alone shadow jutsu so he could then step away to help Sakura strip Sasuke.

Though technically, the one-line shadow is not needed considering that Shikamaru could stretch his own shadow to connect itself to the trap, the main purpose of this is for Shika to leave his shadow attached to the source connected to the trap and then step away so he could do whatever he wish to do. Like Peter Pan, Shikamaru would detach his shadow from himself and leave it to bind Sasuke.

Before any of these could take place, however, Sasuke would have to be set-up first so he would take refuge underneath her trap. There is still quite a number of senbon needles on her, which could get this one minor detail covered.

With her determination plied into the mightiest alloy found on earth, Sakura enforced her chakra into her army of senbon needles, sending them shooting into the ground and racing to the entrance of Sasuke's sanctuary. One by one, she had them hurtle out of the ground, merely an inch or two away from Sasuke so he would be forced to retreat and go to where she had intended him to go.

Her attacks had been successful for the first four times, but Sasuke eventually came up with a way to parry them. He produced four foot long snakes—rattlesnakes, in fact—through a summoning jutsu, and performing another seal, had commanded the snakes to create a sound barrier. The said barrier is created through a loud thrumming vibration (courtesy of the rattlesnakes) which had pooled around his feet, effectively breaking her needles into a thousand minuscule bits as soon as they came in contact with the it.

Sakura recalled the remaining members of her needle army to try another tactic since they are senselessly being annihilated one by one. Taking in consideration that surprise attack from under the ground doesn't work, Sakura opted to make a boomerang out of her needles and attack from above and on the sides. The only problem with this is that the shaping of the needle into a boomerang takes a few seconds too long for it to be immediately used to incite Sasuke to take the path to her trap. She would have to launch some of needles as is and risk losing them for the time being to occupy Sasuke and prevent his escape. Shikamaru had better get something going to buy her sometime or better yet get Sasuke to the trap.

Speaking of Shika, where is he?

Sakura made a quick scan of the battle grounds and found Shikamaru standing on top of the front gate of the men's public bath. A slow smile curved itself on Sakura's lips when she saw that he had taken the liberty of taking four ends of her senbon needle pair from the shadow net trap and crisscrossed their attached wires overhead of Sasuke. He had stabbed the needles on the wooden planks of the gate, no doubt to free his hand to execute the seal for his jutsu.

Following her line of vision with something akin to horror in his eyes, Sasuke watched in helpless fascination as Shikamaru executed the last of the hand seals for the jutsu.

Sasuke-kun is trapped and would be spectacularly stripped, not to mention groped!

Sakura would have cackled, but due to time constraints (Shikamaru could only retain this jutsu for the maximum time of 20 minutes), she left that devilish deed to be savored by Inner Sakura. Eager to know what her prize is, Sakura shared a nod with Shikamaru and as one, they methodically sauntered to their victim.

"We should probably check what's inside the paper bag, Sakura," Shikamaru suggested as he prepared to pat Sasuke down to search for his item in mind. Sakura naturally thought that this is just a complete waste of time. Impatience and excitement to get what she came here for made her extend her arm out to impede Shikamaru's progress, saying:

"It'll be quicker if we just get him out of his clothes. You get his top off and check if he has breast—that is if he has those," she snorted, "I'll check his bottom part and see if everything there is in place."

For a whole minute, Shikamaru stared at her strangely (once again wasting far more of their time) then frowned in obvious disagreement of her idea.

"I think it is better if we check what's inside the paper bag first. Since if it is a girl item, then the only thing that we have to do is check if she has breasts to confirm it." He paused here to switch expressions, going from deep frown look to strange look and back to a deeper frown look again. "And wouldn't it be far less embarrassing if you check is Sasuke has boobs or not?"

Sakura's hands automatically went to her hips. What in the world is Shika's problem and why he is contradicting her?

Thinking of a clever way to counter his question, Sakura snapped her fingers and leered at him. "I check his boobs—if he has those, and you check his penis if he has one? Are you gay Shika?"

Disgust quickly etched itself on Shikamaru's face. "Troublesome woman, did I ever mentioned that we would even check if she has a penis? She's a girls for heaven's sake!"

"Well, what if Sasuke turns out to be the type of girl with a very flat chest?" she argued, "We should check for the presence of the correct genitalia. Besides, why are you backing out now? You're the one who suggested this."

Sakura crossed her arms and watched triumphantly as Shikamaru finally conceded. He pinched the bridge of his nose, closed his eyes and exhaled a little too loudly for comfort.

"Yare, yare. I'll check the bag and you check the rest."

Together with Inner Sakura, Sakura squealed in delight. She doesn't care how resigned and reluctant Shikamaru is with his decision. So long as she gets what she wanted, nothing really matters. In fact, even with the combined effect of a glaring 'I-would-bite-you-if-you-come-a-millimeter-closer Sasuke, Sakura would proceed sans qualms and indecisions.

Mouthing a not so sincere "I'm sorry", Sakura went down on her knees and poised her hands to unzip those precious pants.

Here goes nothing! Inner Sakura yelled.

Unbeknownst to this subconscious, and to this equally unsuspecting kunoichi, this very statement—that this NOTHING—is the very detail they are about to uncover seconds from now.

Sometimes, it's just tough being Sakura, don't you agree?

88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

Transcend. I need comments, reviews, suggestions, or at least, just a mere hello…anything….please…I'm begging you…. Anything…


	22. Naruto Arrives and Sasuke Escapes

Author's Notes:

I greatly respect staircases now. That very day I slipped, twisted my ankle and got bed-ridden with nothing to do, I had taken care coming up and coming down all staircases. Actually, I look stupid now every time I make my way down a steep one, because I always hang on to dear life to the hand rail just to be certain that I would not suddenly start falling out of the blue.

Yes, I am a geek and I am scared of staircases.

DISCLAIMER:

I do not own Naruto.

**Sassychan**

**By Boyarina**

**Chapter 22: Naruto Arrives and Sasuke Escapes**

Naruto naturally enjoys watching his fellow ninjas spar and beat each other half to death in the effort to show one another which one really deserves the title "I am an ass kicking Konoha nin." In fact, he couldn't count the number of time he sat back and appreciated such a calming scene. Those bone crushing punches, those min-numbing kicks, those razor sharp kunais, and shurikens whizzing around like the kid who had been chosen to play 'it' in a game of tag—ahh, there is really nothing in Konoha that would have brought him this much relaxation other than the sight of ninjas in training.

….wellll, maybe a bowl or two of ramen, but that's just a matter of opinion and whole different point entirely.

So, anyway, this is exactly what Naruto had been doing. Equipped with his collapsible lounge chair, a glass of lemonade in one hand, a stick of dango on the other, he is leisurely lounging around and cheerily observing (or at least trying to convince himself of that) the fight scene between Sasuke, Sakura, and Shikamaru. Earlier, he had decided to forget about that disturbing fiasco with that SHIT representative (honest to God though, he is going to beat the crap out of that guy once he finds out where he is) and look for Sasuke to see if that SHIT-head is bothering him too; only to find this rather glorious event.

Which is turning out not too gloriously for Sasuke.

Naruto smirked (trying to fight the impulse to help that Sasuke-teme, really) as he saw Sasuke got himself stupidly caught in Nara's shadow jutsu. Sheesh. Wasn't Sasuke supposedly faster than that? He had been moving so sluggishly during the entire chase, Naruto is having a hard time sitting still and keeping himself from jumping and yelling something to snap Sasuke out of whatever funk he is in.

Truth to be told, because of Sasuke's stupidity, Naruto had not entirely enjoyed the fight scene at all. He had been twitching far too much in worry to say that he had been serenely and calmly cackling with undignified glee at the unbelievably moronic mistakes each fighter makes.

It's very weird actually. When Sasuke nearly slipped on that banana peel or when he almost failed to make note of the bog behind him or when he imitated Keanu Reeves in the movie The Matrix as he bent himself backwards in the effort to dodge Sakura's needles, Naruto did not, not even once, let out a snigger. He did, however, kept nibbling at the insides of his cheek in anxious anticipation of what is going to happen next. He constantly flinched at the times Sasuke stumbled due to a blow he was not able to neutralize. Seeing too much of this abuse already, Naruto started gripping his glass very tightly by the time Shikamaru and Sakura caught Sasuke in their snare.

No, Naruto definitely is not finding these stupid mistakes funny and definitely had not been watching anybody else other than Sasuke. Kinda unsettling, ain't it? This is not all of it too. Just this second, he realized that he actually teleported right on top of Sakura (he is currently sitting on her back right now, with her sprawled on the ground, eagle style) and sent Shikamaru flying into outer space all because he saw the shadow master's hand sticking inside Sasuke's shirt and Sakura in the verge of pulling Sasuke's pants down on to his knees.

Honestly, he would have to say that if they are trying to have an orgy, it greatly irked him to know that 1) he was not invited and 2) that Shikamaru is there and not him. But for the record, Naruto would rather have everyone remember that he is doing this since he is strictly following the moral code of decency.

Just scratch the times he wanted to see Sakura naked.

"Saku-chan?" he asked sweetly the figure lying below him," Why are you unzipping teme's pants?"

With a great effort, Sakura unstuck her planted-like-a-seed-head from the parched earth (seems like he had landed on her too hard, hehehehe) and craned her neck towards him without much success.

"I'm gonna tell you the hows, the whys, the whats and the whens," she gasped as she struggled to let the rest of her body from the neck down to follow the course of her head—twisting in the vain effort to both dislodge him and face him fully. "Right after I am done smacking you around like the racquet ball you ought to have been in the first place!"

"Ah, your words cut deep into the heart of me, Sakura," he bantered playfully as he effortlessly countered all of Sakura's moves to unseat him. Sakura may have monstrous strength, but considering that at the time being she is nothing more than road kill (flattened by Uzumaki Naruto's whomping ass), she won't be able to do much. He is bigger, stronger, and no female would be able to best him in the fight for dominance. He is the all time powerful, demonic Kyuubi vessel! Nothing could touch him for the force had always been with him!

…now, if only Sakura could understand later on his explanation that the things that goaded him to stay seated on her--despite her warning-- are Kyuubi's taunts about him being constantly whipped by Sakura's bidding and watching too much Star Wars re-runs (he has both the original flick and the anime version, neat eh?)

Naruto would have beamed proudly at the thought of his most beloved movie collection but the almost hellish grunt and growls coming from below him easily transformed his grin into this "I-am-so-screwed" grimace.

"I'm telling you now Uzumaki, if you don't get the freaking off me, I'd make you feel so sorry you had been born with a butt to sit on."  
Things are rather turning out well for Naruto. Sakura is getting breathless from the sounds of it and drastically is getting tired as her heaves are becoming more and more like involuntary muscle spasms. Yes, this Uzumaki couldn't be more happier for Sakura would no longer have the strength to deck him (much less escape) and that he could now fully lay his attention to Sasuke-trapped-like-a-fly-Uchiha.

"Teme, you are one lousy fighter. Why the hell did you get caught?"

Considering he is all tied up, Sasuke could naught but glare at him. He could not retort. He could not infuriate him with his infuriating placard messages. Naruto could stage a party right now and make teme the donkey for the 'pin-the-tail' game. Sasuke, being mute and all, would not be able to say a thing about it. It is a marvelous idea. Hilariously funny! Stupendously brilliant!

But, Naruto, even if given the means to execute this, would not and could not do it. Not until he gets some answers. To be completely honest, Naruto is seething at having witnessed one of his fellow shinobi harassing one of his closest friend and teammate. The gall of that Nara! He better have some good explanation prepared for groping teme.

Or else!

"Naruto are you truly trying to flatten me?" Sakura wheezed out, something that he really is not grateful for noticing. She had ceased moving, succumbing to defeat and looking awfully woe begotten. One would think she had already given up, but Naruto knows better.

Sakura is a sly she-devil. She knows what she wants and knows how to get it.

"Isn't it that you always want to be paper thin, Saku-chan?" Naruto smirked, grounding his butt unto the surface of Sakura's back all the more, causing Sakura to begin thrashing anew.

"N-naruto you are so going to die—ah!" Sakura squawked. "You're killing me!"

He rolled his eyes. "I seriously doubt I could accomplish that." He stopped squishing her for a second and looked down to check the damage he had had wrought.

"You don't look like you're dying to me." He observed her casually, trying to forget for the time being Sasuke's presence and equally pitiful plight. Trying, but not doing a very good job at it.

(Getting stupidly caught teme! Gonna get himself groped, is he?-!)

Sakura's murderous intent increased ten-fold, becoming tangible enough Naruto swore he could touch it. Though she stilled from pummeling the ground (Jesus, look at those potholes), Naruto took it as a bad sign and prepared himself as if a barrage of attack are coming his way.

She twisted her head again to his direction. Despite the fact that the first time she tried to do that was in vain, she still persisted on the task, making Naruto have a momentary flashback on one scene he so vividly remembered from the movie Emily Rose.

It was that particular shot when Emily twisted her head all the way to the back of her that is superimposing on Sakura's head and body right now.

Much to his relief, she yelled, shattering the horrifying image from his head.

"Your humongous ass from Jupiter is gonna be the death of me if you don't geroff me!"

Naruto scowled. "I don't have a large ass. It's well DE-VE-loped." He grumbled and sent a silent complaint to the Heavens for cursing him with a chubby childhood. Heck, that first impression just won't leave everybody, would it?

"Seriously! I could not breathe here, Uzumaki! Get the hell off me!"

"Answer me. What in the world are you doing to Sasuke?"

Sakura became slack-jawed. "What's getting you so upset?"

Naruto deemed not to answer right then for the fear of saying something that might be interpreted at a whole different perspective. He clenched in his molars tightly instead, hearing them scrape so soundly he wondered if some of the enamel actually wore off.

She is asking what is getting him upset? Is that even a valid question? Everything is getting him upset!

"Naruto!"

Naruto felt his anger flare up even more upon hearing Shikamaru's voice.

The gall of this Nara to come back here and sound outraged. This Nara is just pushing the bar TOO HIGH and Naruto's pretty much reaching the brim of his P-A-T-I-I-E-N-C-E.

(Yes, he could spell!)

As if he hadn't done enough damage by pinning Sasuke down with his shadow jutsu, by the time Shikamaru reached the crime scene, he actually placed himself a little to near Sasuke. Had by any chance Shika dared to stand in front of Sasuke and continued with what he is doing earlier instead of confronting Naruto, this Uzumaki would have only been too happy to DECK him. But since Shikamaru faced him like an honorable man (a very mad honorable man), Naruto would be willing enough to let him talk for, say, a few seconds.

Face all screwed up, Shika began snarling. "Okay, first off, you may NOT—though I am going to trouble myself stressing it, I am still stressing it –MAY NOT blow me off again with that troublesome wind jutsu of yours EVER again." Shikamaru composed himself for a bit, then continued, "Secondly, Sasuke's a girl and you seriously need to get off Sakura." He huffed and crossed his arms, still looking as pissed as Naruto is.

For the record, as far as Naruto is concerned, Shikamaru does not have the right to be furious. In fact, if Shika thinks that Naruto would acknowledge and act accordingly to what he is demanding that he do, he would be dead wrong.

He is SO gonna blow every shinobi far, far into oblivion that they would really and be truly LUCKY to find their way back if they so much as try this atrocious act A-GAIN.

"Shika, are you gay?" Naruto asked, injecting 18 molars of Patronizing Tone in his voice.

Shikamaru completely blanked out there for a second, almost looking like Naruto had delivered him a gut wrenching punch. Then, with the side effects of being flummoxed creeping in, Shika burst out, "Why is every body asking me if I'm gay? Does a guy getting married to a girl not count as a sign of being straight anymore? I am NOT gay!"

"Why the hell are you groping teme, then?" Naruto thundered, with his fists clenched tightly. "Guys groping guys—"

Sakura interrupted him with a loud: "Enough!" Naruto would have countered that with another butt squishing action, but she slapped the ground with the palm of her hand hard to enough to cause a mini-earthquake and proceeded on launching into a long-winded tirade.

"Naruto, what in the world are you getting mad about? You're not the one being molested!" She stopped herself, and frowned "Not that we are molesting anyone—no, no, we are just checking to see if Shika's theory is right. Not that I believe Sasuke-kun is a girl and all, but you know, it never really hurts to have a look-see." She took a deep breath and struggled to inhale for the continuation of her prattle, "Shika is going to see what's inside of Sasuke's package while I check if everything else is in order. Inside the pants…you know what I mean? That said and done, God! Naruto, you really ought to get the hell off me! Now!"

Naruto is going to let Sakura's last statement go right over his head with not even the slightest bit of recognition. Nothing in him would be pacified until this whole thing is better explained to him so he would understand why in tarnation they came up with such a lewd solution.

"Let me see if I got you correctly." He said, directing his gaze to Shikamaru. "You think Sasuke is a girl and, " His voice rose, "you would still go and check her 'package'?-! Are you fucking kidding me dude?"

Incredulous, and beyond that is exactly what he is right now. If Shikamaru had not been one of his closest friends he would have definitely think that killing is way too good for him.

Instead of giving him a reply, Shikamaru's hand went up to his face and closed in on the bridge of his nose, massaging it in what Naruto thinks is Shika's way of saying how despicable and troublesome this is all turning out to be for him. Personally, Naruto couldn't care a horseshit ass if he pops a vessel and keels over due to aneurysm.

"Seriously, Shika," Naruto snarled. "If you think someone's a girl, you just don't go checking her 'package'. Of all the—"

"Hey!" Shikamaru barked, interrupting Naruto in a rare display of dimwittedness. Really, Shikamaru should have known better than to grate further into his nerves at the height his anger has reached. Shikamaru is just asking for the smacking of his lifetime, isn't he?

Not heeding the fact that Naruto has already narrowed his eyes in warning, Shikamaru plowed on. "I am going to literally check a package Tsunade-sama had given Uchiha. What in the world did you think I was going to peek into?"

Naruto quickly bit his tongue as the statement "Sasuke's rack" crossed his mind. He ogled at the thought of THE Uchiha having, whoa, breasts; realizing just now the full impact of the consequences resulting from this sick, sick twist of fate.

It's like he is being mocked or something.

A girl Sasuke? Where in the world did Shika came up with this idea? This is just so… unthinkable. Well, grudgingly, perhaps, a little bit fascinating. Kinda makes you wonder how a girl Sasuke would look like, act like, sound like. Would she be Sakura-ish? Ino-ish? Hinata-ish? Hmmmm, come to think of it, Sasuke's mostly quiet, cold be a bit sarcastic, could hit almost like Tsunade-baba, could crack a dry humor from time to time—the perfect gi—

Dear Lord, was he really going to finish that? Sasuke is not a girl!

"Uzumaki! Would you PLEASE quit ignoring me and Let. Me. Up!"

Naruto held one finger up to Shikamaru as he focused back on Sakura who deemed it once again her turn to yap during his momentary lapse. Curses! He doesn't know Sakura managed to wail in a rather strong and voluminous voice her complaint. He could have sworn he had redoubled his efforts in sitting on her heavily! Really! Had it been anyone, they would have been fighting for every breath and would not have that much air in their lungs left to choke, much less speak.

"Sasuke had gotten away!" Sakura continued, exclaiming in utmost misery, which is entirely unbelievable feat. How can this girl proceed on loudly lamenting her plight—

Hold that thought for a second.

"Now, why would Sasu…." Naruto trailed off as he turned to the direction where Sasuke was just mere minutes ago. He scratched his head upon finding only Shikamaru there, crouching, head down and staring intently on the ground. Shikamaru's shadow justsu must have worn off and they haven't noticed it happening until it's too late. Still, Sasuke should not have upped and left them high and dry.

"Was Sasuke bleeding that hard?" Shikamaru asked worriedly, "There seems to quite a puddle here."


	23. Where Sakura DID NOT find out

Author's Notes:

Hmmm… I know this is another disappointing chapter…I just can't figure what to do with Sakura, you know. I think my brain is finally short circuiting.

Reviews are going to be very much appreciated. If it helps, I always make a print out of all the comments of my reviewers and put them up in frames, with your name in bold and everything. Hehehehe.

DISCLAIMER:

I do not own Naruto.

**Sassychan  
By Boyarina  
**

**Chapter 23: Where Sakura DID NOT find out**

Sasuke has a couple of problems, She personally thinks that hey are kinda major, but it is really is just a matter of opinion, isn't it?

If, to you, being hounded like a hog ready to be served for a feast is such a tiny and inconsequential thing compared to lack of world peace and the abundance of world hunger, well, Sasuke would not entirely blame you. But, if to you, suddenly waking up without your hose happily sticking out for its perfunctory morning hard-on, having some genius figure out you are not the same gender as before, with breasts making an impromptu appearance after you got caught by your chasers, narrowly escaping and, on top of everything else, having blood to gush out of you like your red blood cells are having a field day reproducing themselves and rushing out to see THE world is not something to be overly concerned about, Sasuke would have to suggest that you go and think about flying to the next planet or she would go there and personally make that happen for you.

Got that?

Sasuke, as you might have already gotten a clear picture of already, is striving to get to a shelter and is trying to be inconspicuous about it at the same time. It's hard; it truly is. Having breast and dripping blood all over the place (is this what menstruating really like? Is there a faucet somewhere inside the girls' body that is spouting all these blood out? Don't they keel over and die due to blood loss? Does her body honestly think it would be able to keep this up for 5 days? Wouldn't she need a transfusion by then? How in the world would a normal napkin stop her from leaking out? Would there be a bloody cork that could help her out? Is there any way to stopper these gobsmacking questions?) kind of blows your cover.

Sasuke is not entirely given to hemming and to hawing (No one has given you permission to contradict this, so shut it), but due to these relatively abnormal and frustrating circumstances, this could not be helped. Don't worry, Sasuke is not going to bore you to tears as her way of complaining is very structured and does not just randomly start at one given point in time, because, to her, that is wasting breath and time and the complainer tends to go back at a certain topic that had been covered before. Familiar with the phrase: "And did I already mentioned that…" when in fact the speaker already divulged that 2 seconds ago?

And no. Sasuke does not do this enough times to actually come up with a way of structuring her rantings. She is just organized, that is all. Unlike some people.

Anyways, let us start this agenda with a loud and thunderous: HOLY MOTHER OF GOD THIS FUCKING HURTS!

Ohhhhhh. This holy piece of shit crapped by the dung beetle from hell. Ohhhhhh… when would the torture never end? This just bites! It feels like her lower abdomen together with the organs that are underneath it are going to fall off. If it hadn't been a proven fact that organs do not have limbs of their own, Sasuke would have readily believed that they are desperately churning themselves inside out or tearing themselves off from the inner lining of her body.

Is this how delivering a baby is like? Why did she even think that? Oh, for the love of God! Banish that thought Uchiha, banish it! We are not gonna even go there! Do you not suppose that this is bad enough as it is? Or are you just getting a kick out of dissecting the Horrors of Life?

Please spare thyself.

It's mortifying enough that she got caught in Shikamaru's trap! Honestly! She can't be this slow! Even burdened with a thousand and one wounds before would she never have faltered. Not even a gaping wound at any given point in her body would have slackened her greatly.

There is seriously something wrong with this girl's body. Where in hell could she exchange this stupid form with a masculine one? There has just got to be a returns/exchange department for this kind of thing! Doesn't she get to have that much courtesy? She could care less if could only get a girl form with a flat chest, virtually straight as a flag pole in exchange! So long as it is not this big-boobed, clumsified version of Uchiha Sasuke!

Uh…

Lets…let's just stop here for a sec… hot damn…

Ohhhh... cramps… cramp… go away… ahhh… nnnhhhh… this stinks… hahhh… not fair…

"Dude, teme, Sasuke-baka, what in the world are you doing in this trash filled alleyway, crawling in your belly when in fact you should be in the hospital because if you haven't noticed yet, you are bleeding like crazy?"

Sasuke glared at the tips of Naruto toes that appeared on her sight. How in the world does Naruto accomplish being there for her at the worst time possible and how does he manage to come off as being right during these moments? Take that instance in the Valley of the Dead for example. At that time, he had been spouting righteous claptrap too. He maybe right, but Sasuke would not completely agree until she had finished bemoaning the fact that he is here, at this very moment, again.

Why is it that the Fates keep throwing Naruto at her? Is that like their hobby?

"Are you gonna continue frolicking together with the rest of your amoeba pals or are you going to answer, Uchiha?"

As soon as she gets up from this garbage strewn ground, she is going to plant her foot on Naruto's nose SO hard, no doctor would be able to extricate that nose she would certainly embed into his face. How dare he say, much less assume, that she has amoeba for friends? Last time she checked, she's the neat freak and he's the complete slob.

"Sasuke?" Naruto's cool swagger alarmingly switched to a worried tone. "Have you noticed that you are bleeding profusely only at your… crotch region?" Naruto crouched before her, his kneecaps replacing the toes that had been in her line of vision moments ago.

"Good God, Sasuke, you didn't purposely cut your pecker off just to deter Sakura, did you? Teme, that's not cool." Naruto clucked his tongue against the roof of his mouth as his shadow loomed on top of her, closing in and covering almost half of her body.

By any chance, is Naruto reaching over to pat her down or just leaning over to check her out? What the hell is she staying here for? If there is any cue for her to start scooching far and away from Naruto, this has never been the better moment.

Let's get a move on body! C'mon! Start scooching!

"Teme, were you even thinking of the rest of the gorgeous gals who want to have a piece of you?" Naruto's movements stopped, but that didn't stop the panic rising in her because, now she has a full view of his shins and off to her right she could see one of his hands planted to the side of her body. Naruto has her cornered for she has not moved an inch at all!

Muscles, you useless pieces of shits, let's get this body cranking!

"Besides Saku-chan is one beautiful lady and you're the only male I've known who actually doesn't like her. I like her; all the rest of Konoha likes her. Why don't you?"

Sasuke's face screwed up into a scowl. The combined feeling of hysteria, cramping pain and a feeling closely related to giddiness are getting her totally messed up. She is doing quite fine with just cramping pain, shitty though it might have been, but to add hysteria and giddiness into the mix to liven up the party? That's just plain mean. Frankly, she didn't need anything to make it even more hellishly wonderful.

Sasuke seriously need Naruto to just shut up and go away. If he is here to defend Sakura's case—  
Oh, crap. Is that Naruto's hand on her waist?

"Sasuke, I really think we should get you to a hospital." Naruto muttered darkly, "I think you have lost a gallon of blood already. What the hell did you do to yourself? Saku-chan and Shika swore they barely came close to cutting you, much less grazing you with anything that is sharp and steely."

Sasuke suppressed a gasp when the twin of Naruto's left hand (which is still currently residing on her waist), came to rest on the right side of her pelvic girdle. She doesn't have a clue as to what Naruto is bound to do, but her sense of Impending Doom is telling her that it is not going to be good. Truth to be told, the best scenario she could imagine happening is he is going to prop her up and inspect her lower section thoroughly.

Alas! It is beyond any kind of doubt that a lot more abominable stuff could happen, considering that this is she we are talking about here after all.

It would probably do her some good by praying. Now.

"Looks like I would need to haul your ass, teme." Naruto said sounding miffed. "You better have something to repay me for this."

Okay, now, things are going from bad to worse for Sasuke. Apparently, the most diabolical scheme that Fates could cook up is just about to happen to her for hauling ass could mean a number of B-A-D things. You see, if Naruto had meant to carry her like a lump of sack over his shoulder, her breasts would surely touch his back. Likewise, if Naruto carries her piggyback she would still end up in close contact with him. Now, if worse comes to worst, she would be cradled on his arms, giving him a full view of her ample assets.

If she only could dictate what is to happen next. For sure, she would rather have it that Naruto drag her by the feet to the hospital he means to cart her off to. Never mind the cuts, bruises and bumps that she would acquire along the way.

Eyes squeezed tightly (both due to extreme pain and in fervent prayer), Sasuke struggled to come up with a better chant than "breasts in, dick out, breasts in, dick out, breasts in, dick out! My dick freaking appear now! She has to be delivered from this cursed situation this very second because this is so not the way she wanted dobe to find out! She would come clean to him and Sakura anyways, the moment she comes in terms with the fact she would be a girl.

Why, why would this have to happen?

A teensy-weensy wiener-like miracle right now actually would not hurt. Please.

"Upsy-daisy," Naruto grunted as he hoisted her up, his two hands spanning her ribcage and coming dangerously close to the crevice between her breast and torso. It was all too sudden for Sasuke when Naruto had set her on the ground, balancing her on two very wobbly legs. As soon as he had let go of her, she felt like crumpling back into a fetal position to desperately cover her front and to ease the unbelievable pain that kept on shooting up to her abdomen.

Ugh! The pain! The pain! It's cramping her style and making her appear like the hunch back of Notre Dame about to witness the occurrence of Armageddon!

"You know," Naruto mused, "I was thinking more along the lines of supporting you while we walk TOGETHER to the emergency room." Naruto paused and sighed heavily, exaggerating this already much exaggerated act. "But it appears like I would have to give you a piggy-back ride."  
Okay. Officially, this is it. Sasuke no longer questions if the cosmos are playing a joke on her. They are doing it and obviously, they are having an ass-kicking time making her the victim of all evil scenarios they could come up with.

"Teme, I know you are thin and all. Heck, you even have a pale complexion and short stature to match—what?"

Taking offense at being called short, Sasuke held one finger up to interrupt Naruto and somehow managed to scramble something on her placard.

DOBE, I AM ALMOST AS TALL AS YOU ARE. DON'T EVER CALL ME SHORT.

Naruto shrugged (which actually is the signal for her to deck him, but considering she could barely move, the only thing she was able to do was add more ferocity in the scowl she blasted his way).  
"Two inches shorter than me, means short of stature. The point is, you're heavy."

Sasuke is just about ready to pass out from the pain—an act she is more than willing to execute—had it not been for Naruto and her aggravation to this creature. How dare he call her heavy! She is of normal height, weight and if she does say so herself, she's one hot, sexy momma!

DOBE, YOU JUST HAVE PUNY MUSCLES. THAT'S WHY YOU THINK I'M HEAVY.

Naruto snorted. "Pfft. Teme, you're just plain heavy."

Sasuke would have been contented exchanging barbs with Naruto all day, but this dobe would just have to go and ruin it all for her. He quickly put their verbal sparring to death by taking hold of her arms and slugging her onto his back. He had pulled her to him so roughly; she ended up slamming her breasts against the breadth of his shoulders.

As her wind got knocked out of her, More Pain and Nasty Shock descended on her like piranhas on a dying otter. The two fought for her immediate attention, while Naruto, most likely having felt these bouncy flesh through the thin covering he calls shirt, repeated the deed of crushing her to his back, three times in succession, as if making sure that the first two breasts-bouncing-on-his-back-sensations are not just his imagination. After the third try, he removed her from his back and unceremoniously dumped her to his arms, making it look like he caught her free falling to the ground.

"What the fuck?"

He stared down at her, confusion, incredulity and the sister of Nasty Shock written all over his face.  
"Sasuke?"

Honestly, Naruto is starting to ogle her and her breasts so much he is beginning to create a mirror image of Kabuto.

"Are those…" he mumbled, bringing his knee up to support her bottom as he freed the hand holding it before. The said hand is now poised to poke at something, which you pretty much have the idea what. Right?

Sasuke would not be able to physically stop that finger from closing in to her boob. It would take too much effort, not to mention the percentage of her succeeding in snatching that finger is 0 to none (yes basically, a zilch percent of success) because, today, her muscles can't seem to cooperate with her during the times she truly needs them.

There is only one way that she could think of to stop him from proceeding.

Enter Armageddon.

"You touch that and you die, dobe." She said in a tone only pitch higher than a whisper. Mind you, it's not ear shattering, nor resoundingly loud, but the effect in unerringly similar. Every living thing around them—insects, rodents, flies, the kid who suddenly made an appearance with a ball on her hand, froze in their activity—mouths agape, eyes widening ever so slowly. There was nothing but the echo of her voice and the pit pat of her blood dripping to the ground that could be heard.

Meanwhile, Naruto, our poor dumbstruck victim, has transformed into a mannequin—a slack-jawed, shell-shocked version of himself. If Sasuke is not mistaken, Naruto is just about ready to relinquish his hold on her. For sure, the smoke coming out of his ears is definitely a sign that his brain has spontaneously combusted, rendering all his voluntary and involuntary functions to shut down.

Ugh, that descent to the ground, in the event that is so happens, is not going to be pretty.

Consequently, Sasuke is not gonna be very happy the instant her rump kisses the ground. Even the mere thought of adding Pain Number Two into her list of 'Whatever did I do to deserve something like this?' is hurting her something fierce.

Ever got a root canal? Well, to Sasuke's opinion, that's way cooler than having a sore rump and bloody cramps. Against her better judgment, she would have to make Naruto realize that dropping her is not an option by telling him not to do it ever.

"Drop me and you die, dobe."

Naruto's right cheek, twitched, one side of his lips turning up to form an insane man's smile. He unhinged his jaw and worked his mouth several times in a failed effort to say something, until; finally, a squeak came out. Then, least of what she had expected for him to do, he executed the very first act she had forbidden him to do.

His hand clamped down on one of her boobs.

"How…Shika…girl…" Naruto said breathlessly, completely losing it. Sasuke is not overly concerned about his condition, however. Not even when Naruto's spasming cheek included the whole corner of his eye, almost completely making the right side of his face jerk convulsively. Yep, Naruto looks like he is going to start one major epileptic episode minutes from now.

Sasuke could careless. What she is focused on now (the very thing she wanted to pummel Naruto for) is the hand that should not be where it is at this very second.

"I am going to cut that hand off—"

"What the hell happened to you?" Naruto yelled hysterically. "Are you really Sasuke? Who the fuck are you? You're a girl!" He squeezed her breast twice to emphasize his point. "You've got boobs! You're bleed—ohmygod! You're having your monthly! How did you know Sasuke? Why did you come to Konoha? Oh, Gods, even Tsunade-sama got fooled—"

"Shut up dobe," she snapped as she lifted her deadened arm and laid it across her abdomen. Weakly, she pressed it on that body part to ease the pain that has not lessened a bit ever since she started menstruating. Honestly, she could not deal with this and Naruto at the same time!

"Do not call me dobe! Only teme calls me that! Oh God, you're turning pale, you're turning pale! Quit doing that! Don't you know that you are pale enough? What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Sasuke groaned. Answering Naruto is not really something that she would like to get into right now. Truly, it might just take a year for to at least scratch the surface of what needed to be said in reply to his query.

"It hurts. Shut up. Remove your hand from my boob." She muttered wearily. It's not the best explanation there is, but it's short, curt and to the point—just like the way she wanted things to be. Good thing Naruto is chastised enough to retract his hand and placed it under her legs.

Then, to Sasuke's amazement, he blushed.

"I… you talk like Sasuke, but you don't sound like him." Naruto frowned. "Why don't you just turn back to your real form, girl?"


	24. When It Rains, It Pours Part 1

**Author's notes:**

Wow, I never thought this chapter would come out ever. I was stuck; me and my muse, we had been marveling at others' works lately, we haven't been able to concentrate on the one we should have been working on weeks ago. Yes, I am irresponsible.

DISCLAIMER:

I do not own Naruto. I probably have mistyped the word own to 'won' before, I apologize.

**Sassychan**

**By boyarina **

**Chapter 24: When It Rains, It Pours Part 1**

He could not take his eyes away from the direction where she is at. Confounded and utterly shocked, question after bewildered question steam rolled past his brain, demanding to know how the hell this could have happened. Flattened and nearly dead his white and gray matters maybe, still they struggled to rise and search through existing scientific possibilities in order to provide an answer to these mob of questions.

A man turning into a woman… It's like saying Gaara could become as hyper and talkative as the donkey character from the movie Shrek, made worse by being sugar high and by being subject to a lethal dose of laughing gas. Gruesome, ain't it? Throw in the shadowed eyes, maniacal grin, and over-all scariness, you would certainly feel like you've been transported to the zone called "Halloween on Elm Street."

Sasuke can't be a girl! He—she—dammit! How the hell does he refer to that teme? He is not a he! She can't be a she! A person may not be referred to as an 'it', not unless that person is a transvestite! Kuso! Everything just have to special around that teme, ain't it?

Naruto glared at the bathroom door, hoping that the heat of his stare would go past the wooden panel and prick Sasuke to let her know just how much displeased he is at this turn of events. Who wouldn't be? When Tsunade-baasan had confirmed that the girl he had brought to her office for prosecution (with the charges of personification, and illegal entry in Konoha) is actually Sasuke, (The Uchiha Sasuke) she consequently has given him explicit orders to 'get an overly large tree stump and stick it down his throat' and try not to advertise to everyone he knows about his discovery. Otherwise, the same fate will befall him. She didn't tell him how, she didn't tell him why. She simply handed him a paper bag containing chocolates, and a balm for Sasuke's pain, commanding him to aid Sasuke with what she is going through.

Like he, of all people could do that! He is not a girl, and he has no plans of becoming one. Therefore, he has no knowledge about womanly stuff like, like monthly periods! NO offense to woman in general, but it's like just utterly disgusting to be bleeding like that for days! All that sticky and coagulated blood coming out of you? uGh ! No. Way. Nah-ah. Uh-uh.

Hell. No. He would rather stay as a man. Occasionally smelly and sweaty he might be, it's a far better bargain than what women go through.

Naruto had it spelled out in his head how he would reject Tsunade-baasan's directions. He was right smack in the middle of his argument why he should not be the one to take care of Sasuke: (She's a girl! How could this be Sasuke? No! Way! No! I don't know nothing about napkins! What the hell are those? Tampons? Stick it where? WHERE?! Hell, no! Baasan! You're the one who should help her!) when Tsunade-baasan pulled her trump card and addressed him as a vassal who may not commit insubordination.

Naruto had no choice. Sucking it all up, he brought Sasuke back to their house (that just sounded like they are hitched or something!), hoping that Sakura would be here. He knew that he wouldn't be able to directly ask for her assistance, but he was planning to come up with a plan for Sakura to 'accidentally' find about Sasuke's gender now. That way this whole deal about Sasuke's monthly period could be taken care of by Sakura.

Unfortunately, he and Sasuke had come home to an empty house. For some reason, this minute detail caused nervousness and uneasiness to creep up Naruto's spine. He didn't know why, but the feeling is akin to being in someone's house without the proper supervision of the person's guardians (or parents, whatever it may be). Weird. It's not as though they are going to do something dirty, or naughty or sneaky. If not for anything else, the actually were simply going to do some cleaning up.

"Oy, teme, have you flushed yourself down the toilet, already?" Naruto called out, banging against the bathroom door just in case Sasuke fell asleep on the tub or something. She has been quiet for the past few minutes he had been mooning about the recent events that had happened he is beginning to wonder if she already committed seppuku for the tragedy that had been handed out to her.

"Oy, Sasuke! What the hell is going on in there?!" Naruto shouted once again, nearly breaking the door down in his attempt to get her to answer him. Truth to be told, his last stray musing brought panic surging up his chest.

Sasuke would not be foolish enough to want getting pledged as part of Lucifer's army, would she? (Premise being that when Sasuke cuts her lifespan shorter than what Kami had dictated it to be, she would go straight to the bowels of Hell.)

"Sasuke!" Unmindful that he is making quite a racket now, he continued pounding on the door. Let the neighbors run the front door down! He is not gonna quit pounding on this damn bathroom door until he gets some sort of answer!

Then, least of what he had been expecting, the door swung open. Really! Sasuke could have just screamed right back at him! But, of course not! She would have to go and unlock the darn door to peer at him (glare at him, same thing) exactly the second he got it into his head to ram the door down.

Naturally, with nothing to impede the speed he was rushing at (except perhaps the puny force Sasuke has got behind the door) he went right into the portal—which should have been blocked in the first place—like a freight train without any breaks. The only thing that stopped him from heading right out of the bathroom window is Sasuke's body in which he slammed into and went sprawling on top of.

A barely dressed Sasuke. A Sasuke who is now only sporting a shirt and a… _panty_?

"Can't. A. Lady. Have. Some. Privacy. Anymore?" Sasuke hissed angrily, clutching both her head (the part of her that bumped soundly into the floor the second gravity claimed possession of them both) and her abdomen (probably due to those infernal cramps she kept moaning and groaning about).

"Did you really find it necessary to pen that door?!" He growled back. If his reflexes weren't as fast, he would have ended up with his face squelched between her breasts because of her stupidity (or her plan to cut his respiration off by suffocating him in her huge breasts!). As it is, he had been able to brace his fall with his arms on each side of her head the moment they landed on the tiled floor.

"Have you honestly expected me to scream instead and risk becoming a Neanderthal like you?" Sasuke scoffed, "You have got to be kidding me." She sounds like she had placed her anger aside. However, the way she is sizing him up to be laid up in a coffin belied the truth behind her cool monotonous tones. She's all riled up, the both of them knows it, just that she'd rather not throw a hussy fit like everyone else does.

"Who are you calling a Neanderthal?" he clarified with narrowed eyes and using his most gravelly, "I-am-scarier-than-the-boogey-man' voice. Unlike princess ice cube beneath him, he prefers blowing up akin to an atomic bomb to release his frustrations.

"It's basic English, really," Sasuke drawled out, once again sounding composed, but with her expression clearly stating she is nearly done digging his burial plot in her head. "You are."

The throbbing in Naruto's temple has now become a roar behind his ears. She has done it again! She has provoked his inner child to exchange insults with her! It's not even a day yet when he had promised to act civilized and sophisticated around Sasuke so she could see how mature he had become. But she has to go and ruin it, doesn't she?

"Look here, teme, you dude-wanna-be—"

Her eyes widened in anger. Without any warning from her side, she crammed a pillow-like block into his mouth, cutting him off.

"I was a MAN!" she retorted just as he spat the object (which he found out to be a napkin) from his mouth. UN-BE-LIE-VA-BLE! How dare she jam that piece of contraption into his most sacred orifice! The gall of her!

Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Naruto tried to burn Sasuke to a crisp with the heat of his glare.

"You HAD BEEN a man, but all that counts is you're going to be a WOMAN for the rest of your life!" he hotly declared, getting his head to bob so ferociously, the rest of his body parts nodded in their own way too, simultaneously agreeing with him in his statement.

"Ergo! A person destined to be a female is mere trying to be a man, despite being born with a dick!"

Sasuke's right eye started quivering, her whole countenance showing as though she is slowly trying to digest his putrid conclusion.

"So, I had always been a female to you, is it?"

"Well, now you are!" Naruto blurted out. He could not help but agree with utmost zeal to Sasuke's query despite the descent of her voice from pit of the graveyard deep down to the subterranean layer of Hell. Who is she scaring anyway? Hello?! It's no longer Halloween!

"Oh, really?"

"Hell, yeah!"

A pinched look came over Sasuke's face. Teeth bared at him, she said, "For your information, that just doesn't give you the right to press your dick on MY thigh!"

Three exclamation marks rapped Naruto painfully on the head as he scrambled to his feet as though his ass is on fire.

"I…" he spluttered, choking on all the explanations that are clamoring to spill past his lips.

Honest to God, had been looking at the mirror right now, he'd say that he's turning a little bluish red (violet you might say) from the lack of air, mortification and utter embarrassment.

"How did you know that was my…" he gulped audibly, reddening a bit more than before. Like a flaming torch this is exactly what his face is; lightning up the bathroom for better than the fluorescent light above them.

Wasn't Sasuke supposed to have dermis akin to a rhinoceros's hide? Damn her for turning into a girl and for suddenly acquiring sensitive skin. DO they have built-in lotions or something?!

"That wasn't.. that was.. teme, you are such a pervert!" he accused, pointing a trembling finger at her.

Sasuke painstakingly propped herself up from behind, all the while scowling at the finger he got directed at her.

"How in hell did I become pervert here? YOU were PRESSING your DICK on MY thigh!" she growled, and then lacerated with her ultra venomous vision the appendage that is peacefully residing (well, not really) on the space between his legs.

Naruto crossed his thighs in an attempt to hide his crotch from her evil sight. Sasuke might have lost hers but he sure is not going to loose his! No sir!

"Weren't you the one squashing my—my—with your limb?! You hentai! You're even staring at it!"

Sasuke's jaw dropped. "Squashing?!" she groused, "I am not squashing anything at all! Or staring, for that matter, you dimwitted jerked! I'm glaring because I am mad, not because I want to look at your overly enlarged member!" She looked away from him and muttered a sting of dark curses under her breath.

"So you say," he replied petulantly, making her focus to come swinging back at him.

"Wanna come here and say that to my face?" she said, icicles practical forming in her words, "Be good enough for once and do that, would you? I just really need to ram the heel of my hand to your nose."

Naruto stuck his tongue out at her (yes, very immature indeed for a 19-year old) and proceeded to take one mighty lounge backwards. Seeing that "true intent to destruct everything that is within reach" in her eyes, anyone in his steed would have done the same thing.

"You may grovel all you want, teme, there's no way I am going to come nea—"

The resounding bang of a door being slammed shut and the call of "Naruto? Sasuke?" got Naruto clamp down on the sarcastic comment he had been delivering. He stood there like a statue, engaging Sasuke in a contest of 'let's see whose eyes get to be bigger than the other' as shock lanced them both in the brain.

"Sakura's here! Will you lock that damn door and get out of here?!" Sasuke snarled in hushed tones, gingerly trying to stand.

Naruto scrunched his face up; matching, crease by crease the scowl Sasuke has on her face.

"Are you ordering me around?" he asked idly, tarrying on purpose as a retaliation to Sasuke's sore treatment of him. He had been a leader for a couple of times now and he has yet to treat a subordinate (no matter how incompetent) like that.

"Will you tone your voice down?" Sasuke reprimanded, keeping her own voice leveled, yet appearing somewhat frantic as Sakura's steps came closer and closer to them. "And just get out?"

Somewhere up in the receiving room, Sakura called out again. "Naruto I can hear you! Are you in the bathroom? Where's Sasuke-kun?"

"Uzumaki, get your smelly butt out of here!"

Naruto is now more convinced than ever to stay right where he is. Insulting his posterior and talking to him like he is used to being a whipped dog are just two of the things that simply would NOT persuade him to follow someone's directive.

"Why don't you want Sakura to find out anyway?"

"You want me to look like a freak show to her?" Sasuke growled in a voice barely above a whisper. She held her hands up like claws in the air, ready to tear him to pieces. Undaunted by her pose, Naruto moved nary an inch. His face remained neutral even when Sasuke placed a foot forward, crouching a little as she went into an attack mode.

Like a coiled spring just about to be released down a forty-foot staircase.

Naruto could not care less if he comes out of this fray like a sheet of paper that has gone through a shredder meant to cut lengthwise and then crosswise (Sasuke's fingers sure looks mighty sharp from where he is) just as long as Sakura finds out exactly what he discovered today. He wants someone he could gripe this situation with sans the risk of losing his manhood otherwise he is going to go bonkers pretending Sasuke is a guy when in fact she is not!

Hailing Sakura (though never had been an option for him) or speaking louder to give her a clue as to their whereabouts no longer seems to be necessary as she sounds like (based on the level of noise her feet is making on the wooden floorboards) she's merely a yard or two away from them.

But then, the unthinkable happened. Much to his surprise, thin rope-like snakes got unleashed from Sasuke's wrists and palms. They aimed for his torso with jaws wide-opened and fangs bared. He was about to parry them and yell at Sasuke for foul-play, but the five snakes that he was about to eliminate vanished before contact, reappearing on places he failed to anticipate for them to go for.

Two wrapped themselves around his neck, four on his arms four on his legs. Naruto has every intention of burning them all off using his chakra, but lickety-split, like men-at-arms, they heaved and yanked him…

Barreling him into Sasuke. Again.

It was beyond any kind of doubt that Sasuke and her snakes did that on purpose. They even got him a position that would not leave anyone who sees them wonder if he had been the one who instigated pushing her down on the floor and straddling her. The worse part of this is now that the snakes are gone, their audience would think that Naruto is trying to harass the Uchiha Sasuke—the male Uchiha Sasuke.

Just in time, Sakura arrived at the scene of the crime.

"Naruto what in the world are you doing to Sasuke-kun?!" She shrieked, role playing the very scene Naruto have predicted. She slapped a hand onto her face and dramatically turned away. "I can't believe I am seeing this! Naruto, you weren't supposed to be gay!"


	25. When It Rains, It Pours Part 2

Author's Notes:

No idea what to place here.

DISCLAIMER:

I DO NOT OWN NARUTO.

Sassychan

By boyarina

Chapter 25: A Love Potion

Absolutely horrified. Being a recently converted homophobic (seeing Sasuke-kun being molested by Naruto changed her) could certainly make you absolutely horrified at the sight of one man grappling another man. This is why Sakura had quickly fled the scene after witnessing Naruto's enactment of 'How to get it on with your male best friend.' Sure, it could have been one good piece of pornography to some people, but Sakura simply would not be able to stand it if in case Sasuke submits to whatever Naruto would do to him next.

Sakura had brainstormed for three-non-stop-hours about how Naruto could have turned gay in the span of three days (counting from the date Sasuke had arrived in Konoha) and she could come up with nothing but with the conclusion of Sasuke actually the one who is gay and that he converted Naruto to be one.

Sakura's whole world is crumbling down her ears as this realization smacked her hard in the face. It had been real painful enough to find Naruto and Sasuke in a position she had always dreamed about to be in, but for the hand of fate to slap her with this additional agonizing possibility? It's just harsh, I tell you! Harsh! She could only take so much! She's a girl whose heart had just been crushed and, mind you, she has very tender feelings!

Sakura sniffed, inhaling in that runaway mucus that her nasal passages kept on secreting. She is trying not to be all choked up about this anymore, and is struggling to be more productive; to work towards a solution for her problems at hand. These are dire straits indeed. If all her assumptions are correct she would need some drastic and immediate measures to prevent having a gay Naruto and a gay Uchiha living in with her. She would have to set them both straight, literally set them both Straight as a Rod! It is her duty! Her (brand new) Ultimate Goal in Life before she kicks the bucket!

By all accounts, Sakura is not a devious person, but one thing that is pushing her to be like so is the thought of Sasuke-kun being anything other than a full-pledged male. In her mind (and heart) no one could thus be called Sasuke if one is: a) a half-male; b) a transvestite; c) a girl; and d) a closet gay. NO ONE could ever be a Sasuke not unless he is a true-blue, carved in stone, cursed for a lifetime MALE!

When she had dashed out of their house to grieve over her discovery, all means and ways to correct this gregarious mistake in her life came diving into her brain. They are all actually very wicked and petty, all matching the state of her mind then and now. However, despite this very objective assessment of hers, Sakura could not help but take a fancy to one particular measure and ponder how it could iron out all the creases in her life.

A love potion. Yes, Sakura is, by nature, is not a devious person, but the idea of getting Naruto and Sasuke to drink a love potion (separately!) so they could fall in love with a girl (like her for instance) is just so irresistible, she actually already have thought of the perfect accomplice who would be able to aid her with in the making of this endeavor. No, he is neither a witch, nor a wizard or that person common-folk has so branded because he is skilled at brewing and concocting weird stuff. Rather, he is one of those exceptional shinobi she had befriended from the Konoha General Hospital because of his unsurpassable ability to stir up medicinal herb and fix up an amazing cure. From what she had heard of him in the grapevine news, he has such flair in making "medicines" and has such an extensive knowledge on medicinal properties of plants that he would be able to make a cure for whatever ailment you have got in a snap.

Sakura stood up from the bench she was sitting on, the finality of a decision written all over her face. She is going to march her sorry ass off to Shishio-san (this is the guys she is talking about) and she is going to ask (or demand, whichever may apply at that point in time) for his help to make a very strong aphrodisiac, or something that would make a person crave for his/her opposite sex's physical ministrations. If he refuse to aid her, she would sure that he understands the gravity of her illness (being sick at heart is not a laughing matter!) and make him acquiesce to her wishes.

Now from what she would remember, Shishio-san's address is somewhere… out there… Sakura is not entirely sure (has no idea really), but he is bound to be listed, right? Yeah! He is bound to be listed on Konoha's directory under the full name of… of…

… of…

Oh hell. This is not going to be easy.

88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

Zombies are said to be the scariest monsters on earth, well that is, if they ever existed. Sakura is going to have to kick dirt over that allegation though, for the moment she saw herself in the mirror today, she had been fairly certain she has this great chance of scaring them—the zombies—away. The reason? She looks dead-er than the dead itself; in fact, she looks like she had died from too much snake venom in her bloodstream, drowned in the ocean for one week, then stuck in a morgue's freezer for a month and lastly, set to defrost on a pavement under the hot-midday sun.

(Careful, don't vomit there now. Throw up in the toilet like a good kid. There you go.)

After five hours, forty-seven minutes, and thirty-nine seconds of searching for Shishio-san; two-hours, twenty-three minutes and ten seconds of explaining to him her request; and seven hours, fifty-two minutes and thirty-six seconds of making the perfect and working love potion, Sakura has finally achieved and acquired what she had set out to do.

Medic nin and kunoichi extraordinaire, Haruno Sakura has now in her hands a Love Potion.

It is true. What she has is a REAL love potion. Sakura has proven its worthiness to be called a love potion by simply slipping it into a drink she had offered Hinata when she had stumbled on the shy Hyuuga in the training grounds. She had been on her way home then and the drink she had been lugging with her technically was for her, but when Hinata had commented that Sakura might want join her and Neji-san on the journey home (seeing the state that Sakura had been in could have prodded Hinata-chan to invite her) Sakura saw her chance to test just how effective the potion is.

Turns out it's prêt-ty powerful. All throughout their walk, Hinata had never ceased grabbing Neji-san on places you never really would be expected Hinata's stray hand to land on, making Neji yelp and sternly reprimand Hinata (yeah, he is trying to hide a smile in the process) not to do it again. Undeterred, Hinata just kept placing her hand in:

His bottom pocket:

("do you have a handkerchief?"; "niisan, don't you keep your bandana in here?"; "niisan do you have money in here?"; "niisan your wallet is not here!")

The pocket near his crotch :

("do you have a pen?"; "can I place my purse in here?"; "I think my fingernail got stuck in one of the threads!"; "niisan, why is this pocket empty?")

And on his chest:

("Offfff! I stumbled!"; "opps, I stumbled again!"; "Gosh, I'm getting terribly clumsy…"; "do you think you could carry me, niisan?").

Ah, all is well in their paradise. Now what Sakura just need to do now is make her own little paradise come true.

Sakura squared her shoulders and dared yet again to enter their house of horrors. She is not going to run away this time, no matter what position she would find them in. If necessary, she would stick a needle on just about any body part that Sasuke posses in order to inject this love potion into his bloodstream and consequently make him fall in love with her.

She is going to come out as the victor in this contest to win Sasuke's heart even if it means that this is the last deed she may do from here on end!

Sakura, being more than convinced that she is the Heaven Sent Angel destined to make Sasuke feel and love like a man (like he should be!) reached out determinedly, ready to unravel the entrance that would lead her to Sasuke. However, her fingertips never even grazed the brass doorknob handle as it was suddenly pulled away from her.

From the other side of the door, the very person who had swung the door open, was Sasuke. Her Uchiha Sasuke. If this doesn't mean that fates wanted them to be together, Sakura wouldn't know what would!

NARUTO HAS BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU.

Okay, this a tiny bit disappointing. She would not get discouraged that easily, however! Knowing Sasuke, he just doesn't want her to know he had been searching high and low for her too.

"Well, I'm right here." She beamed at him. "You don't have to worry."

RIGHT. SAKURA, CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND?

Well, well. Seems like things are turning out a little better for her. Angels truly are God's favorite creatures, aren't they? For one, she's a living proof.

Still wearing her mega-watt smile, she gave him her consent. "Sure Sasuke-kun. Let me just get us some drinks and we'll chat in the living room."

Sasuke peered at her suspiciously for a time or two. He seemed ill-at-ease to her estimation. Maybe due to her prolonged absence, he had been given the realization just how important she is in her life. He really had been worried sick when she had suddenly gone missing, hadn't he?

Sakura waited for Sasuke to make a move. After several seconds, he finally opened his mouth, then promptly closed it, most likely remembering, he could not speak at all. He nodded instead, stepping back and turning away to head to the direction where they are to stage their confessions of love.

Sakura on the other hand, went straight to the kitchen, rolling the vial containing the love potion in her hand. She had given only but a drop of the potion to Hinata and she had turned into one very naughty, if not downright lecherous female. For Sasuke, Sakura might need more than a drop as the man tends to be too dense and thick at times. Also, she had been informed by Shishio-san that the potion works more effectively on females than on males, thus males needs to have a little more than the regular amount.

With that in mind, Sakura emptied the whole vial into the drink she had made specifically for Sasuke-kun, threw the vial on the nearest garbage can and marched to the living room with her inner Sakura cackling like Dr. Evil inside her head.

"Sauke, what is it?" She asked as soon as she had handed Sasuke his drink. With just the two of them in the house, and the potion's effect being that whosoever drinks it would be attracted to the opposite sex nearest him/her, Sakura could not get to be more eager to see the results of the potion.

She watched in breath less anticipation when Sasuke did not reply to her query, but had instead played with his drink and consequently took a huge gulp out of it.

YES! She inwardly squealed. She knows, beyond any doubt, that Haruno Sakura is going to be one married woman soon! Huzzah! Halleluiah! She must have done something good in her childhood because it is certainly being—

"Sakura, how do you use a tampon?"

The carnival and its noisy parade celebrating Sakura's victory came to a grinding halt. Tires of the float bearing her and Sasuke's figurines—holding hands and garbed in wedding attire, banner with their names and hearts on it screeched to a stop as the numerous versions of inner Sakura flat out screamed upon hearing that oh-so-Ungodly voice.

What the FUCK is that?

"Did… did," she stuttered, scooching away from Sasuke—or this person who might not be Sasuke. "Did you say something?"

Sasuke folded his (her?) arms and straightened in his (her?) seat. Being in that imposingly rigid stance, everything in his (her?) person stood out. As it was, two nearly indiscernible bulges became apparent against his (her?) shirt, making Sakura's eyes, likewise, bulge out of their sockets as she stupidly stared at them.

"Sakura, do you naturally feel the need toggle another woman's breast?" Sasuke (or this person who might not be Sasuke) intoned irritably, getting Sakura to swivel her attention back to his (her?) face.

"How…" Even just a simple question is getting far too complicated for Sakura to formulate. She is beyond dumbstruck and her brain had officially melted into a useless goo.

This person is a girl and… and…

"Sakura, I have asked you this, but I am going to ask you again. How. Do. You. Use. A. Tampon?" the Sasuke clone asked. Calm and steady like nothing freaky is going on that moment, the clone took a sip from her potion enhanced beverage.

Sakura twitched. It is bad enough that she is hearing this sound coming from this creature who looks exactly like Sasuke (except the boobs), but to watch helplessly as this girl drinks the potion down, swig after darn swig? The horror! Her potion is being wasted and if this is really Sasuke… and Naruto…

Oh. No. Noooooo… Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph, the clone's drink is but now a figment of everyone's imagination! To the last drop it is, at this very second, gone!

"W-ho are you?"

The close frowned. "Haven't we already established that at the front door? Sakura, could you please pay attention and stop gaping at me for 5 measly seconds?"

Coming back to her senses, Sakura bounded to her feet and simultaneously pulled out a kunai. "I'm not listening to you! You're not my Sasuke! My Sasuke does not sound like a crossbreed of Kurenai-sensei and Kaka-sensei!"

"I sound like what?" the clone asked, looking very disgusted. "And since when did you claim legal rights to my person?"

Sakura waved her weapon wildly around, completely disconcerted about the fact that the clone is addressing herself as though she is Uchiha Sasuke.

"I did not claim legal rights to you! You're not Sasuke! Our Sasuke's a male and you're a… a…"

"A female." The clone dryly supplied. "Like you are. Or are you gendered differently?"

Sakura gasped. "Don't insult me, you, you, Sasuke-impersonator!"

"Let's see here," the clone tapped a finger on the side of her mouth, appearing like she's gravely contemplating Sakura's answer. "You greeted me with the name Sasuke at the door, and you call me an impostor now. Why call me Sasuke in the first place?"

"Because you got us all fooled into thinking that you are Sasuke!" She shot back, feeling smug at the cleverness of her.

Unperturbed, the clone exhaled loudly. "No, it's because you thought I was a male. But not that I've revealed to you I am not a male, I', no longer Sasuke to you."

"Because Sasuke IS a male!" Sakura insisted, slightly hysterical now. "Always had been a male; would never be anything but a male! Not gay, not female, not—just plain male! A male who is supposed to be all over me now because of the love potion I gave him in his drink! But you chugged my chances with him down! I worked my ass off coming up with that potion and now, it's gone! Gone!"

The clone did a double take. Eyes wide, she stared down at the empty glass in her hand.

"You placed what in my drink?"

Sakura brought a hand up on one hip. "That wasn't for you. It's for Sasuke-kun!" she said defensively.

"I'm Sasuke!" the clone moaned.

"No, you're not."

"Sakura what would the potion exactly do to me?" the clone asked as she covered her face—a face sporting the look of pure trepidation.

Sakura shrugged. Seeing that the clone is not a real threat, she began twirling the kunai in her finger.

"Had you been a male, you'd want to do me right now."

"But I'm not," the clone rasped.

"Well, then, you do the opposite."

The clone groaned.

And groaned some more.

"Could you please tie me on this chair?"

Sakura raised one eyebrow. This is one odd request to make, coming from a possible impersonator. It could however mean the capture of this person. Well, the hell, whatever works, right?

Sakura stowed her kunai away and started pulling out ninja wire from her weapons pouch.

"You finally ready to turn yourself in?" she asked casually.

Face still buried in the palms of her hands, the clone slowly shook her head.

"What then?" Sakura persisted, winding the wire on her hand for easy access.

When the clone didn't supply her with a response, Sakura decided to just stroll over to the clone so she could happily do her bidding. But an untimely interruption occurred. Before she had even lifted a foot, a puff of air materialized right between her and the clone, bringing with it Uzumaki Naruto.

And consequently an answer to her latest question.

Hot damn.

99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999

Comments:

Thanks to the following who have placed 'Sassychan' in their alert and fav list! Thanks so much you guys!!!! Kisses!

Becky Yuy, CowNapkin, CrimsonDarknessPhoenix, Dark-Fluffy-Gal, I Agree, Ichiko and Sora, Keg369, KiaraNxiar, Kitsune Kit, Mikochansweden02, Salamence and FlygonRoguefanAM, Scrabble and Dice, Shasty, sleepyOni195, sasuxnarucute, sasuke1gaara93, phantom-anime-freak, lunarxshinobi, kagurasan5, asukann, ZeroX1999, Twobloods, tataliny

lynex7, asukann, ofdarknesschaos, preada58, red-headed psychopaths wanted, sasuxnarucute, sleepyOni195, slyswn28, xXShadowedfateXx, Ja ne, Kat, I'm-Mike, I Agree, Hanbun no Tsuki, Guardian of the Hell Gate, Dream Elf, CowNapkin, Cavalyn, Becky Yuy, Mizu no Craw, Mikra, Manic-Madeca, Lunatari, Lisirra, LbcLostKid, Kitsune Kit, Keg369, SallyWally, Salamence and Flygon, RoguefanAM, Riiiceballe, Primeval Eidolon Scar, Peanut Butter Addict, Oblivion12, Moonlight of Thunderclan, Zannen, YourEvilOverlord, Titavi, TearShield Alchemist, Spikeddraco666, Sienna Maiu, Serenity Destiny Hikari, Scrabble and Dice


	26. When It Rains, It Pours Part 3

**Author's Notes:**

Hi! Hi! Sorry about this very late update. Hehehe, I was trying to track down my dharma (yes I am already having midlife crisis despite being at the age of 23), and yet it kept eluding me.

Special Thanks to **Tina** who edited this. And Special Thanks also to **Tiffie** who is making a doushinji out of Sassy-chan (I am terribly excited!!)

Hope you all had a very nice Christmas and New Year! Mine rocked:)

DISCLAIMER:

Can't, will never, own Naruto.

**Sassychan**

**By boyarina**

**Chapter 26: When It Rains, It Pours Part 3**

1 "Sasuke! Sakura!"

This was the last coherent statement that Naruto made before Sasuke leapt forth and attached herself to him. All things considered, the sentence would not even have qualified as a correct sentence as it didn't even have a verb and the rest of the qualifying objects included in the predicate. We, however, are going to stand by the allegation that this was the last coherent statement that Uzumaki Naruto said the second following his arrival in their more than topsy-turvy household.

2 "Ack! Wha—Hey! St—omph! Omph!"

Heard that exclamation Naruto uttered? It was so much like an ancient garbled language that not even a Nobel prize linguist would have dared to begin deciphering its context. Not only that, due to the pg-18 rating of the scene being enacted, it is my honest opinion that the linguist wouldn't have bothered listening and analyzing what was being said, but would rather have just simply watched and learned from our beloved dead-last and the Uchiha prodigy.

3 "Intruder! Stop kissing Naruto! Geroff him!"

4 Freeze that scene in your head for just a teeny tiny minute, will you?

Naruto, straight as a rod, balanced precariously on the balls of his feet. Sasuke glomped on him like a magnet to a metal—kissing him like there's no tomorrow. Lastly, Sakura, holding Sasuke by the waist while she tried to unplug Sasuke from Naruto's mouth and the rest of his body. Cute isn't it? You'd almost practically wish you were there to join in.

5 Though we might enjoy this display (as evidenced by the imaginary hearts and butterflies floating over our heads), it's a pity there were just some people who did not appreciate it. Take Ms. Grumpy Haruno Sakura for instance.

6 "Stoooooppppppppp thhhhiiissssss maaaaddddnnnnneeessss!!!" Sakura hollered at the top of her lungs, and laced her fingers even more tightly against each other as she tugged harder on the Sasuke clone's abdomen. She planted her feet on Nareuto's legs as she continued to pull.

"Omph! Omph! OMph!"

7 As Naruto desperately cried for help, Sakura cringed and shook her head furiously. The clone was not just simply harassing Naruto, she was practically devouring him. She was nearly on the brink of sucking the life out of him. Honestly! Even with the dose of love potion Sakura had given her, the level at which she was reacting was wayyyyyyy too exaggerated. True, Sakura might have emptied the almost full vial of potion in the clone's drink and though she had drank it to the last drop, her behavior right now was inexcusable!

8 Why couldn't a crowbar appear suddenly in one's hand when one desperately needs it? Why? Why? This girl had to be pried off Naruto! She needed to be attached securely to one end of a 100-foot pole and Naruto attached to the other end of said pole so they would be kept as far away from each other as possible!

Where in the seven hells was that crowbar? Couldn't the devils just pitch it over to her, or better yet throw it at all of their heads? That way all of them would get knocked out and wake up in hopefully, a more normal world.

A world wherein Sasuke look-alikes didn't speak like girls, and didn't have a set of boobs. A world wherein a male Sasuke would completely and helplessly fall deeply in love with her the second he took a single sip out of her love potion. Yes, an exact opposite version of this world she had accidentally stumbled upon, that was what she wanted to wake up in.

9 Sakura grunted heavily as she heaved, tugged and pulled; heaved, tugged and pulled, repeating the same action over and over again with no visible results.

"Uzumaki Naruto! Would you quit being a mannequin and help me save you!" Sakura ordered angrily. "Don't tell me that you are enjoying this?!"

At long last, Naruto was jolted from his trance-like state. For the first time in the past three minutes, he hastened to make use of his hands to regain his balance and proceeded to assist Sakura detach the seemingly leech-related clone off him.

"You push and I pull, Uzumaki!" Sakura said breathlessly. "One, two, three!"

Success! They finally got the clone an arm length's away from Naruto. Still, the clone struggled in Sakura's grasp, pumping her legs in the air so she could get back to the position she had been in before. Sakura would not let that happen though. Nope. Most certainly _not in this life time_.

10 "What the hell has gotten into you Sasuke?" Naruto demanded, wide-eyed, lips reddened from that bruising kiss (Hmph! Life threatening kiss if you asked Sakura!)

"She's not Sasuke, Naruto! She's a girl!" Sakura hurriedly explained, as she kept a tight rein on the clone, who seemed intent on ravishing Naruto again.

"Both of you shut-up!" the clone throatily ground out. "Dobe, lie on the bed!"

Naruto's eyes bulged further out their sockets, and Sakura gave a loud gasp

"That's just vulgar, you clone! You impersonator!" Sakura yelled.

"What's wrong with you, teme!" Naruto spluttered.

Sakura exhaled exasperatedly. "Naruto, SHE is NOT Sasuke!"

Naruto peered past the clone's shoulder and looked at her, surprised. "You know teme's secret?"

Sakura scowled. "No. What I said is—"

"Dobe, get this over with and tell her I'm Uchiha Sasuke. Then, get on the fucking bed!" The clone impatiently said, cutting Sakura off.

A blush started to creep up Naruto's neck. He swept his eyes from Sakura to the clone. The beginnings of an epilepsy attack had taken a hold of one of his eyebrows.

"Saku-chan, the Hokage testified that this is Uchiha Sasuke , cursed to be a female. Now could someone explain to me why she is talking like this?"

Sakura reeled back a little. "W-wha? What do you mean?"

The clone (Sasuke?) growled. "He means that I'm Sasuke like I told you before! Now quit yakking, release me and dobe, Get. On. The. Bed!"

"I think I am going to go crazy." Sakura said faintly. The only upside she could see in the very twisted situation was that, at least, Naruto was NOT gay.

11 Sasuke (the clone?) grunted. "What? You are not already crazy? Why are you waiting? Naruto, would you please get your behind moving and get on the bed? How many times do I have to say this?"

'Teme, are you honestly gong to fuck me?" Naruto asked, frowning. "Can you actually hear what you are sa—"

"I had her drink a love potion," Sakura numbly interrupted. "Is this really Sasuke?"

Naruto tilted his head up and pinched the bridge of his nose. "A love potion? You let teme drink a love potion?"

"Oh, for Pete's sake," Sasuke groaned, sounding as if she wanted to start banging her head on the nearest solid object. "Could everyone stop talking and, dobe, get—"

"On the bed! We know that already!" Sakura bellowed, snapping her attention back to reality. "Would you take a hold of yourself? It's the love potion that is making act this way! Naruto's not even your type!"

"Do look like I care?" Sasuke returned snappishly. "I just need to get a piece of him!" That said, Sasuke began flailing anew; straining with all her might to, undoubtedly, glomp Naruto once again. Sakura redoubled her efforts to hold Sasuke in place.

"Sasuke, girls do not this kind of thing!" Sakura exclaimed, trying her best to sound scandalized. She hadn't yet fully accepted the fact that this girl was Sasuke, but still, she needed to get through to her. She couldn't just let Sasuke disgrace herself by ravaging a man. Sasuke couldn't just loose her precious flower that way! It wasn't right! More so, Naruto could not just be raped by Sasuke, of all people. She had to help Naruto, for not in a million years would he be able to get himself out of this kind of situation.

She had to think of a plan that would kill two birds with one stone!

12 "Ne, Saku- chan, teme, I'm getting a little bit tired of this. When does the potion actually wear off?" Naruto commented, the frown of befuddlement still on his face. "And teme, wouldn't it be so much nicer to seduce me than to throw yourself at me?"

"I do what I want to do," Sasuke snapped. "I DON'T CARE what you girls normally do. I DON'T CARE for what is nicer to do. Can't you just get on the freaking bed, dobe?"

A light bulb tinged inside Sakura's head. She had got it; the solution to all of their problems. The best part of it was, she derived it from Sasuke's words.

In an encouraging tone, she said, "Sasuke-kun, how about you get undressed, lie on the bed and Naruto here will join you once you are ready?"

Sasuke harrumphed. The effort she had been exerting to counter Sakura's hold on her lessened a notch or two. If there had been any other chance to goad Sasuke into taking her idea, Sakura knew this was it.

"You could freshen up and he will make love to you all day loooonnngggg," She said, sealing the deal, and pointedly looked at Naruto, instructing him with her eyes to smile becomingly.

As Sasuke pressed her lips in contemplation, Naruto did as she had suggested— and smiled so beguilingly, he looked for a moment there like one handsome, _one very handsome_ devil.

(Oh, shoot, that love potion wasn't supposed to be contagious…)

"Okay."

13 Sakura blinked several times the moment Sasuke gave in to her and consequently broke away to go to the bedroom. Sakura collected herself, and sorted through her brain to find the plan she had actually lost whilst being muddled by Naruto's smile.

Having finally retrievd the plan (with Inner Sakura waving the blueprint of it excitedly in the air) Sakura snapped her fingers and turned to Naruto.

"Turn into a girl now!"

Instead of immediately obeying her, Naruto pulled a long face. "But—"

"Naruto!" she demanded, irritation prickling at her skin. This was instantly joined by panic when Sasuke tore out of the bedroom, headed straight for Naruto.

Why couldn't Naruto just do what she said?

"Naruto, now!"

"Oh, all right!" He acquiesced reluctantly, and grumbled something under his breath. Then, he poised his fingers to execute the jutsu….

Poof!

99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999

I know this is a tiny bit shorter than what you have expected. More to come. More NaruxSasu action to come anyways then I shall go into the main story line. I might hurry the story up. I might put in details at a later time. Er, hopefully I would be able to get this done before chapter 40 comes up:)


	27. Of Closures and Whatnot

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

I was supposed to de dead a week ago. I really I should have been. I had been rushed to the hospital. I collapsed during my shift at work because I never ceased going to work though I was sick and I worked harder than I should have been working in the first place. Not only that, during the week that I was sick, I didn't give up on my physical regimen thinking that would clear up my sinuses and eventually make me well. Apparently, not.

Do not make an example of me. Take care of your health. It doesn't mean that even if you are at the young (semi-old) age of 24 (like me), you should be taking life on as though you are closely related to superman.

Happy Valentines Day.

SPECIAL SHOUTOUT TO: Tina, who once again, edited this chapter. Thanks so much girl:)

DISCLAIMER:

I do not own Naruto. In my dreams I do. During my stint in the hospital while I had been hallucinating, drowning in the medication being stuck into me, I was Naruto. But then, I got well and I realized that I am after all, a girl. How in hell can I be Naruto? Pshaw. Drugs.

**Sassychan**

**Chapter 27: Of Closures and Whatnot…**

There are just instances wherein no matter how good the situation was, you just can't make everyone happy. Take the three of them Leaf ninjas for example (and what a perfect example they are!). For one, she, Sasuke, shouldn't be feeling all disappointed considering that there was no longer a male Naruto around, down whose throat she could stick her tongue. She should be thankful since she was no longer acting like a maniac, groping usuratonkachi of all people!

(His lips tasted fantas—ah, ah! Crap! This love potion better wear off soon! Otherwise, she might just find herself thinking how _hot_ Naruto was. She would never be able to live it down, if the Laws of her Character ever caught her thinking the dobe was hot.

Then, of course, there was Sakura. Just when everything got all nice ad settled down, this girl just had to go and stir things up again. At her own stupid risk, Sakura interrogated her to prove is she really was Sasuke—only to break down and start bawling after confirming her identity. (Truth to be told, Sasuke got a tad scared of Sasuke after that lengthy interrogation. You see, from the way Sakura had questioned Sasuke about her 'ways of living', she had gotten a glimpse of how WELL Sakura knows her. In fact, she even knows how Sasuke clips her toenails. A thing to shudder at, really. Either Sakura was a very observant kunoichi or just one hell of a stalker.) Sakura should have just been content (or happy) that Sasuke was no longer French kissing Naruto (which had been one damnably fine thing until he turned into a girl!) and ended it at that!

Lastly, there was Naruto; the one male specimen she would have fucked—had he been a male as of this moment—just would not stop glaring at her. (Quiet, you laws of Uchiha Sasuke's character! She was under the spell of the love potion! It's not like she could control her less than chaste thoughts!) He, of all people, should be ecstatic because she was no longer on to him like a starving mangy dog on a bone. He should have been content that Sakura's allowing him to semi-hug her as she bemoaned her never-going-to-be-married existence.

"I'm going to be," SOB! " a virgin all my," SOB! "LIFE!" SOB!

Sakura was currently slumped on the table, with the surface of her generous forehead supporting the rest of her head. Shoulders shaking, hands dangling at her side, Sakura punctuated each fragment of her statement with a heavy hiccup and a small snot filled sniffle. Tears leaked from her eyes on to the table top, which then subsequently dropped and pooled on the spot of floor next to her feet.

"There now, Saku-chan! Daijobou! There's a whole gaggle of males waiting for you to be their bride!" Naruto stated firmly, looking at Sasuke pointedly and inclining his head towards Sakura in a silent demand for her to join him.

Sasuke merely huffed in response, which made Naruto glare at her all the harder. Try as she might, Sasuke could not bring herself to pacify Sakura. Well, actually, ever since Naruto had started patting Sakura consolingly on the back, crooning softly and lovingly tucking stay tendrils of her hair behind Sakura's ears, Sasuke lost all taste in doing any such acts of compassion and sympathy.

So, as Sakura bawled harder, Sasuke stayed on her seat and boredly hooked her shin on the heel of her palm. She didn't even take heed though Naruto pumped his head with great fervor on the air above Sakura's head, summoning her again to help him out.

"I had p-pictured" SOB! "how m-my kids w-would look l-like" SOB! "w-with Sasuke-kun as t-their dad" SOB! "the m-males would have p-pink hair, you k-know…"

Simultaneously, Sasuke and Naruto winced at the image.

"…they would be d-dashing…" SOB! "and the girls w-would have b-black hair" SOB! "w-with green eyes like their m-mom" SOB! "All mysterious and p-pretty…" SOB!

Naruto sighed. "You know Sasuke's not the only male out there, Sakura-chan. There are about a thousand other males in Konoha who have black hair!" He sad as he continued petting Sakura , which made Sasuke roll her eyes in exasperation. Sakura, in all honesty, was just getting all too melodramatic.

"Yada!" Sakura exclaimed vehemently. She bolted upright, snapping her spine to a rigid pole-like state. "I have sworn off guys with black hair from this day forward!" She furiously wiped her tears away using her knuckles and faced Naruto.

"Would you do me a favor?" Sakura asked him imploringly. Sasuke frowned, when, like one besotted fool, Naruto nodded automatically to Sakura's request.

"Anything," Naruto said, taking Sasuke's ire a notch higher. The, as if to make things far more annoying and never grating than it already was, Sakura just suddenly hugged Naruto's arm held on to it like it was her last God given salvation in life.

"Anything?" Sakura whispered tearfully. She snuggled his arm further into her embrace, and pressed her face on the spot on his arm nearest his armpit.

Naruto hesitated. He looked a tad wary, most likely due to Sakura's insistence and the probability of a hidden trap in her words. Only after a very lengthy pause did he finally gave his confirmation.

"Hai."

"Took you long enough to answer," Sakura commented mournfully. She sniffled, and at the same time, took a whiff of Naruto's underarm. "Good thing you don't smell. I could have died."

Sasuke was on the brink of chuckling, smirking, snorting or any combination of the three at what Sakura said. Thing is, the acrid burning in the pit of her stomach was eating away at everything that she considered comical and funny. In addition to that, her desire to have a LARGE, GAPING cavern appear between Sakura and Naruto was taking up most of her mental functions, and nothing else was clearly registering in her brain. In fact, there were several voices whispering harshly in her head (which most likely were the voices that constitute the laws of Uchiha Sasuke's character) but she could hardly discern what it was they were trying to relay to her.

It was almost to Sasuke's relief when her illogical thoughts tamed themselves a bit as Naruto sighed exasperatedly and attempted to wriggle his arm from Sakura's grip.

"Saku-chan," he huffed. "Would you just tell me what is it?"

"Well, if you are just going to sound that reluctant," Sakura replied tearfully. "I'm probably better off asking Lee about it."

"That might not be a bad idea," Sasuke piped in, unable to stop her runaway tongue.

Naruto once again glared at her, bearing an expression on his face that said "would it kill you to show a little sympathy?"

"I'll be able to help you better than Lee could." Naruto said, and patted her on the cheek. He smiled crookedly when Sakura raised her head up and inched her face closer to him. On the other hand, because of this, Sasuke was barely able to conceal the twitch that her body spontaneously generated.

"Really?" Sakura insisted pitifully, her doe-like eyes glistening.

Naruto nodded. "Sure."

Sakura bit her lips and smiled tentatively. She looked so dopey, cheesy and too over-the-top romantic that Sasuke was finding it hard not to hurl down the front of Sakura's shirt accidentally.

"Thanks, Naruto." Sakura said, appearing as though she had completely forgotten about her request. _Well, so much the better_, Sasuke though. She has this nasty feeling that whatever it is Sakura wanted, it definitely would not be good.

The conversation should have been done with at that point, for which Sasuke could not have been more thankful and relieved. However, Sakura remained in the position she was in as she continued to peer at Naruto with her doleful eyes. From the way it would seem, Sakura had gotten back onto the main subject of her concern. She tugged Naruto closer to her and murmured in a voice filled with woe:

"If by the time I turn 30, and I still don't have kids, you will give me one, right?"

Naruto quirked his mouth to the side; an annoyed expression coming over his face.

"What makes you think _I_," he stressed, "would not be married then and have kids of my own?"

He pulled a bit away from Sakura, taking a deep breath as he gathered steam for his argument.

"You know, if you would quit going for people who look like boys but truly are not, your chances of getting hitched may turn out to be greater than mine. Take that Uchiha for example. Apparently, she is not a guy, but you, nonetheless, had fallen for her—hook, line and sinker."

"Are you implying that I'm a lesbian, Naruto?" Sakura asked sharply, abandoning her woe begotten act.

Sasuke eyed Sakura and Naruto as they faced off, feeling highly irritated at the fact they were still like pretzels twined together and with only an inch or two of space between them. She wanted to yank Sakura away from Naruto but the laws of her character forbade her to do so. It would look weird, they said. Besides, she really had no business yanking Sakura away. It's not as though she cared if Naruto's private space was being invaded or that his face was only an inch from Sakura's fuming one.

Just that, honestly, couldn't Sakura have taken a step back or two away from where she was It's not as though she wouldn't be able to glower at Naruto from the other end of the room

"I'm not, Saku-chan," Naruto replied in as much of a cutting tone as Sakura had used. "I'm just saying that I'm the one guy you could have fallen for but you didn't!"

Sasuke, at that very moment, would have sworn that she had turned blue with the bile that had risen from the bowels of her stomach. She was going to be sick. She could not believe what Naruto had said. Furthermore, she could not believe was feeling this way. The laws of her character were currently raging at her, demanding for her to stay composed, and simply watch, completely docile. She has no business interfering. Most importantly, she has no right to kick Naruto out of the house and not let him in until he took back what he said. She had to follow the natural order of things and be the reserved Sasuke who will only detain the between Naruto and Sakura.

Sakura looked taken aback by Naruto's outburst. But, then, after a second, a smile started to tug at the corner of her lips, which told Sasuke that it was the nice sort of surprise that had got to her. She was happy, that much was obvious, yet still her eyebrows kept up with the attempt of clashing together to form a frown.

"What are you saying? Of course I HAD fallen for you, you dim wit!" Sakura returned, snarling as she did so. She jabbed a finger on his chest and continued, "I just didn't want to you know because I hadn't planned on ending up choosing between you and Sasuke. You didn't know how much effort I placed so you would not end up getting hurt! Because I am your friend! And what do I get for my efforts? Your insults, you big oaf!"

"Well, Sasuke's not a boy now is she? Yet, look at what you're still doing!" Naruto yelled back.

In response to this, Sakura uncharacteristically became calm. The fury she had been exhibiting earlier seemed to have just suddenly went up and kicked the bucket. Proceeding this disastrous turn of events was the appearance of a tentative smile on Sakura's face.

It was supposedly a very cute, a very endearing moment, yet Sasuke winced. She pinched the bridge of her nose, sensing the arrival of a huge bludgeoning headache. She could not truthfully find the reason why she was (is) here in the middle of this badly written soap opera, which was (is), by the way, getting worse by the second.

Indeed, if there's one thing that she would have wanted to happen at that moment, it was for Sakura and Naruto to be interrupted. Let a natural disaster occur right at their feet, or better yet—

"I HAD, HAD, fallen for you, Naru-chan. Weren't you listening?" Sakura said, jarring Sasuke from her mental ramblings,. Sakura had an expression on her face that was so beguiling, Sasuke was hard pressed not to shake her and bring to her attention that she ought not to be acting that way, especially not around Naruto, of all people!

Naruto harrumphed, obviously not pacified by Sakura's answer. He disentangled himself from Sakura (at loving last!), stood up and turned his back to them. .

"You could have the courtesy to tell me before. You know, as a friend," he grumbled.

He pivoted in place and stood before them once again, his face a mess of emotions Sasuke could not even begin to fathom.

"I could have gotten over this days, weeks, or months ago if you have told me. Now(r), you're making me all confused!"

Most likely befuddled by what Naruto said, Sakura gaped—looking all too nonplussed.

"Confused about what?" she asked. Sasuke could hardly fault Sakura for sounding curious for she too feels the need to demand from Naruto an explanation to clear up his complaint. Truthfully, prodigy though she might be, Sasuke could not even attempt to try breaching the level of inanity his speech has reached.

Unfortunately, instead of giving the corresponding answer to Sakura's query, Naruto let out a frustrated yell. Without signaling them as to what he would do next, he turned back to his original male form.

Sasuke frantically grappled the air for something that would anchor her in place. Finding nothing after a nano second of searching, the powers of the love potion overcame all of her self-control. Really, who could blame her if she threw herself at Naruto and started sucking on his… neck?

"Ack!" Naruto gasped. Directing his succeeding words to Sakura, he said, "I'm confused about this!" He pointed at Sasuke, then at Sakura, "And you! And everything! Couldn't anything just be simple?"

0000000000000000000000000000

I am well now and hopefully I would be able to post up the next chapter soon :) Thank you for all of you readers out there and the ones who I was able to befriend here in aff, and tonfa. Thanks so much.


	28. Getting Into Their Heads

**Author's Notes:**

Hi there! Er, sorry for the rush, but gotta go! Thanks for waiting for this! Thanks you so much for those who had reviewed the last time and those who had reviewed recently. When I thought my life couldn't get any busier than it actually was, it did.

Enthusiasm is everything. It must be taut and vibrating like a guitar string.

_-Pele_

DISCLAIMER:

I do not own Naruto.

**Sassychan**

**By Boyarina**

**Chapter 28: Getting to their heads**

He was a girl _again_. Do you want to know why? Well, let' recap then, shall we? First, he came home as a guy but because Sakura gave teme a love potion for a drink, he had to turn into a girl so teme would not suddenly loose her virginity by mauling him right there in the living room. Secondly, he morphed back to his _original _male form right after Sakura's confession to show her that he doesn't have the EQ advantage that girls have over boys and that her confession actually upped the level of his entirely too blenderized emotions since that moment teme started French kissing him. Lastly, he convinced himself to turn back into a girl when Sasuke latched herself to his neck and began sucking on it for he nearly lost control and actually entertained the notion of returning back the arousing ministrations she was doing to him (which was so not right, not right at all!).

From boy to girl to boy and back to a girl again. It certainly was a wonder that his testosterones were not mistaking themselves to be estrogens. As for him, he generally would not have minded reverting from one gender to another (especially if it means getting Shino or Neji to instantaneously nosebleed), but today, he was making an exception. Actually, ever since he found out that teme's technically a girl; he had not wanted to turn into a girl again. The reason for this was because it would just be plain weird. It would definitely be weird for him to be a girl and at the same time harbor a sort of butterfly, back-flipping sensation at the thought of a girl Sasuke.

A Sasuke whom he had been sitting on top of nearly a day ago.

Naruto rubbed the palms of his hands over his face to chase this memory away. It was bad enough that Sasuke was keen on raping him, but for him to add erotically stimulating evens to his worsening infatuation? He has got to openly admit that he was just plain stupid. If he had any sense at all, he should be keeping in mind that Sasuke was the teme whom he had been roughhousing before; that she had been a guy who had a dick like him; that she had been that insufferable prodigy who never missed a chance to grate on his nerves. Ergo, he should not take a fancy to her.

The validity of his statement should have solidified by the factuality of his reasoning. However, he was still ill at ease. It was nary even a second when he found that the picture he had painted to portray how ridiculous it was for him to take a liking to Sasuke was flawed by one very major detail:

He had always been utterly enamored by Sasuke—be it that she was either a guy or a girl.

_Oh, crap._

Naruto was hoping that he would be able to get at least a wink of sleep tonight, but it would seem that this would never be the case. Any sleep inducing endomorphin he might have had in his bloodstream was summarily flushed down to his kidneys because of this teeth-rattling realization. Much to his frustration, he could no longer bury himself in a fitful slumber. He was completely wide awake and thus, was no longer comforted by the fact that he could temporarily forget that Sasuke had stuck her tongue down his throat and nearly raped him right there on the living room floor.

Naruto breathed a heavy sigh and angrily sat up. Then, he leaned backwards and hung his head to stare desolately at the ceiling.

"How the hell do I get you out of my head?" He muttered. Truth to be told, he found it really strange that he landed in a situation wherein he is forced to sort out his feelings for Sasuke. Can one imagine it? He was being tortured by a host of giddy and feathery sensations at the thought of Uchiha-teme Sasuke.

It wouldn't have been that bad (maybe) if it was only his feelings for Sasuke that was being questioned. But, as fates would have it, he has to deal with Sakura's revelation too. Now don't you go running him through with a pitch fork yet for assuming that girls all over the place were just flat falling head-over-heels in love with him. Contrary to what you are thinking, he was just very confused as to why he was not mooning _more_ about the fact that Sakura fell for him but hadn't so much as lifted a finger to see if anything between them would work out, versus to why he was _far greatly_ concerned over what would happen between him and Sasuke.

Ye Gods. He was not in love with Sasuke now was he?

Naruto clapped both hands over his face and fell back on the bed unceremoniously. He groaned and moaned and wished that someone would have the heart to knock him out cold.

"I have got to sleep!" he groused out loud, totally unaware that his wish was about to be granted.

00000000000000000000000

Yakushi Kabuto, now in the possession of the body of Razumi Shisio could not take anymore of Uchiha baasan's rantings. For what seemed like forever, she had raved on about the extreme urgency of finding Sasuke-chan. When he had found her, she switched to demanding that he search for Sasuke's Ally and Protector. Ever since that day he had walked amongst the land of the living Uchiha-baasan hounded him non-stop, the ringing pitch of her voice rattling his ear drum painfully. To add insult to injury, he even has to bear with the mushy, cheesy mumbo-jumbo that she kept talking about to describe Sasuke's Ally.

"You have to find the perfect ally. She has to have a soft heart—a lady through and through. She has to be the one to help Sasuke accept and become a true woman. She has to help Sasuke realize her feelings and nurture her maternal instinct. She has to help Sasuke find the ideal man—a man whom she would not only truly love but would also have a good set of genes to pass onto the next Uchiha generation."

For the most part of the days that Uchiha baasan has prattled on, she had been repeating herself. Frankly, because of this, one of Kabuto's eyes would come close to being pinched shut whenever he gets a dose of the baasan's lectures. Even a near-sighted person would be able to tell by the sour look on his face that he certainly was not very happy during these times. Once, he had tired to pull a Houdini on the baasan, but unfortunately she was too quick for him. Due to the stupidity of his actions, he only made the baasan's k-47 machine gun even worse than ever.

"Are you trying to escape me, boy? Have you even understood anything that I've told you? Don't you have a grain of reasonability in your skin? What kind of Savior are you? Ohhhhh…If I could only take the mark off you, I would! I should have known that anyone that goes by the name of Yakushi Kabuto is not a person that could be trusted! You are a living proof! Slinking from your duties! Is this how your mother raised you?"

Fairly unaccustomed to being verbally abused by an old (antiquated) woman (what did you expect? Orochimaru's company was the only he had for the past ten years!) Kabuto pulled up short at Uchiha-baasan's last comment. One part of his face began to twitch as he regarded the baasan with something akin to the mixture of hilarity and exasperation.

"Is there nothing that could at least slow down that mouth of yours, baasan?" he asked calmly. Uchiha-baasan spluttered at this, spraying his glasses with ectoplasmic saliva. He took them glasses off (such good and mighty shields that they are) and wiped them with the hem of his shirt to ready them for the next incoming ectoplasmic missiles the baasan had prepared to blast his way again.

"If you only had been doing your job like any sensible nin would, " the baasan yelled, "I wouldn't even have to use my voice box on you boy!" Following this outburst was the decking that she delivered to his poor noggin. "I'll shut up once you have found my granddaughter's Ally and Protector!"

Kabuto was about to object to the baasan's accusation of him being an all-time bum but this was interrupted by Sakura's arrival. From the expression on her face, Uchiha baasan was only too willing to ignore this. Sakura's gentle raps on the door however suddenly had turned into insistent pounds. When he just stood there together with the baasan (because granny warned him with her eyes to stay where he was or else), the pounds transformed into thunderous beatings, which his door certainly do not deserve.

"My doors gonna get wrecked," he said pointedly as the baasan persisted on her insistence of him to stay put, completely unperturbed to the abuse being delivered to his door. Granny Uchiha merely raised her eyebrows in a "Do I look like I care?" gesture. Irked, a frown nearly manifested itself on Kabuto;s face. But then, a realization regarding the ultimate fate of his door made him smile instead. A realization that if he brought to the baasan's attention would surely grant him his freedom.

"Whoever is out there, once he breaks down the door, he will waltz right in."

Granny opened her mouth to rebutt his remark thought she didn't get very far with what she wanted to say for the sounds coming from the entrance of his humble abode had become deafening. She finally gave up after a few muttered curses and vanished.

"I am not finished with you boy!" She growled before disappearing all together.

Kabuto couldn't help but sigh with relief the second she went. He vowed that before this day ends, he would do something so he could make sure he would never be exposed to the pitch of baasan's voice ever again.

000000000000000000000000

He was able to make good use of Sakura's visit (the rightful payment for what she had done to his innocent door). The instant he saw her on his doorstep, his mind immediately conjured the answer that would end his dispute with the baasan.

You see, since the baasan was so resolute on her demands for him to delegate Sasuke's ally and protector the soonest time possible, Kabuto wouldn't go and agonize over how he could accomplish persuading Konoha's Hokage to be Sasuke's ally. Neither would he have to risk his neck or get clobbered by Jiraiya considering that this other Sannin was the person whom his savior instincts were urging him to appoint as Sasuke's protector. He, being a man who would rather not stay in torturous position, had decided to put his foot down and head for the easiest way out.

As you might already have realized, Kabuto had made up his mind to make Sakura the ally and since Naruto was part of team 7, he by default would be Sasuke's protector. If the baasan would not give him the time and the chance to obtain the best support system for Sasuke, Sasuke's teammates would just have to do. The possibility of Uchiha baasan being dissatisfied over these choices was great, but then again he could always rub it in her face that she had never ceased on nagging him to hurry up, thus costing him his effectiveness.

Sakura was definitely not the perfect candidate to be Sasuke's Ally. In fact, despite his initial resolution, Kabuto had major misgivings when he learned of the reason for Sakura's visit. He detained her stay as long as possible and interviewed her most thoroughly. After several hours of spending time with her, he had concluded that at least 50 of her qualifications have met the requirements of being an ally.

She was strong and fiercely loyal to Sasuke. When it comes to the aspect of femininity, she wasn't that very lady-like as she tended to resort to physical abuse to avenge the wrong that had been done to her. More so, he believes that she might even prove as a hindrance as she has this little-eensy-teensy attraction to Naruto—the very same teenager to whom Sasuke was undoubtedly feeling something for.

"This root was said to change the personality of a person, What if this Sasuke changes the second you let him drink the potion?" he had asked at one point.

Legs spread apart, one hand on her waist and the other fisted in front of her (akin to an Amazonian woman, or worse, the stance of a man), Sakura replied with gusto, "I would take Sasuke in whatever size, shape or form!"

That settled it for him. He followed her home discreetly to a) get a front row viewing of a love-potion-medicated-Sasuke communing with a Sakura who has no idea Sasuke was actually female and a Naruto who would realize it all too late that Sasuke drank a love potion; and b) set Naruto and Sakura's fate to become Sasuke's protector and ally.

A comedy of errors was what turned out to be. Sakura let a female Sasuke drink a love potion, thinking that she was a male. Female Sasuke confesses her true gender to Sakura. Naruto arrives and gets molested by Sasuke who then was high in love potion. Sakura reveals her previous attraction to Naruto. Naruto practically went bonkers. Kabuto couldn't help but pity Naruto after the whole fiasco subsided.

When the night has finally arrived, Kabuto stationed himself in the most remote location outside of the house, a place he was quite sure no passerby would find his unconscious body. He needed to meditate and get inside of Naruto's and Sakura's head in order to incorporate to them the signature of the Protector and the Ally. His physical body would be defenseless during this time that was why he was taking a careful measure not to be seen.

This was not to say that his spiritual being would be safe from either Sakura or Naruto's mind, If he has a true gauge of their loathing for anybody who came from the hidden village of sound, Naruto and Sakura would attack him the instant they catch even just a glimpse of his hide. On the bright side, at least he would only be taking on a she-jounin and a he-anbu instead of two Sannins. Sure, Naruto maybe the Kyuubi vessel, but then, Naruto hadn't yet realized his full powers yet, right?

Right?

Oh, well, he would cross that stream when he gets there.

000000000000000

Okay here's is the thing, there isn't much in this chapter but more to come! I promise!


	29. The Ally

**Author's Notes:**

One thing that I would like to give advice on: Don't EVER join a revenue generating campaign. The money does not compensate enough for the time that you might have used for something else useful. Like updating your beloved fic.

DISCLAIMER:

I do not own (still) Naruto.

**Sassychan**

**By Boyarina**

**Chapter 29: The Ally**

Kabuto slipped into Sakura's mind like a thief expecting to be caught red-handed. True enough, when the blackness of the portal from where he came from cleared, he came face to face with Sakura and… her _twin_? He blinked rapidly as he tried to clear the vision away. The two Sakuras remained where they were, however, staring at him malevolently. Again, in an effort to make sure he was not seeing doubles, Kabuto rubbed the back of his hand against his eyes and looked again.

They were still there. The two Sakuras. The one on the right whispered something to the other one on the left who then nodded solemnly in agreement. Their eyes never left him as they conversed in low tones, no doubt plotting his very demise.

"Aren't you supposed to be dead, Kabuto-san?" asked the Sakura on the left.

Kabuto raised his hands up in a disarming gesture. But despite this, the two Sakuras started. Their hands fisted as they took a pose that suggested they were ready to attack.

"I came for a mission," he said calmly. He wanted to say more, however, the two Sakuras got twitchy and without much ado, launched their attack at him. They punctuated every blow that they delivered with snarls of "For Sasuke!", "For Naruto!", "For me!", "You stupid fart!" Kabuto had never fought Sakura before (not that he was truly fighting her now) and he was quite surprised at how much force she packed in her punches. She was an impressive kunoichi. Her movements were very tight and controlled. He was expecting that his encounter with her would be brutal, her, but somewhat short.

This meeting with her, much to his dismay, was taking too long for his liking. The two Sakuras were determinedly twisting, spinning, kicking and punching in all direction. Kabuto could sense that she was deliberately moving haphazardly in order to give him little chance to retaliate. However, he, contrary to what she was thinking, was not going to go on offensive. This was the major flaw in her judgment that he was going to take advantage of in order to accomplish sending her the chakra of the ally.

Relying on the Savior chakra stored in him, Kabuto willed his corporeal body to sprout several extra pair of hands. Sakura didn't seem worried by his additional arms even though he was waving them quite menacingly. She charged at him with the same rigor as before, limbs poised to deliver a deadly attack. They fainted left. They fainted right. When they were about an inch from him, they broke ranks and parted. Then, one sent a flying right hook to his temple. With the extra pair of hands aiding him, it would have come as a surprise to him if he had not been able to catch her blow. As it was, he easily grabbed hold of her wrist and forearm before it came in contact with his head. She struggled to escape, all the while lashing at him with her free arm and leg. The other Sakura, upon seeing that her partner-in-crime was caught in a trap, came to her rescue. The free Sakura wrapped her arms around the waist of the trapped Sakura and pulled. Kabuto held fast as he reached out with his additional hands to capture the free Sakura.

The free Sakura quickly drew back and phased right out of his sight. Seconds later, she reappeared behind him, bearing another barrage of attack. Kabuto willed for more extra pair of hands. The instant his new limbs materialized, Kabuto used his existing pair of hands to completely immobilize the Sakura he already had trapped and used his new pair of limbs to take care of the free Sakura.

Kabuto has to use his real hands to reach within him and take out the chakra of the ally. While his excess pair of hands kept free Sakura busy, he worked on getting the ally chakra out of his body and into the Sakura he had imprisoned in his hands. He plunged his hand into his abdomen. It was no trick of the eye; the deed he had done was so excruciatingly painful, he as hard pressed not to squeeze his eyes shut and scream.

"Let go of me, you stupid fucking fart!" Trapped Sakura bellowed.

Jolted to the awareness of what he was supposed to be doing, Kabuto summoned the chakra to the palm of his hand and heaved it out into the open air. The chakra glowed white, softly at first, then blinded them with a burst of brightness. When Kabuto got his sight back, he found himself sitting on his rump. Much to his surprise, the Sakura whom he was holding an arm's length away from him earlier in the fray was now slumped on his lap with her head turned towards him.

She was unconscious. The second one was gone.

He debated on whether to wake her up or not. He hovered his hand on top of her limp form but let it fall back to his side. He wasn't sure if the ally chakra was already inside of her. If he woke her up now without the chakra of the ally in her, they would be right back to square one. You see, the chakra of each of Sasuke's guardians (the Savior, the Ally and the Protector) prevents animosity to rise amongst the guardians, thus ensuring that they would work together to whatever end they have to face. Kabuto has to be sure that Sakura has the chakra of the Ally embedded in her because if they start fighting again, he might end up hurting her.

Apart from Tsunade, Haruno Sakura was the most sensible choice for an ally. He would rather not loose his chances with her.

His legs were starting to fall asleep. Sakura's weight was blocking the proper flow of blood to and fro his limbs. Despite this, he has qualms about shifting and moving Sakura until he has a definite sign that the chakra in her. As for the sign, he does not know exactly what it was, He was pretty sure, however, that something would manifest itself in time, if not sooner.

Kabuto absently scratched his nose as he waited for something miraculous to happen. Or, at the very least, the appearance of one certain granny who has been the root of all his additional troubles. He simply wanted to Sasuke-chan get out of Otokagure in the first place. He was just Kabuto then—Kabuto, the handsome healer. But now, he has to be Kabuto, the handsome healer, Savior extraordinaire. Ever since he has transformed into this persona, he had found life and women, in general, to be quite bothersome.

"And they say all good-looking people get all the breaks. What about me?" Kabuto complained to the nothingness around him.

A derisive snort answered him. It was not exactly the reply he was looking for. He wasn't expecting at all, really, but then again, this might just be the sign he has been waiting to happen. Though it lacks the promise of a future harmonious relationship between him and the snort-er (who was none other than Sakura), it was still a start of something better compared to their initial meeting. For one, she was no longer out to slit his throat or deprive him of any of his good body parts. His deductive reasoning told him that this is therefore, a very good sign.

"Was there something wrong with what I have said?" Kabuto asked his companion politely. Though some may have thought that his companion, Sakura, rude, he still forced himself to be solicitous to her. All things considered, she, him and the protector would have be the best of friends once they have reached the climax brought about by Sasuke's curse.

"I just thought it is real funny that I'm lying on our worst enemy's lap while he fancies himself to be one gorgeous hunk."

Kabuto got slightly affronted by Sakura's reply. For the record, he doesn't just FANCY himself to be a hunk; he WAS a hunk.

"If you would just open your eyes, Haruno-san, I honestly believe that you would change your opinion on the matter."

"Not likely", she scoffed softly (which he, nevertheless, heard anyway). In a louder voice, she said, "What the hell is going on?"

Kabuto could take approximately about two slurs to his person before he becomes officially miffed. Considering, however, that it seemed like Sakura has the ally chakra residing inside her (one proof was she was longer bent in killing him), he forcibly extended his patience a little more. No, he was not particularly happy with the idea, but the savior chakra in him was dictating that he play nice. Its leash on his anger towards any transgression Sakura made on him was short and tight, ergo he could only go as far as be irked with her.

"I think you'll be very happy to know that from this moment on, I am in allegiance with you," he answered in a rather grand tone. Back in medieval times, anyone who receives this kind of announcement nearly always becomes ecstatic. But apparently, this does not apply to the present tie or to Sakura. After he uttered his words, she bolted upright; shocked and in total disbelief.

"No. Way."

"Is it such a bad thing to have me on your side?"

Sakura crossed her arms. "Most definitely."

"Hmmm." Kabuto took off his glasses and began cleaning them. "That's tough. You just have to deal with it though. You've got the chakra of the ally now."

"The what?" She asked with her brows creased together.

"You've got the ally chakra. I've got the savior chakra. A third person will receive the protector chakra. We are going to Sasuke's guardians—help her with her transition to a full pledged female."

"The ally chakra? The savior and protector chakra? Whose balls ass are you fooling? You are not making much sense to me, Kabuto. I'd probably better off clobbering you once again than listening to you yakking."

"Give it your best shot." Kabuto returned casually. He knew Sakura wouldn't be able to do it anyway.

Sakura moved to lunge an attack at him. He fully expected that her progress would be obstructed by an invisible force the second she covered half an inch of space from her position. He didn't even bother to defend himself and simply waited for Sakura's outraged reaction once she becomes frozen in her tracks.

Kabuto realized his mistake all too late. His eyes widened at the still-charging-her-way-to-him-Sakura. The only move left for him to do it seemed was to slump backwards at precisely the right instant and immediately roll away to prevent himself from sustaining any damages.

The anticipated time whence he could execute his escape came. Just as Kabuto inclined his body backwards, he caught a glimpse of Sakura's body angling impossibly in mid-air as she drove her attack to him. She was heading right towards him; his escape route was tracked and he has nowhere to go.

"You will pay—omph!"

You can laugh, but the thing that happened next was an event that Kabuto had never thought about because for the past twenty or so year of his life, he has yet to experience it again.

Sakura ended up HUGGING him. No, scratch that. Let us give it more details so you could picture it more clearly in your heads.

Sakura was on TOP OF HIM, arms wrapped around his neck, breasts pressed against his chest-- EMBRACING him like they were lovers. She was warm to the touch; her skin so meltingly soft, Kabuto felt like he was going to start having seizures form the sweetness of it all.

Or maybe start groping Sakura to feel her womanly curves.

"Why. Am. I. Hugging. You?!" Sakura asked, stressing each word that came out of her mouth.

Kabuto shrugged. "You tell me."

"Shut up", she growled in response as she yanked herself backwards to no avail. Her arms had her locked in place. Probably realizing that she might get somewhere by tackling he problem from the very root of it, Sakura labored to untangle her arms from each other and from his neck. Kabuto remained still while she worked herself free and tried to refrain from commenting on the lack of her progress.

Approximately 20 seconds of futile attempts with nary a result, Sakura screamed.

"Why can't I get off you?! And don't you dare say 'you tell me'!"

Kabuto grinned cheekily. "Well. Since you have taken that option away form me, let me just suggest this. Acknowledge your position as Sasuke's ally and swear that you won't attack me. That should get you your freedom."

Sakura pulled her head back and stared at him with a scowl in her face. "You sneaky conniving rat. Can't you just tell me what the hell you have done to me?"

"Haruno-san, why am I not getting through you?" Kabuto intoned, a bit irritated now. "Didn't I make myself plain enough that you and I are in the same team? That you and I both are going to help Sasuke so she would end up having a family with a man instead of a girl?"

Sakura opened her mouth to bring forth a rebuttal that would have started a whole round of fresh arguments between them. The only thing was it was merely air that whooshed out of her lips. Sakura's eyes widened as though she was shocked by this turn of events. She worked her jaws up and down; forcing her tongue and her lips to form the necessary words she wanted to say. From what it seemed, her arguments were being blocked by the ally chakra.

Zilch. Nada. Not even a squeak of objection, for which Kabuto felt mighty good about. Thanks to the chakra she had in her, they were finally getting somewhere.

"I think, Haruno-san, it would be better if you just believe me and help me help Sasuke."

Sakura made to move her head to the side in an effort to likely shake her head. Kabuto couldn't help but smile in satisfaction when Sakura's intention to disagree with him turned into the provision of her consent to his words.

She nodded.

0000000000000000000000000000000000000

**The P.S.**

I do apologize if I hadn't been able to get back to you people who have emailed me…truly! My deepest apologies. I had been thrown from doing quality assurance work to training and back to quality assurance again. I don't know what I am for anymore.

Thanks for waiting for this chapter to come out. I know it's not something really good. It ain't funny either. Me and the next chapter will try to make up for it.

Review, pretty please?


	30. And there was this night…

**Author's Notes:**

Pardon me, but what did they really think I am for anyway? Yes, I want to be a trainer. Yes, I want to be a team leader. I was applying for team leader, but they landed me a back-up trainer position instead. Now I am doing back-up trainer, quality assurance work, they drop a bomb saying that I would be interviewed for team leader position.

What the?

Anyways, the ones who would be interviewing me are brutal. Or so, I have heard. Pray for me?

DISCLAIMER:

Do not own Naruto.

**Sassychan**

**By Boyarina**

**Chapter 30: And there was this night…**

Kabuto wasn't sure if he made the right choice when he decided to pick Naruto to be Sasuke's Protector. Now, if he could only retreat and mull over what he opted to do, Kabuto would have certainly done that. Unfortunately, he could not likely do that as the objective of his unrest was standing right in front of him with a rather large demon peeking at him from behind Naruto's back.

Kabuto wouldn't have minded it too much had the regular Naruto appeared and replaced the menacing demon/human he was forced to contest with this very second. No, he wasn't frightened per se, just that it would do his nerves some good to know that he would be able to easily subdue Naruto (if needed) had he been a regular human instead of worrying over the fact this Naruto (who was exuding such a dark and magnanimous chakra) might take care of him instead.

"I come in peace," Kabuto began, trying on the most benedicting tone he could scrounge up with.

Two identical sets of ominous puffs of breath answered him. Kabuto wasn't exactly expecting to get a gracious and eloquent reply from Naruto and his demon but he was at least hoping for something verbal, something that was not so… life-threatening.

"I want to offer you my allegiance," Kabuto continued calmly though the Kyuubi from behind Naruto stepped over Naruto's head, leaned towards Kabuto and came close enough to take a bite of his shoulder. Likewise, Naruto closed the gap between them the way a leopard would to its prey. They moved fluidly; in such perfect synchronization that it left no doubt in Kabuto's head that there won't be any avenue left for him to escape had they tried to attack him.

"You knocked me unconscious by entering my mind and you want me to believe you? Really?" Naruto growled. "How the hell did you get into my head anyway?"

Kabuto knew better than to show hesitation in this particular occasion though he sorely desired to slap himself on the forehead for not thinking how his actions would affect his credibility. No use crying over spilt milk now. He has to be firm with his rebuttal to show Naruto the extreme necessity of his deed.

"I know that at any given day what I have done would not exactly equal to any good intent in your perception but circumstance have changed and you have to understand that I meant you no harm. You do know Sasuke is a female now, right?" Kabuto explained in a brisk, business-like manner. He had been hoping that Naruto would show him the same respect the Naruto had given him when Naruto was just a genin. Furthermore, Kabuto was praying (chanting, more like) that since he had been courteous and had conducted his actions in a very "I-present-to-you-no-danger" manner, Naruto and his demon would _not_ brutally murder him on the spot before he could successfully pass the Protector chakra to Naruto.

Naruto drew himself back but his gaze remained steely. "How did you know Sasuke's a girl? Have you been spying on her?" He paused at this point, his eyes becoming suddenly murderous. "Have you been peeping on her?!"

Kabuto spluttered. "Of course not! I was the one who helped Sasuke out of Otokagure! I was the first to know of her transformation! In fact, I'm her Savior!"

At this, Naruto eyebrows clashed severely together. "Her what?"

Kabuto ignore Naruto's question and simply continued with his earlier diatribe. "Sasuke needed my help and I had fulfilled my duty as a Savior at that moment! Now all I need for you to be is to be her Protector and assist me and assist her in whatever she need so she would really become a female! Is that so hard to do?! You just tell me if you don't want to so I could get on with my life and ask Jiraiya to be on board instead of you!"

Kabuto was feeling tad triumphant, if not downright exultant, after his outburst. No, he wasn't just simply proud of how he masterfully delivered his speech, but also because of the effect it had on Naruto. The boy appeared like he was having misgivings on his opinion of him. Demon-like traits etched on Naruto's face gradually slipped from his features.

Kabuto saw this as a chance to take out the Protector chakra and accomplish what he has to do. Unfortunately, before he could so much as twitch a finger, Kyuubi materialized at his side and wheezed/sneezed/huffed directly at him. Either intentionally or unintentionally, the demon caused him to get distracted and had, as well, sent his perfectly groomed hair into complete disarray. More over, Kabuto couldn't help but feel flecks of mucus/saliva adorning his face due to the demon's gusty upheaval of his lungs' air and he could swear that his hair is now sticking out on every direction.

One of these days, Kabuto would give that demon a hairdo he would _never, ever forget_. Retribution, that was that it was.

"I, for the life of me, is itching to discredit you on this matter, antediluvian-san," Kyuubi began. Greatly insulted by that particular word the Kyuubi used to describe him, Kabuto raised a palm up and decided to butt-in before the demon proceeded to other matters concerning what he wanted to say.

"Kyuubi-san, if you are calling me old, how do you think I would describe you?" He asked and was answered by a direct piercing glare. He tried glaring back, but the killer intent that flowed from the Kyuubi's person made his glare come to a screeching halt. He ended up smiling warily instead as pin prickles of sweat started popping out of his temple.

"I am sorry to interrupt. Go on please," Kabuto said when he finally found his tongue again, graciously backing down in the process.

Kyuubi sneezed/wheezed/huffed for the second time around. Kabuto did not even bother wiping the mucus/saliva that rained down on him. He has a very nasty feeling that more of these would come very, very _soon_.

"As I was saying," Kyuubi said as he sneezed/wheezed/huffed for the third time during the course of their ten-second conversation. Kabuto was nearly bathing in the amount of mucus/saliva on his person. "I would like to discredit you but I am very much interested in that extra chakra I could smell from you. One of them is for Naruto, correct?"

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Sasuke has but one to two hours left before the potion actually wears off. For the past five minutes of this 1-2-hour wait, she had been chanting to herself, "Naruto is a girl now. I will not check his room if he had turned back into his male form." It was admittedly a very long sentence and was not entirely suitable for chanting purposes, but given that she was not exactly in a place where everything was absolutely normal, she, therefore, would be sticking to her chant.

"Naruto is a girl now. I will not check in his room if he has turned back into his male form."

A peek would not hurt, but what would she do to stop herself from ravaging the dobe on the spot if he indeed transformed back into his male form? Oh dear God, just the thought of a male Naruto made her imagination careen-off to the path down where only x-rated ideas are kept under a huge lock and an equally gigantic key.

_Stop thinking about Naruto, Sasuke!_ Sure he might have become bulkier, taller, fuckable-er…

_Okay! That is officially IT! Sasuke, go to sleep!_

Sleep…

Sleep…

Sleep…

Sleep…

Sleep…

Sleep…

Dangit, she can't sleep! The male Naruto that was fuckable-er was stuck, nailed, glued, cemented, embedded, entombed in her head and she can't get it out! Cases like this, Sasuke knew she simply have to exhaust herself until she was dead tired. Then, definitely, she could go to sleep.

A plan in mind, Sasuke got up, briskly walked out of her bedroom door, intending to head straight out into the streets of Konoha right in the middle of the night. She made it past Sakura's room, was walking, no, striving to get past Naruto's door… Feet shuffling along… getting magnetized towards Naruto's bedroom…resisting it mightily… attempting to get back on the track… and…

She was inside Naruto's room. It really should not have been remotely hard to walk past Naruto's door as it was directly in front of Sakura's, which she had easily by-passed. However, her feet automatically retraced her steps and directed her path directly to the location she was trying to avoid.

Sasuke's eyes rounded as she surveyed the inside of Naruto's sleeping quarters. Saliva pooled inside her mouth as her gaze flicked towards Naruto's half-naked, sprawled-on-the-top-of-his-futon-with-careless-abandon form.

Wasn't she just L-U-C-K-Y?

Wait this was _wrong_.

She should go back and race out into the streets of Konoha like she had initially planned.

No, wait.

_That_ was wrong.

Here was a perfectly fuckable Naruto on a bed. Now. This very second. Wasn't she demanding something like this earlier this day?

No, wait.

_That_ was wrong.

Sakura was right when she said Sasuke was being controlled by the love potion. Under no circumstance would she, Sasuke, have thought that Naruto would be a creature she would have readily humped. Not even if he was looking mighty tasty, lying there with his beautifully sculpted abs and pectorals, would she have imagined herself slipping right next to him and petting whatever body part she could reach had she been in full control of her facilities.

Sasuke even betted that in ordinary circumstances, even if she touched the smoothness of his skin would she had been aroused by the nearness of him. Taking these into consideration, Sasuke pretty much summed up that she simply have to think NORMAL so she would be free of the love potion's hold on her uncontrollable intoxication to Naruto.

Sasuke pursed her lips determinedly and willed herself to think straight. She sought within her being the scraps of disdain she had for Naruto before—for the fact that he had always challenged her, for actually surpassing her abilities, for always going after Sakura, for being so unimaginably gorgeous when he should not have been, for being so Naruto that she found herself occasionally seeking his grin when she had been in Otokagure…

Sasuke gnashed her teeth together as her hands went up to pull her hair out of her scalp. Despite her resolve to get turned off at Naruto, her thoughts just have to go awry and head towards the direction she had been trying to get out of in the first place. Not only that, her feet did a little magic of their own and covered the little distance that were separating her and Naruto without his knowing.

This situation was going from bad to _worse_.

Highly frustrated, Sasuke exhaled loudly. She steeled herself from further results the love potion would generate on her actions and made ready to do battle with her love-potion-manipulated hormones (i.e., love-potion-manipulated sexual desires). She brought her arms down to her sides, fisted her hands and started to pull herself from the direction Naruto was at.

Sasuke was about to break into a triumphant smile when she succeeded moving an inch to where she really wanted to go. However, her lips never got to complete its "the-victory-is-mine" grin as her triumph turned to outraged-shock for her legs did what her love-potion-manipulated hormones dictated for them to do. Her legs made her sprint to Naruto's bed. They could have stopped at the edge of his futon, but her legs deemed that the rule of her love-potion-manipulated hormones absolute. Without consulting her logic and reason, they made her climb Naruto's bed, slide next to him and sprawl on top of him.

Damn it. Had this sleeping position not been comfortable, Sasuke would have struggled anew to get her bearings back and continued with the plan of getting out of here. But, she was so damnably comfortable; she was having the darndest time convincing herself to get off Naruto.

Ah,_ hell_. Perhaps just a few minutes. Maybe by then, the love potion would have lessened its grip on her hormones. Besides, this was probably the worst her love-potion-manipulated-hormones could come up with, right?

_Right?_

000000000000000000000000

**The P.S.**

I know I should stop ranting on the Author's Notes section. This evening (night here in the Philippines, anyway), I solemnly swear (I am up to no good, just kidding) I will reply back to everyone's review. Minna-san thank you so much for reviewing! (Happily dances) I love reading your reviews! So kawaii!

Oh, if you do have time, check out you tube's video of two Chinese boys who made a music video out of the song "**Pan de bu ai**". Check it out. It literally split my sides.

Lastly, I know I haven't been making any great leaps regarding the development of the Savior, Protector, Ally plot, but don't fear, I will get there. It's just taking a little while. I was thinking of going for a little smut too. Hehehe. What do you think? Smut'll ruin the story? Make it better? Take a vote!

Love lots,

Boyarina


	31. (Traumatic) Mornings in Konoha

**Author's Notes:**

This one's dedicated to _random yet lovable_.

A (hilarious) chapter focused on re-focusing on Sasuke's gender transformation. I might sound a bit rusty with the comedy

Still, shamelessly plugging my new fics: _The Healer, And Again, Earth Colonies _and_ Animal Mimickers._

Also, would like to get your take which of the following fic I should continue: _Ridding Me of You, One or Two, Killing Me, All In Time _and_ Inane Affections._

**Disclaimer:**

I am hopped up on antibiotics. Can I use that as an excuse? No? Well then. I do not own Naruto.

(Exhales an expletive)

**Sassychan**

_**By Boyarina**_

**Sassychan Chapter 31: (Traumatic) Mornings in Konoha**

Nara Shikamaru was hanging outside of team 7 designated household with his jaw hanging and his eyes wide as serving plates. Flies buzzed around his face, but none dared to get too close to his mouth—the rancid odour was too much for them. It must likely on account of him not having yet the opportunity to brush his teeth, and generally go through the necessary motions of basic hygiene for more than a day now.

He had hastened to report the latest incident that happened to Uchiha Sasuke to the Hokage – the one when Sasuke escaped bleeding with an invisible wound. Instead of the expected alarm and concern that he had expected to radiate from their esteemed leader, Tsunade-sama was outraged and fired question after question at him, driving him out of her office and getting him to where he is right now.

"Wasn't the package with Sasuke? Did Sasuke get around to using it? Did you ask Sasuke to take a look at it and understand its purpose?" Tsunade-sama had at one point, whilst spewing out her interrogation (foaming at the mouth, no less), swiped her desk to the side and advanced towards him, one ground cracking stride at a time. "Do you know if Sasuke still has the package? Do you know where Sasuke is now? Is Sakura around? Are you ever going to answer me?!"

Nara Shikamaru knew not the answers and his surprised expression, lips flapping with no words forthcoming had given away his plight. This did not ease the thunderous expression on the Godaime's face and he had sincerely feared for his life when she raised both fists in the air and blew one mighty and steamy breath out in exasperation.

"Get me some answers Nara!"

Shikamaru could not move fast enough. His hands sped through the hands seals in order to flash right out of the Godaime's office and transport himself right outside the window where he could peruse all the on goings of the Haruno-Uchiha-Uzumaki home. He wished though that he had thought more about this decision before he executed it. Psychic visions of him being put in the hospital courtesy of the Hokage instead of being emotionally scarred for life certainly would help preventing him from being in the state he is now.

You see, because of his rather unwise decision making, he had been given an eyeful of two very earth-shattering events. First was when he was given a preview of Sasuke attacking Naruto's neck like a lust-filled rabbit (this had wretchedly stoned him on the spot) and the second more debilitating scene that the sun peeking from the horizon chose that moment to highlight – Sasuke draped on top of Naruto. Shikamaru had yet to prove Sasuke's true gender and for all he knew, he might just have been exposed to unadulterated male to male action.

He has become and forever will be _homophobic._

The flies hovering around Shikamaru suddenly (and with much mad frenzy) flew away from him. They have been disturbed (and disgusted) by the fountain of blood that began spurting out of their object of interest's nostrils. Much to their dismay, instead of the usual alluring smell that comes with this liquid, it stank as much as the human.

His rather ungainly bodily state was not entirely his fault. The activities since the time he had staged that mock hunt with Sakura had him covered in sweat – along with it, the growth and subsequent population of bacteria, fungi and all other funky organism causing that ripe and pungent smell to waft off him. There had been so many crazy things that had happened that he wasn't able to take a break, afraid that he would miss anything important. Something that right now, he wished he should not have been so intense about.

Shikamaru didn't know how he could report the phenomena that he had witnessed to the Hokage. For sure, if this gets any worse than this, he might just throw in the towel and admit to the Hokage that he certainly does not have the stomach to see to the completion of his mission. The one sure-fire event that would lead him to quit is if Naruto and/or Sasuke decides to _hit_ on him.

That alone would have him shuddering right off the face of planet earth.

9999999999999999999999999999

There's a niggling memory that woke him -like the twittering of the jays loitering outside his window. Both constantly jabbed at his consciousness, cajoling for him to open his eyes and join the land of the living.

Naruto desisted. He wasn't good and ready to get a move on, ergo, lest the walls around him collapses, he wouldn't stray from his spot on the bed, not even a millimeter. What's convincing him more to snooze a little bit longer was warmth radiating from his snuggle buddy. It warded the chilly morning, which would have...

Wait. Wait. Snuggle buddy? Since when did he had one?

Someone sighed against his collar bone, stilling Naruto. The voice that reached his ears didn't sound quite like a man, nor a woman. He knew but one person (whom he had been harshly re-acquainted with) who posess a larynx that produces this tone, this pitch.

Uchiha _she_-Sasuke.

Or not.

With Sasuke lying on top of him, Naruto could pretty much detect every bit of body part his team mate had in contact with him. He knew without any smidgen of doubt that Uchiha HE-Sasuke have mutated back to original form overnight. And currently, the teme in his VERY male form, is leisurely snuggling against him.

Absolute horror etched itself on Naruto's face. His eyes shot open and bulged out; his trembling lips formed a perfect "O" - this horrified expression forming in time with Sasuke rubbing the rock hard planes of his pectorals against his own.

Turning blue for not taking in precious air (including due to the injustice of it all - he could have had female Sasuke, but nooo!), Naruto squeakily sucked in air and expelled this out in a squeaky, high, **VERY HIGH**, pitch yeller.

This caused Sasuke to bolt upright, his kimono gaping open and showing his perfect pecs, perfect abs and perfectly straight... _morning_ _wood_.

Outside the window of the same room where Naruto's scandalized screams were coming from, you would also find Nara Shikamaru, doing pretty much the same thing- squealing like a little three-year old girl.

00000000000000000000000000000000000s

Sakura rapidly kicked off her sheets and hit the floor running. Hearing Naruto scream this shrilly could only mean one thing: he had once again been caught off guard by an insect (beetle, roach, mantis, spider, and even a butterfly) lounging on top of his nose. Sakura doesn't know why but members of the arthropod specie always unerringly mistake his nose as a pit stop of sorts. The one conclusion she can come up to is that the shiny point of his oily nose attracts them and makes them go "ohhhhh, preeetttyy".

Who knows?

Having gained momentum from her sprint, Sakura didn't bother with the logistics of asking Naruto to let her in and simply rammed the door of his room down. After all, she's rescuing him right? Knocking in this case is no longer part of her expected actions.

The sight that greeted her brought her short. She had intended to bodily shake Naruto in order to remove the reason of his hysterics, but this, as you probably have already figured out, did not get executed on as planned.

The scene she had unwittingly fell into showcased a Naruto naked from the waist up lying on the bed, Sasuke in HIS (not HER! Not HER!) naked glory straddling Naruto and Shikamaru fully clothed but absolutely stinking hung half in-half out by the windowsill, gawking.

Everybody was plain screaming.

"Kami-sama, Sasuke, you're back!" Sakura's ecstatic yell joined the cacophony ringing throughout the entire room.

Five seconds later, just when the thought of groping Sasuke entered Sakura's mind, a poof was heard and a cloud of smoke was seen covering Sasuke. Everyone present abruptly quieted... and resumed screaming the moment the smoke screen cleared.

Before them now stood (or kneeled) a very bare assed, very FEMALE, very menstruating Sasuke.

**The P.S.**

Er, overkill? Hehehe. Happy Father's Day!

From od/specialdays/a/funny_

By Phyllis McGinley

The thing to remember about fathers is... they're men. A girl has to keep it in mind: They are dragon-seekers, bent on improbable rescues. Scratch any father, you find someone chock-full of qualms and romantic terrors, believing change is a threat, like your first shoes with heels on, like your first bicycle...


	32. What It Meant If A Boy Turns Into A Girl

**Author's Notes:**

I'm still in the process of getting the storyline of this one polished inside my head. Bear with me.

**Disclaimer:**

I do not own Naruto. Just my love and obsession for him.

_**Sassychan**_

_**By Boyarina**_

**Chapter 32: What It Meant If A Boy Turns Into A Girl**

Tsunade ended up with four traumatized ninjas in her hands. Considering that the dawn showed no signs of rain, the pillow like texture of the clouds promised good weather, and the rays of the sun filtered warmly through the window of her office, she hadn't really expected for anything dramatic to commence up until much, much later in the day. Perhaps setting her expectations far too high had tickled fate's fancy to play with the course of how her day should go.

She hadn't even completed yet her morning routine - doing one-sided stretches when one of the ANBU's designated to watch over the Uzumaki-Uchiha-Haruno household came barging into her door, claiming he heard screams coming from the house. They were ordered not to interfere in these kinds of situations and he made the right call not to defy her command for this particular occasion.

"I heard girl screams," the ANBU reported, panting from his sprint.

"Just girls?" Tsunade quirked an eyebrow. What could have been Sakura and Sasuke been screaming about?

"I speculate that it's just girls that were screaming," he replied. Uncertainty laced his voice.

Tsunade lost no time in getting to where all the commotion is happening. She fully expected for the cacophony of high-pitched voices to assault her ear, but she had arrived to an eerily quiet household.

Suspecting a prank, she made an announcement of her presence in the most devastating slash if-you-dare-to-mess-with-me-ill-break-your-neck manner. She punched a hole through the living room door and slammed her fist on the coffee table that happened to stand conveniently on her side, breaking its legs and effectively converting it to a new foot stool.

"Where the hell is everybody?" She swivelled around and sent a murderous glare towards the ANBU who trailed behind her. Said man cringed upon seeing her expression.

"They could be inside their bedrooms?" He wagered, feeling a little sheepish. The screams that he heard earlier felt more and more like a fading memory. Scrambling to make sure that the hokage would not end up squeezing the life out of him, the ANBU man sped towards a random room (which happened to be open) and slipped inside.

... Only to find the most beautiful and naked creature he has yet to see.

A hoot left his lips, which he would have followed up with two to five more if he had not been felled from the back by the hokage herself. He slammed forward and got completely flattened on the wooden floor with the foot of the hokage solidly stamped on his spine.

This event was like a whip crack that tore through the momentary standstill that paralyzed the original occupants of the room. From their wide-eyed, shocked stances, they shot up and seemed to have been zapped with the recollection of what had caused them to be in this hurrying situation.

"I'm in Naruto's bed!" wailed Sasuke.

"Sasuke's a girl again! Why!" bemoaned Sakura.

"I'm soaked in Sasuke's menstruation!" Naruto cried.

The only semi-silent participant is Shikamaru. He had his mouth formed in a O, a small piercing whistle-like scream coming out, eyes bulged out, hands clasped on the windowsill in a death-grip.

"Will everybody get a hold of yourselves?" Tsunade thundered, serving only to increase the amount of noise that flooded the room. Sure, she was unnerved by the picture Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura and Shikamaru painted. This, however, does not merit their individual exaggerated reactions.

Three seconds into their screaming fit, Tsunade had enough. Deciding to remove the two odd presence from the room, she nodded at the ANBU and mimed with her fingers a man walking away. Then, she turned her attention to Shikamaru (whose tonsils she could visibly detect straight out of his gaping mouth) and ruminated as to how she can best get rid of him. A nano second later, she snapped her fingers and immediately executed her plan of action.

She crouched down and jumped up, pooling chakra on her feet. When she landed, the floor shook well up to the rafters. Everybody swayed violently from where they were sitting/kneeling/perching/standing at, temporarily divested of their equilibrium.

Unfinished, Tsunade swiped a pillow from the bed and sent it sailing hard towards Shikamaru's direction.

The genius of Konoha, despite this aforementioned prowess, was quite unprepared for the teeth-rattling impact of the pillow. He did not dodge, rather stood immobile in the face of her assault. With the pillow successfully finding its mark, there is no doubt that his nose had now become pancake-flat.

Nara Shikamaru instinctively clutched his injured honker and ended up letting go of the windowsill.

"Itai!" He managed to yelp out before he toppled backwards and disappeared from view.

Tsunade winced, guilt inching its way up to her. This soon evaporated when her attention got riveted by a flash of pink that zoomed by her. Adjusting her sight, her brain finally registered that Sakura did a flying tackle, arms spread like an eagle, with Sasuke as the landing ground.

"Sasuke, you're being ogled by Naruto!" Sakura exclaimed during her transit.

"I had saved you!" She enthusiastically concluded just as she bowled Sasuke over and covered said shinobi-turned kunoichi's body with her own. Proving more to her intent, she also had blinded Naruto with her unslippered foot (bottom of which is a little black-brown from the dirt and germs on the floor), thus effectively stopping the ogling.

"Ack!" Sasuke gurgled out from underneath Sakura. Beside them, Naruto started spitting, presumably because said dirt and germs from Sakura's foot had found their way in his oral cavity.

"Everybody freeze!" Tsunade barked, completely fed up at the fact that no one seems to have enough good sense to obey her. "I can't believe I've been called away from my desk only to find this childish, unshinobi-like antics! What have you got to say for yourself?!"

"I'm a girl and Sakura's squishing me to death!" Sasuke wheezed, one trembling hand waving weakly for help.

"I'm protecting your sanctity," Sakura returned hotly and then, as retribution flicked Sasuke on one of her exposed ears. Noting that Naruto had removed her filthy and unsanitary foot away from his face and claimed it by the ankle, she attempted to tug it back to her person. "Hey! Let go!"

Nauto looked at the two females on his bed dazedly. He is pretty sure that he had already woken up when he found male-Sasuke sprawled on top of him, but the situation he is witnessing now appeared too surreal to be reality.

"I've got two girls in my bed," Naruto, blond as the hair that Kami had given him, commented dumbly. Head robotically turning to the right edge of his bed, specifically to where the Hokage has been standing, his face began twitching to a maniacal grin.

"I've got three girls in my room," he said, clearly not thinking straight. Unseen to all, perverted thoughts began floating inside his brain.

Unfortunately for him, all three said girls who are in close proximity to his head happen to possess an internal radar specifically designed to detect thoughts that bear the same nature as his does.

Moving as though connected by a string, they walloped Naruto hard enough to rid him of a tooth and his not so virginal thoughts.

99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 999

Everyone is staring at her. She did not exactly sprout two additional heads overnight, just a pair of female anatomical parts that men are crazy about. To her, it felt like they were acting a little overboard.

"I am not a specimen," Sasuke snapped. Had she been possessed with a sonic jutsu, she certainly wouldn't have tolerated their blatant (if not entirely) gawking and blasted these insipid clear out of her line of vision.

Tsunade rolled her eyes at Sasuke's sour disposition. She knew exactly why every little thing is ticking Sasuke off.

"I think they are trying to find out if you would start growing horns," Tsunade drily pointed. She was ready to order Naruto, Sakura and Shikamaru to step out of the confines of Sasuke's personal space and dispel the heated tension that seemed to be on the verge of reaching the point of combustion. The next succeeding event, however stopped her.

Ironically, true to her words, the cells inside Sasuke's body stirred themselves to create another change in the said Uchiha.

Sasuke's spiky hair suddenly poofed out in an overly-large afro hairdo, hitting everyone who stood on her sides and on her behind. Sakura had enough sense to unpluck her face from the mass of curls. Naruto and Shikamaru on the other hand kept to where they are. From deep down their throat, the sound of purrs started to emit.

"Soft...," sighed Shikamaru.

"Smells nice...," Naruto seconded.

Sakura -either feeling left out or protective of Sasuke - raked her fingers through Sasuke's curls using it as though it is a fine toothed comb used to root out lice, she unplanted both shinobi's faces and held them aloft.

"What has gotten to the both of you?" Sakura reprimanded when they pushed against the restraint she placed on them.

Sasuke didn't even pay attention to the latest idiotic behaviour displayed as she mutely held fistfuls of her hair, a horrified expression on her face.

"Someone please tell me this is just the cause of static electricity," Sasuke pleaded brokenly.

Tsunade snorted trying to contain her laughter. Yes, yes she sympathizes with Sasuke's plight, but there was no way she would be able to pull off a somber expression when said Uchiha resembled like a poodle that got the fright of its lifetime. Taking out a comb, just to say she had been at least helpful, while laughing at somebody else's expense, she came near Sasuke and made an attempt to comb the voluminous curls.

"There. It's not that bad," Tsunade consoled, smirking. She was quite sure that more hilarity would ensue while she battle to smoothen the untamed hair, but as the tip of the comb grazed the strands of the last Uchiha's mane, the tresses flattened and flowed out.

It cascaded past Sasuke's shoulders, the middle of her back, slid down the chair she was sitting on, tumbled on to the floor, circled on itself - once, twice and then finally settled down. It was a sight no one expected to see. Not that everything that happened so far with Sasuke had been to anyone's expectations.

The lustrous quality of Sasuke's Rapunzel-like mane captivated Tsunade. No sooner did she realize that she was not the only one. Finger tips seeking to twirl the strands around their own digit, she and the rest of them simultaneously reached with the intent to accomplish just this.

"Soft as a puppy's fur," murmured Naruto as he marvelled in its texture. Mirroring what Shikamaru is already doing, Naruto cupped a handful of the tresses and rubbed them against his cheek.

Beside them, Sakura looked just as awestruck. "I could never get mine to shine even with a dousing of a dozen eggs and bushel of aloe Vera!"

Tsunade could only sombrely agree. She would have wanted to try what Naruto and Shikamaru is doing, but she already had slung Sasuke's hair around her neck like a scarf as she reminisced the silky feel of her most expensive (secret) negligee. It was undeniably as good, if not better.

"I don't know what everybody else is thinking, but will you stop molesting my hair!" Sasuke growled and then yanked her mane away from their grappling fingers. When a few strands was left in Naruto's grasp, Sasuke took a bit from the armload of strands she had cradled to her chest and made it into a whip.

"Give that back," she hissed with resounding crack of her hair whip. Naruto yelped and quickly let go. It seemed that the blond shinobi wanted to complain but he swallowed whatever he was to say.

Past the scowl marring Sasuke's face, it just clicked in Tsunade's brain that over the span of an hour there is more that changed in Sasuke. Gone were the masculine angles of her face, the bottom of her lips seemed fuller, her eyelashes looked longer and thicker, her deep-set eyes softened subtlety.

In not so many words, Sasuke had become stunning.

"Where have you been all my life?" Shikamaru whispered dramatically. Naruto snapped his head towards Nara, looking peeved.

"Aren't you engaged?" He pointed out in a snarky tone.

"Is he going to glomp me?" Sasuke asked worriedly, eyeing Shikamaru. She then exchanged gazes with Sakura and Naruto.

Naruto cracked his knuckles. "Let me see him try," he replied grimly.

Tsunade clapped her hands. "This is not the time for a brawl."

Sakura placed herself in between the boys and Sasuke. "Maybe Sasuke and I should just go." Naruto and Shikamaru peeked from either side of her and both male eyes locked on Sasuke's form.

"Do you really have to go?" Naruto whined.

Sasuke pierced her audience with a glare. Hugging the bundle of her hair closer to her chest, she stood up abruptly. "Where to Sakura?"

"Well, I just thought we should start with how to be a girl lessons?" Sakura offered with a grin. "Shame for all that kawainess to go to waste if you retain all your male quirks."

Sasuke sat back down hard. "I think I'm not going with you after all."

**The P.S.**

The story's getting there. I just need to have a bit more fun with our Sasuke-kun


End file.
